The changing nature of my submission

#Sccwriting

The empowering nature of submission

There are times when I wonder if I am truly submissive. As I go about my daily life, making decisions and just getting on with things. Should I defer on all things? Should I ask for more direction? 

Well, no actually. After almost 5 years in this relationship we have settled into our roles. Yes, things have changed. I don’t feel the need to be in control all of the time in all things. I no longer need to know everything that is going to happen, I trust him to be in control. That includes deferring to him for advice in a way that I had never known possible before. Master has a quiet, but powerful way of getting me to make decisions where I need to or ensuring that he does where it is better for me. I know I am a strong woman, but I need his support in more ways than I even knew. What is more, I am happy and proud to be his submissive.

What does safe mean?

He makes me feel safe. Indeed, my submission gives me a safety net. It means that I trust him to look after me whether in daily life, or when we are playing. I feel safe that he is making the right decisions for me and us. That isn’t to say that I don’t argue, become ‘unruly’ or ‘bratty’. But who doesn’t push against what they know to be good for them? 

Safe also means a safe word. I may be a slave, but we have never abolished my safe word. While I have never used it, I would if I needed to. As it happens, I only have to express that something is wrong when we play and he will stop. I guess that is what makes me feel safe in his hand, I trust him to make sure no harm comes to me.

BDSM in submission and play

Our life when it comes to BDSM and kink play is set into something of a routine. Our sex-life may look vanilla to the uninitiated observer. But only if there were no sound on the video – words and actions are important for us. Just when I think things are a little predictable he makes me pee on him, or he on me. Or he will make me get on my knees, undo his trousers and tell me to suck him off. 

Play is not a regular feature, but we have the equipment at the ready and suddenly it will appear. More recently we have attended clubs where both my submission and our play have been on display. I hope we can find a way to continue to do that, including the CMnf events. 

Limits over time

When we met I thought I was pretty clear about my limits. Over time he has pushed them slowly and carefully. My level of trust is such now, that I am happy to declare I have no limits. In truth of course there are, but he knows what they are. I have faith that he wouldn’t put me in danger, but will stretch my acceptance of his kinks. You can’t make this kind of thing happen, it takes time, patience and communication. And we have worked on all 3. 

My advice to others

Be prepared to look deeply at yourself and to answer questions about your words and actions. Even those in the past. Trust that you and your dominant will need time to settle into your roles, just as you do in regular life. Allow your submission to develop in your dominant’s hands, let them lead and trust your true personality to emerge. It isn’t always easy, you won’t always get it right but a strong relationship will allow you to be the submissive you both want. Finally trust your instincts – if you think you are submissive then you probably are. 

In The Mood

It is a while since I followed one of the sccwriting prompts. They can be found here.

Submission and sex

There is no doubt in my mind, or indeed Master’s that my submission and sexuality go hand in hand. I am at my most submissive when we are having sex. This is, I think, because when we are having sex I am able to let go of everything else in my mind and just be. I can live in the moment, and when I do that my submission comes to the fore. At the same time, Master’s dominance is most pronounced when he is aroused. That is not to say that our M/s relationship is confined to the bedroom, or indeed playroom. Since that is the other place when my submission is in profound evidence. There are undercurrents all of the time, but they are subtle and not overt. 

Tasks when in the mood for sex

Tasks and rules come more easily to me when I am in the mood for sex, that is definitely true. Calling him Master and myself this girl come automatically and I feel I am pretty much under his spell. During sex and play, I could easily comply with any thing asked of me. As a slave, I have no specific limits, I implicitly trust him to keep me safe and I willingly submit to him. 

Interestingly, since we have been living together, I have begun to regain the ability to relax and allow him to take control much more of the time. In the past I always had to retain responsibility for a large proportion of my life. Recently the need for this has receded and it is now only things to do with my family that I retain control. I see that in the future, my submission will grow and develop and become more evident outside of the bedroom.

