SCC Prompt #185 Humiliation and Degradation

There is something about humiliation and degradation that works for both of us. It is about placing this girl in situations where she is made to dress in a way that others might find inappropriate. So for us, that will be no underwear, or clothing more fitting to a much younger women. It is about being touched in public in a way that might be seen as inappropriate. It is about peeing in public. It is about knowing that this girl has piercings that are there for His pleasure. It is about the collar and its meaning.

It is about many things. Our relationship holds humiliation and degradation as a central place in our dynamic, but for us it doesn’t have the effect that you might expect. Instead it is a turn on for us both. It is something that we need.

For this girl, as we approach a new summer, the excitement grows. The chance to begin to expose her body, the chance to be more daring again, the chance to show Master how much she loves to expose her body in the way He loves and approves of is very exciting.

This girl knows that she finds humiliation and degradation a turn on whether it relates to play or a permanent relationship. But she also knows that the latter means so much more. She knows also that she would love this to be part of her life on a permanent basis.

This morning, Master described a fantasy where His girl spent much more of her life naked, or just wearing an open shirt. Where she was available to Him at all times. He could then stretch her nipples, and spend time touching them. He could pull the chains on her genital piercings (soon to turn from 1 to 3 or maybe 5) and when she would be in no doubt 24 hours a day that she was His slave. That forms part of this girl’s greatest desire.

My submission

Dominance and submission has been a key part of our relationship from the start, and it remains so. The relationship, which started with the intention that is mainly be around play has become something far deeper. This is a long term relationship that may well turn out to be something that defines us in our middle age. But it remains one where He is the dominant and I am the submissive. That is the undercurrent to each day of our lives, it is just the way things are. We go about our business, together or apart, but during that time we both know who we are and are mindful of our roles and what that means to the other. To Him, I am girl. I am there to be loved and cherished, but I am also there to serve him at all times. For me, He is Master and at all times not only do I want to serve, but I want Him to be proud. This is our life.

I can’t imagine that either of us wouldn’t want the D/s (or indeed M/s) that is so important to us. However, we are not one dimensional and there is far more to our life and the things we enjoy together. I don’t see our relationship failing because of that and anyway I love Him for who He is in so many ways.

The percentage of time when our interactions are rooted in D/s probably depends on where we are and whether we are together. But, since I wear His collar and cuff, and since I try as part of my contract to think about my place as His slave I would say that for most of each day I know where our relationship stems from. As a woman in her fifties, as a woman who has discovered her sexuality later in life than many, I have to say that I embrace my place as His slave. For me, there are constant reminders which mean that at least 90% of my time is in truth embedded in my relationship with Him. Embedded in the fact that I am this girl; His slave.

The photo below was taken last summer. As usual I wore no underwear and when He demanded to see His property I did so. Mind you, at the same time it appears, I was filing my nails!

SCC Prompt #179 – Pornography

The idea of having sex in front of a camera doesn’t worry me at all. Our sex is usually pretty kinky and is heavily overlaid with our M/s dynamic. During sex I tend to feel myself slipping into a lovely slave place and during that time our conversation is all about his power and my submission. In many ways, I think it would be good and pretty erotic to be able to look back at that and see myself and him outside of that moment. What I would be less keen about would be having a film of us having sex made available for just anyone to watch. I think I would rather keep it private, for just us.

I have only once been in a room when others had sex and when I was having sex with them and with my own partner. It was something of a unique experience that I wouldn’t necessarily say no to repeating, but that I wouldn’t rush into either. Having said that, yes it was an erotic experience and something of a major turn on. I think watching other have sex would be fun in the right setting and being watched would be something that I wouldn’t say no to either.

