30 Days of Kink – Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

After 3 days of travelling around the northern part of Spain and into the pyrenees we have now spent two days chilling out in my apartment in France. I say chilling, but though it has been relaxing to do very little, it has also been a necessity given the hot weather here and across much of Europe. The main problem is not so much heat, but humidity which is not fun when you have the added fun of being menopausal as I am. We have found that you barely need to move to break out into a massive sweat. Other than shopping and going out for dinner and drinks, we have barely left the apartment and that has meant that there has been plenty of time for some intimate moments, some amazing orgasms and this morning so very very good and quite kinky sex. This period of relaxation won’t last for much longer, but I intend to make the most of it while I can.

So to day 4 of 30 days of kink. So here’s the thing; I am not sure there was any particular signs from my early life that suggested that I would be kinky. I was amazingly unadventurous when it came to my own body until I was at least into my 30s. I had very few boyfriends, and married the first person I dated for any length of time. I guess it would be true to say I was a little repressed, and didn’t know what I didn’t know. Once that sexual side in me emerged, the kink followed and here I am. Perhaps for me, looking back is not what it should be about, instead I intend to look forwards. I am kinky, and I have a kinky Master who I love to be with and right now I am having the best time.

The view from our hotel room in the Pyrenees on Tuesday morning.

All about the gold

You can thank tori for this post. Like her, I have been short of ideas for blog posts, but unlike her, the whole kink of the week thing is new to me. But having read tori’s post today and then finding where kink of the week lives, I find this week’s kink is a topic I should blog about, so here goes.
As a nurse, I have been covered in a number of bodily fluids – many times before we wore gloves for everything and afterwards.  Since to be honest, blood, poo and piss doesn’t always trickle out of a person. Often it shoots or spurts. I have no particular fear of bodily fluids of any kind. Of course being at work is different from being covered for any kind of pleasure, even when you are kinky. Certainly blood and poo or scat are substances I am happy not to be covered with. But I have no fear of urine and definitely none of spunk, infact the feel of being covered with something hot and sticky, or hot, wet and with that tell tale smell of uric acid is a positive turn on.
It could have been the first time that Master and I played (or if not, it was soon after), that He watched me pee into the toilet. He told me He preferred me not to close the door; infact that might have been one of the first rules.
But it was some time after, that He had studied my kinks on Fetlife in detail that any kind of piss play took place. Even now, though we both share this kink, we have not indulged all that much. But I do know that this is a major thing for Him. He loves to watch and He loves to feel me pee over Him. He loves even more to cover me with that hot, yellow liquid. So far, I haven’t gone as far as to let it fall on my face, or into my mouth, but I would, if He asked told me to.
As a young nurse, I did get squirted in the face, and as a mum with a baby boy too. It wasn’t about kink it was about life, something to laugh about and say ‘oh yuk’.
Now Master is the boss and if He decides to pee on my face, well i might still say yuk and laugh. But I will relish the power He is exerting over me. Plus, to be honest, I do love Him watching me and enjoying that rush of gold as it gushes forth, onto the ground, into the bath, the toilet or onto Him.

February Photofest day 12 – Beaver

I got the idea for this post from a photo I saw on a Tumblr blog. Master prefers no underwear, but if I was wearing panties, then this would be a good thing to do with them as I prepared for bed. I have added in the beaver, because Master bought him for me when he travelled to Oregon last year and he lives locally in my bedroom.
This is posed, but of course if it were real, then beaver would be in evidence.

February Photofest – day 3 – Bare

Given the subzero temperatures right now, I am pleased to say that this photo was taken early last summer. We were out for the day at a beautiful country estate and gardens on a warm and sunny afternoon.
It is a rule that when I am with Master, I don’t wear underwear without permission. He prefers to have easy access to my body and I am happy with that particular situation. There is something both thrilling and scary about being almost naked in public, what is more, feeling His hand on your bare bottom as you stand in close proximity to other people is very arousing. 
In this photo we were hidden from others, but of course, ran the risk that at any moment someone could come into that particular building and see what Master was taking a photo of. During these cold days, I look forward to a time when it is warm enough to bare my arse in public again. 

Finding ‘it’ again

Over the past few weeks we have either been to busy or else too lethargic to explore our M/s sides. I haven’t necessarily been unhappy with the way things have been, since there is always an undercurrent of BDSM in our relationship. But given the choice I have to admit I do like it to feel a little more obvious. What is more, over recent months Master has bought his girl a few pieces of leather wear that I haven’t had much opportunity to wear. The most recent is a harness that frames my breasts and also has a leather collar. It arrived around Christmas time, but so far I hadn’t worn it, until last night.

