Fantasies

Me from the back, wearing leather harness and spanking skirt.
An early picture of me in harness and spanking skirt.

I used to spend a lot of time thinking about what might be. Then I started on this journey of Dominance and submission, BDSM and self discovery. This whole blog is really about fulfilling fantasies. Some have exceeded my wildest dreams and some have been less thrilling. What’s left to do? Well nothing I dream of but maybe there are things to do anyway.

Sex that is like in books

By the time I was 49 I had had one sexual partner. Dull, but true, and in 2012 I decided to take the plunge and seek more from my life. I’d read about great sex in erotic and other fiction as well as magazines , but didn’t know if it was true. Turns out my sex life was definitely lacking, though not everything you read is true either. Men don’t come 5 times a night, well not when they are in their 50’s anyway. They have way more stamina and the men I discovered knew their way around a woman’s body. Of course, I was lucky with the ones I found.

Within months of my first encounter with S I’d had sex outside and then later a foursome. These were both things I’d thought about and imagined.

Later it turned out that good sex wasn’t everything. So having come from someone who loved me but was dull in bed, I now discovered that I needed both. Plus I dreamed of a proper D/s relationship.

A power exchange relationship

I’ve read a lot of books about BDSM and power exchange relationships in particular. I love the fantasy element and am happy to suspend reality in many cases. It is a shame that so many feature billionaire men who discover a young woman they have to tame and train, before falling deeply in love. But now and then there are books that are more realistic. I wanted to experience life with a dominant man, become his sex object, but had no desire to spend my life kneeling naked at his feet. In any case I had a job to hold down and a son still living at home.

Master is quite low key in his power exchange expectations. So low key that you hardly notice what is happening. The extent to which dependency occurs and you find yourself deferring to him. Of course, the process has been a long one. 5 years in February. But from the beginning there were signs – the reference to myself in the third person, his control of my orgasms and ownership of my body.

I often wonder if I am truly a slave, after all I am pretty unruly, though never truly disobedient. I am bad at calling him Master, except in the bedroom. But when I look back at the person I was at the beginning, he has helped me modify my behaviour. I am less likely to jump in to a situation and take over. I let him take the lead most of the time and now relish that fact. He usually asks my opinion but he makes the final decision.

BDSM fantasies

I’ve had the opportunity to try many experiences over the past few years. Things that people put on their fantasy lists – bondage, forced orgasm, piss play, electrical play, the vac bed, to name a few. We’ve played in public, which is something I always wanted to do and will continue to. I’d like to attend more CMnf events and perhaps ones that require a higher protocol. It certainly wouldn’t do me any harm to be a proper slave for a few hours.

But really I am at the stage where I am just happy living an ordinary life with my partner. Yes, it is a bit different from other people but it’s generally tame. But tame in a fun way.

One final thing

It has never been my fantasy to have sex with another woman, I really am heterosexual. But actually I do wonder if I should be braver and just let it happen. I know Master would enjoy watching me with a woman and it might be fun. The opportunity is there and I am conflicted about whether to take it.

You see, some of the things I have done weren’t actually fantasies until just before I did them. Or else not until I read about them and then thought why not. Plus I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to miss out. So, we’ll see!

tellmeabout

Learning about the D/s world

i am somone who likes to know about the things i do. i research holidays and places i visit. i buy guide books, some of which i never look at once i arrive! i have a thirst for knowledge, and lets face it the internet is great for people like me who seek to know things. i have been looking periodically at information relating to BDSM and this lifestyle for some time, but over recent weeks i have read little else. Am i a little obsessive right now? Yes pretty much.


There are some interesting websites with forums and information and of course chat rooms and personal ads. i particularly like BDSM Library for information and forums and Bondage.com for the chat facility. But there are so many other resources out there. There are some amazing blogs and information sites. i will start adding to my blogroll soon, but at the moment i am tending to read blog posts in a slightly random way, this is about my thurst for knowledge and about my desire to work out what kind of lifestyle i am looking for and a bit about what my limits might be.


One of the first people i chatted with in a chat room on BDSM library suggested he wanted me to wear a nappy (diaper) so he could train me. Well this is a no no for me. i am not, for anyone wearing a nappy and that it it. But there are lots of things which involve bondage, gagging, sex in public, humiliation, punishment etc which on face value appear more extreme but to me are worth thinking about before saying no. 


i have been reading a number of BDSM novels. i am really grateful for the kindle because it means i can sit in my living room or on the train and read what i want. Though recently on the train, tightly squeezed against the next person i reverted to a Rosie Thomas novel instead. Some of the literature available is a little far fetched, though pretty erotic, and these books are often quite short (so be careful not to spend too much on them). But many are extremely good books with excellent plot lines and an underlying message. The Dom of my Dreams by MF Sinclair is one of my favorites. It is about a publishing editor who thinks she is carefree and single, but who is frightened of committment. She tends to pick up men, sleep with them and discard them. The story is about an author giving her a taste of her medicine, while playing to her D/s fantasies. There are more books and when i get round to the blogroll i will create a book list too.


Finally i have been reading two more informational books by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, these are the New Bottoming Book and The Ethical Slut. When i have finished reading these i will say more, suffice to say though i am learning loads. 


Lord knows when doing all of this i am managing to fit in normal life, but of course i am. And will continue to do so.