Looking back at 2018

This year, more than most I can remember has been a time of immense highs and unbelievable lows. It has also been one of great change. For so long I talked about making those changes and there were many times that I thought they would never happen. This blogging year has also been one of highs and lows, a year where my writing has developed and grown but also one when I almost lost my blog. There is so much to write about this year and so many people to thank and mention so here goes.

January

The year started in a bit of a whirlwind as I supervised the packing and moving for my mum. There was over 30 years worth of stuff in her large 3 bedroom house. The concept of downsizing was completely alien to her and consequently this was a stressful time for me and my brothers. She tended to sit watching it happen, then complain when we threw things out she later said she wanted. On moving day, she took more furniture than it was physically possible to put into her bungalow. So more pain followed.

In the midst of all of that, it was difficult to find time to blog or be particularly sexy. As is often the case the memes (Wicked Wednesday, Sinful Sunday, Kink of the week and SoSS kept me going). This year I have learned that writing about something is better than not writing at all. This month too, I joined the Smut Marathon (more of that later).

February

This post pretty much highlights that sex and kink was a bit lacking in our lives at the beginning of the year. Not entirely surprising given the whirlwind of January. At that time we were also planning for me to move in with him and had begun to get the house ready. Once again meme’s kept the blog going including TMI Tuesday, Food for Thought Friday and Art Twist. Indie and I have discussed bringing the latter back to life and maybe we will do that in 2019. I only recently realised that Kilted Wookie runs F4TF and it took a while to realise also that we had all week to write a post based on the prompt. Sometimes I am pretty slow on the uptake!

At the end of the month, while away for a weekend I managed to delete my blog! I still shudder when I think about how it happened and the work required to put it back together. Thankfully Dom Signs was there to help, I am so grateful to him. The full horror story is here. 

March

This photo was taken hours before my blog went down and so didn’t appear until 3 March. It brings back the better memories of that weekend. In this post I write some more about the blog, but also for the first time about participating in the smut marathon as well as sex and coffee (all important things).

Our sex and kink life was at last on the up. In this Masturbation Monday post I describe some impulsive kinky sex and later in the month our first public play event. I haven’t contributed to Masturbation Monday as much as I would have liked to this year. Mainly because my sex blogging libido has been a little off kilter. But I did have the pleasure of meeting Kayla Lords and her husband John Brownstone at Eroticon. I followed John’s blog first and clearly remember the run up to Kayla moving to be with him which was so exciting. Together they have become quite a force to be reckoned with in the blogging (and podcasting) community.

Eroticon was a wonderful weekend of fun and laughter, plus some amazing sessions at the conference. Apart from Kayla and John we met so many other bloggers and writers that were previously words and pictures on a screen. Marie and Master T, May More, Posy, Eye, Cousin Pons to name but a few. I wrote about it here.

April

Once again I joined in with the Blogging A-Z challenge. Although there are 31 posts for April, which is getting on for a record I still had to combine some of the A-Z daily posts. Keeping with a mainly kink theme, the posts can be found here.

For the Wicked Wednesday post on Driving Lessons, I wrote about my rather unpleasant driving instructor. I guess this is my Me too incident; thankfully mild, though as you could tell it has stayed with me.

In April we travelled to Seville for the Feria celebrations and had a wonderful week of rest and recuperation. Seville is one of those places that we have pretty much seen and done but return to. The relaxed lifestyle, long lunches, dinners in several parts suits us.

May

By May, preparations for my move were in full swing. Our weekends were filled with decluttering, house maintenance and beginning to pack. However we did manage to find time for some fun and games. It had been a while since Master bought his girl a tail, but I hadn’t really had the chance to wear it. Until now.

The Smut Marathon moved onto round 5 and to my surprise I was still in the competition. As I mention in my post about round 4, my editing skills were coming under pressure. I tended to write pieces that were much longer than needed, sometimes 4 times as long. Since being out of the competition I have started to try to write stories that are already short and so need less editing. The Smut Marathon was a wonderful competition and I am grateful to Rebel for all her hard work in making it the success it was and will be again.