It was obvious He was feeling horny as soon as I arrived at His house. There was something in the way He kissed and held me. Not to mention the way He caressed me and spoke to me. He loves me to tell Him who owns me and to say out loud that I am a slut, His slut. So there were clues in our conversation from the start. For once we weren’t going out anywhere, He had prepared dinner for us.
Once we had eaten, He removed my blouse and bra and put on the harness. The soft leather framed my tits and pulled them into a more pert position, it isn’t that I am especially saggy in that department, but a little help is welcome. The collar on this harness is an added bonus, something that doesn’t allow you to forget it is being worn, especially when he attaches a leash to it! I slipped my blouse back on and we sat watching tv and drinking wine. There is something different about sitting together while one of you wears a collar and harness and the other holds the leash. Something which leaves you in no doubt about the power dynamic.
Gradually the tensions of the week slipped away, as those submissive feelings which in truth are never far away take over once again. Master and slave, doing regular things, but with a difference.
Bedtime and He demanded use of the body He owns. Taking possession, plunging inside, declaring me to be His bitch, His slut. Telling me that I was to give my self to Him, that I was to orgasm for Him. Touching me, giving pain to me – squeezing, pulling, biting the pierced nipples He owns. 
Then as the orgasms subsided, we settled down to sleep. Both happy in the knowledge that what we have is there. That whatever else we do in our lives, He is still Master and I am still girl. His slave.

All about the girl

At the weekend I was talking to His slut via email about her Master’s desire for her to have a girl to play with. We discussed me writing something, which she is happy for me to do.

The idea of having girl on girl action as part of a play session or just some kinky sex, is something many men seem to want. The girls don’t need to fancy each other let alone be gay or bisexual. What is more, it doesn’t even have to be part of a BDSM thing. Men just seem to find the idea incredibly erotic. To be honest, I do too.

I love the idea of watching girls together, even it being me who is one of those girls. Especially if the action involves providing sexual service to our man. But ideas and desire are somewhat different from reality. I know because I tried it as part of a foursome almost two years ago. I wrote briefly about it, but at the time I was worried those involved in the dynamic might have read my words. Any way I wasn’t all that sure what I really thought about it.

Both of us did what we did because it was what our men wanted. Before hand we had spent a lot of time getting to know each other, chatting and finding out about each others lives and relationships. We both felt confident in our own relationships but weren’t sure about each others. Of course this turned out to be a bit of a joke. In hindsight mine wasn’t as strong as I imagined and I am pretty sure he was ticking another thing off his bucket list. For us both, the idea of sucking the other’s partner, or being fucked by him was less of a worry than what we might be expected to do to each other.

But, while I didn’t feel aroused by kissing her, or by touching her, the fact that our men were aroused by it was a massive turn on. What is more, being touched by her, and her by me was very very erotic. Her fingers were gentle, but she knew where to touch and how. I knewthis experience would never make me bisexual but I also knew that I would probably be happy to do it again.

The girl and I are still in touch and chat from time to time, in fact we did so on Sunday. I doubt she and I will meet again and it is unlikely even if we did there would be anything sexual involved. But we do have a special bond, a special memory which is different from the one the men have or that we have with them.

I am pretty certain that Master will introduce another girl into our dynamic at some time. Perhaps more than that since He has never hidden His own kinks and desires from me. While I find the idea a little daunting, after all, for a year now it has only been us during play and sex. I know I trust Him though, to keep me safe, to do what He considers best for me and us. So I don’t fear what might happen, I know I will probably enjoy it but I also know that I will be doing it for Him and for me that is just fine. I am a slave, but what I do I have consented to and I am happy to do so. Especially if I know it will make Him happy.

What to wear?

This girl has never possessed much in the way of festish / kink wear. S had a liking for stockings, suspenders and heels, but generally they were something you could find on any high street.

Master has spoken for some time about the kind of ‘clothes’ He would like to see this girl wear. He is keen for us to attend a suitable party / event soon and to do that, girl needs to be dressed right.

On this girl’s birthday she was presented with a breast binding harness. This gives girl just a little support for her 50 year old breasts, which means they sit proud. She really likes the effect it has on them and her upper body.

Then a few weeks ago, when we arrived at our hotel in Amsterdam (a lovely weekend away by the way), Master gave this girl two new presents. One was a beautiful collar made of soft leather. It is wide enough that this girl needs to keep her head up when wearing it. But comfortable enough that it could be worn for an evening. The second present was a spanking skirt, also made of leather. Master had spoken of girl wearing such a thing, so it had been in His mind for some time. The skirt feels lovely to wear, looking decent from the front but leaving nothing to the imagination from the back. That afternoon, this girl wore those two items and found herself slipping, with no effort into subspace. Master was thrilled with the effect.

