Blogging A-Z 2018: I

So, I am now a day behind. Every year, I plan to plan and get ahead and every year something comes up and I get behind. Yesterday was my brother’s birthday and there was just no time to publish a post before going out. This then, is the first of two posts this evening.

I is for Interacting

Communication is such an important aspect of human life. Face to face, it is the non verbal queues that often have more effect on us than the words spoken.

Online, we see rather than hear the words, but can’t see the person typing them and often struggle to see their true meaning. Who hasn’t received an email, grown angry at it’s contents and responded. I certainly have, though these days I try to pause, think about my response and sometimes pick up the phone.

I love the way we interact with each other as bloggers, commenting under a post, tweeting about what we have read. Or engaging with each other about blogging and writing on Twitter. It is easy though for the message being conveyed to be lost in translation, not because we don’t speak the same language. But because we can’t pick up those non verbals.

Commenting on blogs

The other day I had a little rant about people commenting, or not on each other’s sinful Sunday posts. It is one of the things Molly asks us to do and since  shadow banning started to be an issue it has become more important. We need to get our work out there for others to see and unless it is publicised they don’t. Also commenting is useful for growing your own audience. But mostly it shows the other person that you have visited and thought about what you have seen. People came back to say that they often didn’t have time or were going through challenges in their lives. Of course, I can’t claim to be perfect either, since there are occasions I don’t look at all Sinful Sunday and other Meme’s posts let alone comment.

There is also the issue of having nothing new or constructive to say, as well as people being overly critical. Being nice for the sake of it isn’t right, but upsetting people is worse.

But, it is worth considering why we contribute to memes such as Sinful Sunday. As is thinking about how we feel knowing people have visited and commented. There are lots of ways of showing appreciation, through comments, on Twitter or by posting a round up. But interacting with each other is important and where possible we should do it.

Blogging A-Z 2018: B

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

B is for Blogging

In a couple of weeks I will reach the 6th anniversary of my lifestyle blog. Starting out on blogger as World of joolz, I must have sensed that I would need to record my journey. At that time I was dipping a toe into D/s and exploring sex in a way I had only dreamed of.

To begin with it was my own personal journal and wasn’t read by anyone but myself. Good job too, since my writing style left a lot to be desired. Reading back,  posts are often short and something of a brain dump. They are also short on detail about what really went on, including my feelings. But gradually as I read around my new subject matter, explored and commented on other blogs, things changed. My writing improved as I engaged with others and while I still wrote for myself, there was definitely a benefit in knowing others were reading too.

The blog has helped me express myself through difficult times, like telling my husband about my affair with S. Writing helped me to express my feelings, deal with the confusion and decide what I should do next. The relationship with S ended and very soon after I met the man I now call my Master. He is my lover and also my partner. I told him about the blog early in our relationship, without realising he would go back and read every post I had ever written. This helped him learn about me and also directed his questioning about what I wanted from our sex and kink life.

Over the past couple of years I have engaged with the sex blogging community much more. To the extent that I have met many of those who now read my blog. I enjoy using the prompts from memes such as Wicked Wednesday and Submissive Coffee Club. Sinful Sunday has helped us to develop a more creative side through photography. But in the main what I write and post here is personal, for me and for us. Of course I don’t publish all of the gory details of my life, but I think that I am more open than most.  This is because I want to be able to use the blog to record our continuing journey.

Eroticon Diary – The return

Today we travel into London for Eroticon. Despite working in the capital city and therefore travelling into town every day, I love a weekend there. We usually stay at the same hotel, a quite swanky place, well situated for bus and tube. There are a couple of favourite restaurants we like to go to and often there is a show, gallery or concert to attend. This time though will mainly be about Eroticon.

Having attended last year, I have a clearer idea of the format, know the venue and it’s layout and also some of the people who will be there. This year though, I have been more active on twitter and have engaged with people on their blogs. I want to get to know some more people in real life and hope that will happen over the course of the weekend.