June

Hy from A Dissolute Life Means challenged herself and others to Post Every Damn Day in June. I got off to a good start even though at the time I was on holiday in Slovenia. Much of the country is under developed, with beautiful lakes, hills and mountains to explore. A great opportunity for some natural photo opportunities. While away I participated for the first time in Hyacinth’s regular meme: Boobday. I look at my contribution with some sadness as this is the boob I no longer have. The cancer was already growing inside me, though I didn’t know it. I do hope to participate again soon, but more of that in the post I am going to write about the coming year.

There was one final trip away (for a weekend) before the end of June, providing a great Sinful Sunday opportunity. After that, life was crazy as we prepared for my move.

July

The weather was wonderfully hot. A proper English heatwave. Probably not what you need when you are spending much of your life packing boxes. On one of the last weekends spent before the move, we frolicked in the garden. Not only did I run around naked but we also had anal sex out there. My anxiety about the neighbours seeing anything dissipated under the influence of a bottle or two of wine.

The rest of July is a mad blur. I didn’t post anything of substance until 26th. After the antics in the garden I developed a urinary infection (perhaps the two are linked) and needed antibiotics. Then as soon as I was recovered I moved house. I wrote about it all here. To be honest, I was pretty glad to see the back of July.

August

August was about finishing up at work. Luckily, with many people away on holiday the roads and railways were quiet, though London was as usual busy. There were few meetings so I was able to declutter my work environment in a reasonably calm way. I had a wonderful send off from colleagues and left on 31st. I also started to reorganise my blog a little, ending one journey page and starting another.

As we gradually settled into our life together we began to rekindle our kinky sides and also had some fun.

September

During my first week of freedom from work we travelled to France. I was to put it mildly, exhausted. A short weekend break extended to almost a week and the fact we could do that was the most liberating thing.

All through August I was waiting for the inevitable. I revealed at my mammogram early in the month that I had found a lump in my breast and knew I would be recalled. The first date I was given was for 31st August, but as this was my final day at work I asked for a later appointment. So on 11th September Master and I spent the entire afternoon at a one stop breast clinic. We came away already knowing that cancer was suspected, but had to wait a week for confirmation. The following day I travelled to Cyprus with my mum with a massive plaster on my boob. Over the coming days a huge bruise formed.

Cyprus was beautiful though. Hot sunny days and warm evenings. Even my mum and my attempts to hide my bruising didn’t spoil it. But I really did miss Master and wrote about my longing for him here.

On my return I received the news that we had been both expecting and dreading. I had breast cancer.

October

I think we saw the inside of more hospital wards and departments than I experienced in the first 3 months of my nursing career. Master was beside me the whole way and has been my rock and guiding light ever since the first appointment. Our hopes of a lumpectomy were dashed as the tumour was too large. So on 15th I had a mastectomy.

Many blog and twitter friends and followers have congratulated me on my positivity in coping with the surgery and aftermath. While I wanted to catalogue my journey and will continue to do so, I didn’t seek to make it seem easy. The operation was straightforward, but the recovery painful and frustration. I wasn’t the best patient, I don’t think nurses usually are. But I was determined not to succumb to self pity and so I guess that is why it came across that way. I started a series of regular posts about my recovery which will continue for as long as necessary.

November

I felt ready on 11th November to give Sinful Sunday followers a glimpse of my new body. I always knew that I was part of a body positive group of people but have been overwhelmed by the support. None more so than from Molly and that is why I chose Sinful Sunday for this post. Being able to go to the munch that Molly and Signs run and speak openly to others including Sub Bee has really helped. I am looking forward to getting together with Molly in the new year so she can photograph me lots more.

Thank you to everyone who has commented on here, sent me emails and messages on twitter. I know too that Master has found the support from this community to be a really positive thing.

December

A month of end of year lists and reviews, and I find myself on so many. After everything that has happened this year, I am overwhelmed. Looking back over my blog, I can see that it has been a good year for my writing.

Thank you to those who nominated me for the Kinkly and Chaturbate top sex blog lists. Thank you to May More for the wonderful messages of support and for including me on her Top of the Blogs list. To Floss, who named me as one of her top 20 Lovelies. To Kilted Wookie for putting me on the Naughty List, to Master Venture for including me on his list of people worth following and to Marie Rebelle for including me on her Top 20 of ’18. I am incredibly honoured to have been recognised by so many of the wonderful people I admire in this community.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog this year and to those who have commented and supported me. Here’s to 2019 – more of that to come.