Since then, this girl has dressed for Master in this way just once, but what she can say is that they made her feel completely sexy, horny and proudly the slut he so loves. They are easier to stand, lie down or to kneel in than to sit – maybe that says something about their purpose. Master photographed this girl dressed in this way and has posted a photo of the rear view on His blog. This girl has to admit she is really very pleased with the effect (He has a front view photo too, for His own collection).

As someone who used to feel self conscious in normal lingerie, it is an amazing thing that this girl would consider leaving the house wearing this kind of gear. But to be honest she is pretty excited at the prospect. This girl is not only a pleasing bitch for Master, but a very kinky one too!

Kinks and fetishes

Master has given me the task of blogging about my kinks and fetishes. I have written about all of them in this blog in the past, but this will give me the opportunity to go into much more detail.

There is no doubt that life in the kinky world has moved quickly for me, since my first encounters in April 2012. I was lucky to meet a man who made his fetishes clear to me and then who pushed my boundaries to achieve them. I have to admit the first time he called me a slut, or a whore, I wasn’t sure  I exactly liked it. But what was clear was that being called those names turned me on. So in no particular order:

Humiliation and exhibitionism – I am putting these together, because even though it is not always the case so often they have taken place at the same time. Wearing clothes I wouldn’t usually wear, perhaps without underwear can be both liberating and at the same time humiliating. Being out with Master while wearing  a short and revealing dress turns me on. I love the idea that others might look at me and think me a slut, I am willing to expose myself for Him, and to stand in a way that He can touch me up in a public place. I find it exciting, thrilling and shameful all at the same time. Sometimes though, I have been meeting Him somewhere and for example might have been to buy shoes. I am aware of my body at all times, the fear that i might need to bend over, might trip and my body be seen is scary but exciting. I love to be told how dirty I am, I love also to be made to express myself in words I wouldn’t usually wish to. To use the words whore, slut, cunt in ways that I know turn Him on and in doing so do the same to me. To have those words written on my body and to see them in the mirror as I dress in the morning is also a big turn on. I am not sorry that Master doesn’t have the same fetish for heels and stockings as S did. While I like the feel of the stockings, they are often too short, as I am tall. Of course, I would never have objected if that had been what He had wanted from me.

Being touched, played with, or even having sex out doors, especially in a public place is a big turn on for me. I love the feel of the air on my skin and the risks associated with being discovered doing something that is essentially taboo.

Anal play – I have written here quite a bit about the thrill Anal sex gives me. It feels on the one hand the most intimate thing, the biggest turn on and on the other something shameful (back to the humiliation thing). Increasingly I can orgasm without stimulation elsewhere, while having anal sex. What is more, the very presence of a butt plug, can be calming and settling. It helps put me into the most amazing head space. I have my new, larger plug at home and am very much looking forward to getting to know it much more intimately.

Restraint – I love to be restrained, especially when I have had a lot going on in my life, when I am tense. I love my legs to be restrained in the spreader bar, to have my arms tied (though I am less keen on handcuffs as they can be uncomfortable). If I am also blindfolded and gagged, then all the better. I love the way in which all of those things heighten your senses and make it hard to know what is exactly being done to you and with what toy.

Recently I have discovered that multiple orgasms, forced or otherwise, can have the effect of making me feel as though I am restrained, when I am not. This feeling helps my submission, especially when again I have been somewhat stressed for whatever reason.

Nipple play – My nipples have always been sensitive, but since I had them pierced you can multiply that 10 fold. I love when He plays with them in a public place or gives them a quick squeeze. I love them played with during sex, and I found out last week that it is possible to cum with no stimulation other than having your breast squeezed. I love also to play with  my own nipples and when alone, I do.

Pain – I am something of a pain slut, but not a masochist by any stretch of the imagination. Having said that, the more turned on I am, then the more pain I can tolerate. Especially if Master has taken a reasonably slow approach, perhaps starting with the violet wand and moving up through various paddles, crops and whips. Pain on my cunt, my tits and my legs are as good for me as on my bottom and back though.

Orgasm control, forced orgasms – The most amazing thing ever in my book is the hitachi, to be forced against your will (if indeed it was against my will) to cum multiple times with that wonderful toy is one of the best things. Closely followed by being able to cum just because someone tells you to. Luckily for me, Master likes me to cum and considers it an important thing, that orgasms are released and given to Him. Giving up that control was the first thing I did for Him and it is probably what got me to where I am now.