I don’t think it will ever happen that I will feel threatened by Master watching porn. It is funny that I didn’t always feel quite like this. I took the view that porn was something quite dirty, and couldn’t understand why hubby would want to do such a thing. Partly this is because I don’t really like the way most porn is contrived to look like something it clearly isn’t. I don’t like the posing, but it serves a clear purpose. Over the years though I have found that photos and film of pornography can be interesting and erotic. Perhaps I have lost some of the inhibitions I clearly had in the past, I have matured and discovered more about myself and my needs. There are a number of elements of sex that I didn’t enjoy with hubby, that I now do so acknowledging that pornography is one of them is no big deal.

When Master is looking at pornography when I am sitting or lying next to him, I often watch too. We both find this erotic and quite often it leads us onto touching, stroking and kissing each other and then more.

My preference is to see other submissive women who don’t look like they are being paid to do so, but rather look like this is part of their real life. I also like to see the Dominant / submissive dynamic played out whether during sex or other elements of BDSM. There is a whole world out there, often through Tumblr and when I see something I don’t like I just move on. If he is looking at something I don’t like, then I leave him to it. If I am allowed.

Submissive Coffee Club #176

SCC Writing prompt
Prompt Set #176
 Are you happy with quiet and graceful submission or do you sometimes long to be tamed?
I am not sure I am particularly quiet or graceful, indeed last night on Skype I was accused (quite rightly) of talking over Master when he is trying to say something. I can’t seem to help my need to get out my own view, and I know I really have to stop doing it. I am maybe acting out a little bit, since he is currently away and I am here doing the mundane stuff of going to work etc. I am probably better when we are together and I can feel the effects of his dominance over me more effectively. In turn, he probably ought to be a little stricter with me, but I guess that would take some work. In general though he is pretty good at keeping me in line. 
Do you act out just to feel the reassurance of your Dominant’s power over you?
Not really, or certainly not knowingly. Having said that, I do find his power reassuring and I know that he finds my submission and his power erotic. After close on two years together, I suppose we have just settled into what feels right for us. 
Why can extra structure feel good when the world outside your submission is stressful?
I think that extra structure helps me to refocus on what is important in life and makes me remember who and what I am. The only really important thing is that I am his slave and it is good for me to remember that. Serving him is my purpose in life and that is where my focus should be. By reminding me of those things, I am easily brought into line, Physical things, like wearing my plug or a posture collar, or even kneeling also help.

Submissive Coffee Club – Prompt set #148

Unlike much of what you find on Tumblr, the Submissive Coffee Club is a place where you can find thought provoking and interesting thoughts posted by submissives. Twice a week, a prompt is published and submissives are invited to link to them through the #sccwriting hashtag. I have used some of the prompts here and on my Tumblr blog before, and in the absence of very much going on in my life right now, here is another.
Secrets
If you were told a secret, would you keep it from your Dominant to respect the confidence?
It really would depend what the secret was and from who. Some secrets are trivial and some are serious. Some secrets can become a burden and so being able to share can be useful. You need to be able to trust the person you might tell. I don’t feel the need to tell Master everything, but he is probably the person I keep the least from. I have utmost trust in him. I know that he could be trusted to keep a secret and if he felt I would be burdened by knowing something might prefer that I told him. On the other hand, I doubt he would be upset if I kept a secret to myself if I felt that it was best to do so and it wasn’t going to cause me any kind of distress. 
Do you have secrets that you don’t share with your Dominant?
Keeping secrets from each other when you are in a serious, loving relationship is not a good thing. They can be the source of misunderstandings, of mistrust and can lead to unpleasant situations. I feel no need to keep secrets, indeed I really like to share experiences with Master. Not communicating properly caused many of the problems in my relationship with my husband and I wouldn’t choose to go there again. 
What sorts of secrets might your Dominant be okay with?
He wouldn’t worry about things that are trivial, or are to do with things or people he doesn’t know or isn’t involved with. Having said that, I can’t think of any particular thing I would need to keep from him.
“Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret.”  Jean de La Fontaine

post script: Thinking about things on the way to work this morning. To be frank the only things I really would keep from Master is the ‘secrets’ that need to be maintained through work. But essentially we call that confidentiality. I work in the English health service and am a nurse by profession. Sometimes, I just can’t share with anyone things that I have heard / learned. Today I received some information no in the public domain, twice. Not only is it confidential, but to be frank it is not interesting to Master. But even if it were, what is the point?