Not feeling it

There are plenty of times when one or other of us doesn’t feel the M/s side of our lives. Sometimes that happens at the same time. Since our relationship is strong, I don’t see this as a problem. We are not robots, we are living human beings with feelings and needs. Together we can always work through them.

Blogging A-Z 2018: G

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

G is for Guilty Pleasures

For so much of my adult life, I had very little time for me. Being a wife, mother, employee, daughter and sister seemed to take up my entire time. The only time when I seemed to take a breath was at weekends and holidays. Even then, so much was packed in and still the caring element went on. Now, my life is different, but I still feel guilty doing things for just myself. Though I am learning not to.

What are my guilty pleasures?

The biggest one is my blog. Whole hours go by writing and editing, reading and commenting. Suddenly I realise that I haven’t eaten, or else done any of the other things I had planned. Less interesting things such as house work. As I write this, I have a niggling feeling I should actually have my vacuum cleaner out doing something far more productive.

Other guilty pleasures include drinking wine and eating good food, sometimes with Master and sometimes alone. Staying home when I feel I should be visiting my mother. The list goes on. But Master has taught me it is ok to put yourself first, so long as I also consider him and everything else in planning what to do.

How much time do I spend doing things for myself?

That depends on the day of the week and what else I have to do. On week day evenings I have from when I get home at around 6 to 10 when Master and I Skype together. If we are together, then that of course changes. But we usually take time to follow our own interests even then.

Until recently all of my days off were taken up visiting my mum and taking her shopping etc. Now she lives further away, I have cut the frequency but factor in an over night stay. So far this is working well and gives me the balance I need. At weekends Master and I are usually together, and try to balance being busy with down time. We both need our own space.

Do I feel guilty about time just for myself?

I consider devoting time to my own needs less and less of a guilty pleasure. It is what I and everyone needs to keep them happy, sane and well.

Blogging A-Z 2018: B

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

B is for Blogging

In a couple of weeks I will reach the 6th anniversary of my lifestyle blog. Starting out on blogger as World of joolz, I must have sensed that I would need to record my journey. At that time I was dipping a toe into D/s and exploring sex in a way I had only dreamed of.

To begin with it was my own personal journal and wasn’t read by anyone but myself. Good job too, since my writing style left a lot to be desired. Reading back,  posts are often short and something of a brain dump. They are also short on detail about what really went on, including my feelings. But gradually as I read around my new subject matter, explored and commented on other blogs, things changed. My writing improved as I engaged with others and while I still wrote for myself, there was definitely a benefit in knowing others were reading too.

The blog has helped me express myself through difficult times, like telling my husband about my affair with S. Writing helped me to express my feelings, deal with the confusion and decide what I should do next. The relationship with S ended and very soon after I met the man I now call my Master. He is my lover and also my partner. I told him about the blog early in our relationship, without realising he would go back and read every post I had ever written. This helped him learn about me and also directed his questioning about what I wanted from our sex and kink life.

Over the past couple of years I have engaged with the sex blogging community much more. To the extent that I have met many of those who now read my blog. I enjoy using the prompts from memes such as Wicked Wednesday and Submissive Coffee Club. Sinful Sunday has helped us to develop a more creative side through photography. But in the main what I write and post here is personal, for me and for us. Of course I don’t publish all of the gory details of my life, but I think that I am more open than most.  This is because I want to be able to use the blog to record our continuing journey.

Submissive Coffee Club #226 (

Piercings 

 

We had only been together for a couple of months when Master told me that he would like me to have some piercings. Interestingly this was something I had also wanted for some time. I had discussed the idea with a previous Dom, but the time didn’t feel right for me and certainly that relationship was’t.

This time, Master and i discussed our ideas and they appeared to match up. We agreed on both nipples and clitoral hood. I was clear at the time that these would be my piercings, and while he came with me, I did the research and paid.

However, from the day that I was pierced they felt significant to us. They were real, but also a symbol of something that we both shared. They signified something I had been willing to do for him. A confirmation of my submission and his dominance over me. This feeling has continued.