Cock worship – I am not sure this is a fetish or kink, since doesn’t every woman do this? Maybe not, since I didn’t in the past. The D/s dynamic gives a whole new perspective; He wants you to get down before Him and take Him, you want to, since you love His cock so much. Whatever, I do actually worship His very cock.

Have I missed anything? This might be a post that I need to add to……

Questions

I have tori to thank for my first questions, so here goes:

Do you fear how far you might go in your submission i.e. things perhaps you were sure you would never do, or do you just feel excitement

As far as I can see things right now, I am pretty much open to most ideas. I thought I didn’t like too much pain, but it turns out that actually I do. So far, Graeme tells me He has held back on the pain front and I probably can’t argue with that as I definitely haven’t reached any kind of limit with Him on that. 
But actually I don’t think pain and humiliation are my greatest challenge. For me it is about how i change my behaviours when i am with Him. Over the past couple of days we have discussed this quite a bit. For the most part when we are out together i am happy to just let him take the lead, but every now and then the me that wants to take over just, well, takes over. 
i am clear that my submission now is about expanding the boundaries around giving up control in new ways. Perhaps not jumping in to organise things in a restaurant? Perhaps stepping back when i normally would wade in? 
For me this is something new and equally something that i have spoken of. I have taken so much control during my marriage, letting go in real life situations is quite tricky. That is my challenge. 
What 3 things are high on your kink list?

This is harder, since i have done quite a lot!!
First i would like to try the girl thing again. Last time, well although it was fun i didn’t really think it was for me. But if that was what was wanted of me, to please my Dom then yes, i would be happy to go again.
Second really is piercings – not essentially kink but the reason for them and the things that could be done because of them are kinky. Graeme and i have been discussing nipple and clit hood piercings for me. i am pretty sure they will happen this year. and then the kinky sky might well be my oyster
So i am now seeing Gadget Man, and in the past month i have been exposed to experiences that i could never have imagined. I think my fantasy would be a new toy He hasn’t tried before and for which i am His first guinea pig.

These are my first March Questions – does anyone have any more?

Can’t turn the clock back

A post by Vesta at Vesta’s submission has had me thinking all day as I have gone about my pre-Christmas preparations (decorating the tree and shopping for presents) today. I am struggling with getting into the Christmas spirit this year. I can’t quite get into the mood and am going through the motions a little. Still I have most of the presents bought, a few wrapped. I have started on the cards, but am struggling with signing our names in the usual way. I have a lovely tree chosen by my son who also helped to decorate it. For 22 he is still loves Christmas and why shouldn’t he?

I know that it doesn’t have to be like this. I know that all I had to do in the summer when S and I finished (all be it briefly), was to tell hubby that I had made a mistake and that I wanted to try again. There have been many times since that day that I could have patched things up between us. But, how can I? The relationship he is offering me is not what I want. I have discovered things about myself over the past couple of years that I probably always knew. I can’t turn the clock back and pretend otherwise.

Until April 2012 hubby was the only man I had had full intercourse with. I always knew there was more that I wanted and needed but I struggled to work out what it was. I also knew that I didn’t really want that something else with hubby. I spent lots of time reading about sex, particularly since we have had a computer in the house. There were programmes about kink on the TV form time to time and I was curious, but I didn’t do anything about that curiosity.

The beginning of the relationship with S coincided in a heightening of my curiosity and discovery about the kinky side of me. One didn’t cause the other, they happened at the same time. I was reading about BDSM, particularly blogs and stories, and I was visiting kink related websites (like Fetlife) and chatrooms. It was in a kink chatroom that I met S for the first time. We chatted and played out a fantasy scene. I was aroused and I was even more curious. Over the following few days I discovered that I was willing to things he asked me to like wearing no panties, like playing with myself when in a public place, like wearing stockings. I found that being called a slut by him turned me on. I found I wanted to please him. I discovered my submissive side and I liked it.

A defining moment came on the day I bought a butt plug and inserted it, in a car park while on the phone to him. He told me I was a good slut.  I loved the feeling of that plug inside me, but I loved the feeling of being told I was a good slut and that he was pleased with me even more. A few days later I met him and was bending over while he spanked me and then claimed me for his own.

I am not a different person to the one I was 2 years ago,  but I have explored my limits and I have found I want more than I ever knew from a relationship. I know I can’t go back to the way I was then, and what is more I don’t want to. I am kinky and that is something I just am. I didn’t choose this, but you know what I am not sorry.

Photo from Austi81