Back to blog

Having persevered throughout January and the first week of February I have abandoned the 365 questions. I think the idea is a great one, but these questions are really too dull. Maybe I should try to come up with a better set for next year, but if anyone sees me start with this same set next January 1st please, just shoot me (or the virtual version of it).

My excuse for starting the questions was laziness coupled with writers block. I had a desire to blog regularly but a distinct fact of creative ideas, useful recent experience or even the will to try to put pen to paper (or words to screen) in any meaningful way. So, the easy way out. Then I decided to join in with February Phtotofest and this meant that during this month I would need to produce two blog posts, which in itself is no problem. With the photo, there is often a story to be told, with the questions usually not.
Last year, I ran out of ideas for the February photofest but this year I definitely want to carry through and get to the end and I want as many of the photos to mean something to me as they can. I also need to get back to proper blogging, I need to write about what is happening in my life, about the things that are bothering me and about the things I want to do. I need to write about my relationship and about the things that continue to go well for us as well as some of the things that bother me. Like for instance the way that my menopausal symptoms are changing our sex life. Like the way my job feels like it is getting in the way of spending sufficient time together. Like the fact that I love my house but wish I could just walk away, the sale and everything done with. Like the ongoing stresses that my ex brings me.
But also I want to write about the great things we have coming up; Eroticon in just a few weeks and a chance to meet like minded people, great writers and bloggers who I hope will help inspire. Like the ‘Secret Dungeon Sleepover’ I have been invited to for Master’s birthday, like the CMNF event we would like to attend in the not too distant future. Like too the holiday we are planning for this summer and the break we are taking over Easter.
I want to get back into writing about me and about what makes me the person and am happy to be.
I want to get back to this blog and to moving this blog to the new domain I have bought but haven’t yet properly used. I will happily see February Photofest through to the end, but I am not posting answers to inane questions just so that I can fill the calendar with a daily blog post.

365 Questions – Day 39

What is the largest TV screen in your house? 

 
These days there is just one TV screen (excepting a TV in the house that doesn’t work). Some years ago I got rid of the TV in the bedroom since it seemed to affect my ability to sleep. Now if I want to watch TV in bed I use my laptop. 
 
So, the largest TV screen is to be found in the living room. 
 
 

365 Questions – Day 38

Name a person you wish you didn’t have to deal with today

My mum. As seems often the case I haven’t quite come up to expectations today. I have mislaid a cheque I was meant to have put into the bank for her and tomorrow I will have to deal with that problem. Today, I had to deal with her.

365 Questions – Day 37; Torture

If you could do today over, would you change anything? 

 
Maybe I wouldn’t wake up at 4am having a night sweat – the misery of the menopause – then I wouldn’t have struggled to get out of bed this morning. On the other hand, maybe I would change the day from one that I had to work, to one where I was tortured like this………
 
 
 
 

365 Questions – day 34

What’s the last thing you apologised for?

Master is bored with these questions, but I plan to push on. What’s more, when we discussed this question he suggested that I don’t apologise for anything since I am never wrong. This is not true and of course he knows it.

The last time I apologised though was not to him, but via email at work. I should have sent an agenda and papers out last Monday for a meeting which I will be chairing this coming Monday. However, I have been so busy and have barely been in the office, so didn’t send them till yesterday.  I apologised for their late arrival. For most people it won’t matter since they don’t even read the papers before they actually arrive. I feel no particular guilt.

365 Questions – day 33

The most expensive bill I paid last month was…….

My credit card bill. December is an expensive month what with Christmas presents, food and all the trimmings. 

I still have some to pay, plus this month I have my son’s birthday. Hopefully though, March will be better. 


365 Questions – day 32

What is your favourite piece of art you own?


I don’t own a lot of art work. Call it lack of opportunity, money and generally time to think abut art in the home. but these I like…….

It’s not straight but I photographed it as it is. This is the little town in France where I have my apartment. I fully expect my ex to claim this when we divide our stuff since it was him who bought it and I know he likes it too. But I will just go out and buy something similar. 

This is a small part of my glasses and other nicknack cabinet. The cat also serves as a candle holder and was bought for me by a patient when I left my last job as a frontline nurse. The glasses behind are locally made and were a wedding present from a neighbour I had known my whole life when I married. The mug was from my ex husbands grandma (will also be claimed I expect) from the silver jubilee of 1935. The bottle behind a gin bottle from Amsterdam.