Of course, such piercings are only as permanent as you wish them to be. If I removed my nipple bar now, the hole would probably be closed within hours. However, that probably isn’t the point. I really would like more piercings, and we are considering ones to the labia. These would be more significant, more painful and perhaps a little more kinky.

We have also discussed a tattoo. I held back on this for a long time as it was a feature of his previous relationship. Plus I am nervous for reasons of pain and permanency. However, I feel I am ready to do so. This relationship is as permanent as any can get and I know it is something he would like. For us it would be a real commitment.

From my point of view, commitment to the relationship is important, however equally so is that you both want this body modification. I may be a slave, but ultimately it has been a joint decision and something that has been for me to agree to.

As time goes by……….

Posted on my Tumblr blog
We are both in our 50′s but what I am increasingly aware off is that I have found my true place as a woman and an individual and that together we are more than that. Submission is not about youth. It is not about sex, though that for us is important and will definitely last the course. Submission for us is about Master’s ownership and possession, it is about power. Those things can easily endure. We don’t get to spend nearly enough time together at the moment, we are still not living together, and I have to work. But as far as I can see we only have good things to look forward to.
For us, sadly our 70′s is not so far in the future. Well it is, but having been 20 then 40, 30 then 50 we know how time creeps up. If we are together then D/s will still be part of who we are, our lives. We are just settling into the swing of things, by then we will be more than comfortable with who we are. Plus our families will be comfortable with that too. For us, it isn’t about when we are alone that the problems can potentially arise but when we have to interact with others, family and friends. 
I hope we remain sexually active into our old age and beyond, but who knows? What I do know is there is more to our sex life than sexual intercourse. Enjoyment of each others body, pain and pleasure is key to what we enjoy. I can’t imagine that will end any day soon.

Submissive Coffee Club

Tumblr can be an erotic and exciting place to look for photos, videos and articles. It can also give an unpleasant view of porn, submission and opinion, you do have to wade through pages of poseurs (male and female) on occasion to find something worth looking at and real. 

A tumblr site I really enjoy visiting is the submissive coffee club (it also has a related dominant site). It is great for conversation and views on submission and it also offers up blogging prompts which can be useful if you are short of a topic idea. 
They are currently running a feature where members of the club volunteer to be asked questions about their submission etc. by their peers and next week it will be my turn. I have one question so far, and am hoping for many more. But to make it more interesting, if anyone here has a question they would like to ask me then I will answer that too. I then plan to post simultaneously here and on my tumblr blog.
Master and I are off on holiday this coming weekend and so I will have the added advantage of blogging from the beautiful island of Sicily and needing to complete this task will prevent me from once again resorting to travel blogging. Though of course, there is nothing wrong with a travel blog.
Personally I can’t wait to get away. We have both been suffering from a virus over the past couple of weeks and have been massively under par. There has been precious little sex in our lives, let alone kink. Hopefully this trip will help us get over this horrible bug and also allow us to recuperate. I am looking forward to the sun and the sea air. There will be loads to see and do plus there will be the food, wine and hopefully a chance to swim and maybe relax in the shade with a good book. 
Mean time, do leave any questions in the comments box. 
Back soon everyone!

Orgasm control

Probably the first ‘rule’ applied to me as a new submissive was orgasm control. I was told that my orgasms no longer belonged to me, that they were his property and that I should ask permission to orgasm and that once I had cum, I must thank him and tell him that it was his.

I had read quite a bit about being a submissive by that time, and orgasm control seemed to be common place. What is more, S had required me to ask permission to cum when we were together, so this was nothing new.

Orgasm control with Master is a little different though. This isn’t about me feeling that I am about to cum and then seeking permission, this is about him demanding that I cum when, where and how he wants. Over time, and with training or conditioning, much like one of pavlov’s dogs, I really can cum at the moment he desires. He may be stroking my clit, he may be pinching a nipple, he may be deep inside one of my holes, or there may be no physical contact at all. But, when he says cum, I do.

I have long since stopped wondering how this can be happening to me, I suspect it is a form of conditioning as mentioned above. I love the control he has over me, that he can make me cum at will. It adds to the feeling of control that I know that he has over me and it makes me horny just to think about.

