Maintenance

I read a lot about maintenance, my fellow submissive bloggers discuss frequently how they need to be spanked frequently, or to follow particular rituals so that they can keep on the straight and narrow of submission. It is difficult to follow rituals when you are not living together and when you both lead busy lives, well you can follow rituals, but the other person doesn’t know if you have carried them out. Also the Dominant would need to be very attentive, checking in for progress reports. Our relationship definitely isn’t like that. Of course you can’t receive maintenance spankings if you are not together either, unless you were to spank yourself at His behest, and to be honest that sounds a little on the weird side.

We haven’t seen each other for around a month, and during that time i haven’t been particularly submissive or slut like. i have been on holiday and while there i wore shorts or trousers every day. Even when i have worn a skirt, i have always worn underwear and not once have i been near a pair of stockings (though if it gets any colder something will need to be applied to my legs). I haven’t even shaved my pussy (though other areas have been attended to). I have definitely got very lazy, which means that if He turned up on a white charger out of the blue i would need to rush to the nearest bathroom, quickly followed by my bedroom before i was ready for Him.

I am getting back into the right mindset for tomorrow’s meeting. We have chatted over the last few evenings about the things we will do and where in His house these things will take place. We have discussed the punishment i might need (which may be ramped up a little after he reads this) and what form that might take. We have discussed what i will wear and how i will present myself the minute i get inside His front door. In the absence of regular ‘maintenance’ the ritual we have of talking through all of this stuff acts as a substitute. But probably i need a bit more of this to keep me on the right path, to keep me feeling like the submissive i am for more of the time.

Tomorrow is the day though and i am really looking forward to it. The good thing too is that afterwards i will have something to write about here and we can all be pretty glad about that!

30 Days of Submission – Days 20 and 21

After my holiday and the resulting period of navel gazing reflection what better way to get me back on the submission straight and narrow but the next installments of 30 days of submission? So here goes:

Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

Over the months since i first began to consider Dominance and submission in any serious kind of way and to practice elements of it, my submission has, as you might expect increased. This is of course part of the learning process i am going through with Sir as my tutor (as it were). But also writing this blog, reading the writings of others (real and fiction) has helped me to think about how i want to be as a submissive. One of the biggest things of course is the trust i need to place in Him when i am submitting to Him. Trust is something that develops over time, and as i increasingly place my trust in Him (whether that is about bondage, about the humiliating situations i submit myself to or whatever), i feel more submissive towards Him. It is almost as if when we are together, and in the middle of a scene, i can release myself completely to Him. I tend to over think, over analyse (who would have thought it?), but for increasing periods of time when we are together i can let all of that stuff go. Maybe that is why i am suddenly so reflective again – i just need to be with Him, submitting. Who knows?

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Any position where i have no or little control over what i can do feels submissive. Kneeling in front of Him, especially when i have just arrived and would prefer to be on my feet holding and being held while we kiss. On all fours on the bed or floor while he pushes his cock into me. Probably the most submissive thing for me though has been anal sex. I was curious before, but never imagined i would actually like it. It is hard to explain why that is, other than that it arouses me more than i could imagine and that, yes, it makes me feel ever more submissive. I love the power it feels that it gives Him. Plus it is something i have never done with anyone else and at present have no desire to do so. 

30 Days of Submission – Days 14 /15 The Train Journey

first of all lets get day 14 over with, then we can move on to the more interesting day……
 
Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar? 

I am no expert on religion, whether related to submission or not. It is not that I haven’t been brought up to believe in and respect God, but more that I do not conform to religion without question. I have only knelt in church because I have been following a group of people doing so; indeed I am not someone who needs to attend church to believe in anything. I value the moral values that religion brings with it, but feel that there are too many people out there twisting religion to meet the beliefs they have. I felt that getting married in church was important to me at the time, but then it was a tradition to do so and I did many things around that time to please my parents. 

I don’t believe that i can be a religious submissive for another reason – it is not my husband that I am submissive to and therefore I am no ‘good wife’. Yep that absolves me from this one as far as I can see.

Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

It has evolved alright. i am almost a different person to the one i was in April. From the beginning of this i have embraced new experiences, but i wouldn’t have believed that i would do some of the things i willingly do now. Humiliation and pain have probably been the areas where the greatest development has taken place. Until recently i didn’t even know that i would be able to stand being spanked with the lead attached to my collar, or that i would love to have my nipples clamped. If someone had told me in March that by September i would be travelling on a train wearing a tight skirt, seamed stockings and heels to meet a man who would within the hour have me tied to a bed while he spanked me, i would have declared them mad.  

But yesterday i not only did that, i exposed my bare pussy on that train, allowed my lovely Sir to stroke me and bring me to orgasm (with his permission of course) and briefly sucked his cock (shortly after the ticket inspector had checked our tickets). 

There is much much more to record here on my dear blog, but i need a day or two to get my thoughts in order. So bear with me!

I am Number 18

The 18th person to become a Cock Worshiping Sub (CWS for short over at Spanky’s place Bright Bottom. i have thought of becoming a member for quite a while, because of course i do worship Sir’s cock and know that my place during play and in the bedroom is to give Him pleasure. That pleasure includes him using any part of me that he chooses for his cock. I love nothing more than to feel his cock inside me, owning me, possessing me.

What is different with Sir, as apposed to what has gone before is that i really do worship that cock. It is those moments when i am kneeling before him, with his cock in my mouth that i face who i am, what i am and where i am. i truly worship him and his cock.

Spanky has set a challenge for all the CWS members (this is number 2), as follows:

To write 55 words on the moment before you know you will be sucking a cock.

i have waited weeks for this and here i am. The smell; newly showered mixed with arousal. Is that me or you? Maybe both of us? It is big today, will it fit into my mouth? Will i be able to give you what you want? Can i take you deep enough. I will.