Spank week – submissive coffee club prompt #121

Our relationship is not really about spanking, though it does feature. This is an M/s relationship which is about the exchange of power and control. It is about sex, in whatever way He chooses and it is about me serving Him. But it is also a loving  relationship and it is about doing regular things, some fun and some mundane. But spanking is always a possibility. 
I haven’t been really been punished, but if I was it is doubtful spanking would be first choice. I suspect he might think I would enjoy it too much!
In my experience spanking is pretty painful once you get past the first few. But the thing about pain is that it is pretty close to sexy, intact pain and sex go hand in hand for me. Hence why it wouldn’t be a good punishment.
Clip from tumblr

SCC #118

I think that it would be true to say that since my life is now evenly spread between Master and family with little time for others, my only other place for support is probably my brothers and my mum. Since she and I have always had difficulties in relating to each other and since she is the one who is much more vulnerable right now, it is unlikely I would go to her if I were in need. Having said that, I have a couple of friends who would listen if I needed it, just as I would and have done for them.

I have begun to realise that I need the support of others and that it isn’t necessarily a weakness to do so. The way I am able to communicate with Master is probably different to my past relationships. We have opened ourselves up to each other and as far as I can see that is a good thing.
A D/s relationship is in the end a relationship. Therefore a dominants need to turn to someone is the same as any other person. I am not just his submissive but his friend, his confidant and his lover. If he needs another person, then fine, but if not, I am there not just as his submissive.

Submissive Coffee Club #117

This has already happened in our relationship, there have been times when Master has acknowledged that my help has been required, though maybe not at the time. He is not a man who takes kindly to being ‘told what to do’. But what I found was that if I gave Him the space and the time and didn’t push too hard, then He really did let me in.

When He didn’t readily confide in me I did feel helpless, but the key was to go on giving what He needed from me. Being there and offering my presence as well as, when He wanted it His property – i.e. all of me that He owns.

I am not sure that it is about rules, once again I am not sure that Master is a man for rules for Himself. But for me to have given up what I have, there must be trust. I trust Him completely to keep me safe during my submission. So He that would be his bit of the contract, as it were.

Submissive coffee club Prompt #115

The lovely tori’s blog has led me to another great place; sccwriting (Submissive coffee club) on Tumblr. First it’s a really good place to read the thoughts of other submissives, and secondly it provides prompts on what you might want to write about (and include on the site if you want to)
This is the latest set of prompts which are published on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Prompt Set #115
– Has your everyday language been altered by your lifestyle language?
It depends who I am talking to. Of course, in my relationship with Master, as apposed to previous relationships it offers the opportunity to discuss a wider range of topics. Plus it means that there is always an undercurrent to the most vanilla conversations. My everyday language with the people I am in contact hasn’t really changed, but perhaps the way I think through what I am going to say has. There have been times when there has almost been a slip of the tongue and I am sure that will always be the case.
I have come to enjoy the freedom of chatting with Master and with the few other kinky people I know in real life.
– Do you use non-verbal forms of communication in your dynamic?
Non verbals are important for us, I would say. He and I have not discussed this, but for me in the main it is about seeking His reassurance that I am conducting myself in the right way, or am doing things in the way He wants. Also we exchange a look when we know that someone is trying to get me to take the lead in something that I neither want or can do. For example in restaurants. No amount of speaking to me rather than Him will make me choose the wine or even most of the meals. Finally, we do lots of people watching and often the glances that pass between us are to do with that particular fun pastime.
– Has your lifestyle language cause any bloopers in your everyday life?
The most likely thing, which hasn’t happened yet is that I refer to Him as Master when discussing Him with someone who has no idea. It hasn’t happened, but I have come close.
“Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.“ -Edgar Allan Poe