Occasionally he denies me an orgasm at the time I request it, but he is not very good at doing so for long. He truly loves me to cum and see and feel the juices that flow, to hear my breathing change, to hear me gasp, to see the look in my eyes. I love him for this; who wouldn’t? I know other submissive women are denied orgasms for prolonged periods, so I count myself extremely lucky.

For me, the advantages of having my orgasms controlled far out weigh any disadvantages. I recognise it as part of what I have ‘signed up for’ in agreeing to become his slave. It is part of the control, part of his ownership of me, my body and mind. Part of the power he has over me and which be both know we need.

I guess the only small disadvantage is that it means that when I am alone and I decide I need to cum it is less pleasurable than when we are together. I still thank him for the orgasm, and tell him it is his, but if he is not there to hear me say the words then what is the point. So, even though I am allowed, I tend not to orgasm very often when I am on my own. The feelings produced by my fingers or a vibrator are good, but they last just a few moments. I much prefer that he be there and that the control is overt and real.

Arguments – SCC prompt #189

This is a timely prompt, something I found on the Submissive Coffee Club page and saved for later.

Since Master and I got together we have had little to argue about, and so even a month ago I would have passed this by. But as I alluded to on my last post, over the past few weeks there have been some occasions when we have argued. These arguments have not been about anything personal to us or our relationship, but about our differing political and social views. They have also been about my willingness to take some things at face value, while for him there is a need to read around the topic in great depth before your opinion is formed or rather changed. We both have a world view, often it isn’t so different, indeed I think I values are similar. But our approach is different and sometimes when I am expressing those thoughts and feelings I become a bit too passionate, start to take things personally, while he sits there and just argues.

During those arguments I do lose sight of myself as his slave. I just go for it, hell for leather and then when I don’t get what I want think I want, I act out. Last week I packed my bag and stormed out of the house. Then when I realised that a) I shouldn’t drive as we had just consumed a bottle (or two) of wine and b) this was no way to sort thing out, I rang on the door bell to be let back in. Last night after our ‘discussion’ had again disintegrated Master questioned my attitude as a slave. He was right to, though perhaps this is something we need to discuss in a rationale way.

When we argue I think that dormant, overpowering person who wants to shout over people and hog the conversation begins to appear. I don’t think that person is someone I want to be and I don’t think it is attractive. He remains dominant, but I fail to listen to him as I should. It is odd, because these days I prefer myself when I remember that I have agreed to be his slave. I prefer the calm me, the one who gets to be told the is a good girl. It is less stressful and it makes me happier.

After an argument, it is really about giving each other space and then about discussing things so that we try not to fall into the same trap again. That is the bit that isn’t quite working right now. Plus of course making up and saying sorry.

This situation isn’t serious really, because it isn’t about our relationship as such, maybe though it is a way of helping that relationship mature so we don’t end up saying and doing things we regret.

SCC Writing Prompt – Staying Connected

The ability to connect to each other when we are apart is important for us, since we don’t live together. Early in the relationship there was much more day time contact, through various messenger services and by text. But now we have settled into the occasional text and a Skype call most nights when we are apart. We tend to spend anywhere between an hour and over two on a call and just use it as a means to catch up on our day and to discuss current affairs and anything else on our minds.

Sometimes when we are apart I can lose focus on myself as His slave, but that really only happens these days if our separation is for a prolonged period or if I am under undue stress. Most of the time we manage the times apart as this is just how life is for us. There is little chance for us to become bored with each other, to run out of things to say to each other or to become complacent. Even when we live together, I plan to still work, there will still be family things I will do on my own, so there will be periods of absence. I always know how to contact him if I need to as he does me.

I don’t see the time we spend apart as a particular disadvantage and feel that over the duration of our relationship it may well have strengthened it. It means we value the times we are together, particularly, as has been the case this past week, when we get to spend a longer period of time in each others company. It does mean though that when we are apart I do miss him and know he also misses me.

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