I am reaching the end of my full time working life. There are plans to give up work as soon as the house gets sorted and then to become a contractor and work less. I hope then to devote a bit more time to writing and to see where that takes me. The eroticon sessions will, I hope help me form some ideas to take forward. I am looking forward to the Kink lab at the end of tomorrow’s session. Hopefully for us to watch and try out new things.

Tonight’s social should be fun and a great ice breaker, something I am really looking forward to. We don’t plan to attend tomorrows, not because we are stick in the muds or maybe we are. No, we intend to visit our favourite tapas bar and can’t do that if we go to the social. Plus we do like to spend time for just us and that will be it.

There will be further Eroticon Diary updates as the weekend progresses.

Eroticon 2018

 

One of those update posts

The strain of blogging every nearly every day for the Blogging A-Z challenge left me needing a break. I am so enthusiastic at the start of these memes but time, bad planning and the challenge of obscure words can get in the way.

But it’s time to move on and get back to reality. The February Photofest and Blogging A-Z Challenges are behind me. Time to move on through the year, develop some discipline and post spontaneously. It’s 2 months since Eroticon and I still haven’t got around to making the changes I said I would. No space so far for fiction, and generally my creative juices are struggling to emerge.

Life around here has been pretty full on, what with work, family and social stuff. Add a holiday into the mix and stir in Master’s new bathroom* and you get the picture. Not that any of this is an excuse, since over all I am pretty lazy when not doing any of the above. *N.B He has people in to fit the bathroom, though I helped out in choosing accessories. There are still towels, bathmats and a little cupboard to be considered.

We are very aware of the need to instil a bit more fun and play into our lives. Plus of course sex. The joy of spending more time together this past couple of weeks has included time discussing how to inject energy into our relationship. Plus to rediscover things like anal sex, which we haven’t done for a while.

This week he bought me a leather bra. Something I can wear under my clothing or else on its own around the house. The leather is beautifully soft and comfortable to wear. Master has a real fetish for leather gear, well he just has a real fetish in reality! Summer is on the way, though it isn’t too warm around these parts yet. But the opportunities to get out an about and to have some fun are emerging. Plus he has promised more dungeon time for my birthday in August.

Lots to look forward to and hopefully the opportunity for fun and games on top of normal life.

Summer here we come!

The person I am now

On Sunday, I wrote about the slave I feel i am now. In that post, I considered the changes I have made during my relationship with Master and the way in which perhaps evolution has taken place. As a happier person, someone who no longer needs to take charge of many situations, perhaps my natural self has emerged for probably the first time.

Encounters with my ex are still a challenge. He is a man who for many years used me as his main form of support and who at times seems to struggle in taking control of his own life. My son is frustrated by the way his dad interacts with him but luckily he doesn’t expect me to intervene. You see, I couldn’t be the person i was when we were together. The person who made the decisions, who managed finances and life in general. At times he still frustrates me, but he is not my problem. As we move further apart, dealing with him becomes easier, even if I haven’t quite managed to properly extract myself from this marriage and I still live here in our house. I also acknowledge I haven’t dealt with the way he just walks in still, but increasingly I am separating myself from that and am unaffected by it. I know what needs to be done and just need to get on with it.

Next there is the relationship I have with my mum. Probably for the first time since my dad died, or perhaps even for a much longer period than that I am managing to distance myself from her. Her needs of me are such that she does rely on me to take her shopping and to help with the general management of her life and home. But I do have two brothers who are being required to step up. Gradually she is calling me less and also gradually she is emerging from the pain of bereavement. Hopefully this year we will help her become more independent. What is true though, is she actually doesn’t begrudge me my happiness, she is learning to leave me alone at the weekends when I am with Master and when she calls it is for a chat and no more. Gradually too, I am letting go of the feeling that I need to be needed.

As for my son, well he is living with his girlfriend, developing his career, and having a good time. He and I have the relationship we need. He knows where I am when he needs me and while I would like to see more of him, I know that he needs the space right now. Happily he now seems to approve of my relationship with Master and for that I am extremely happy.

Finally there is one person who seems to recently been trying to renew his relationship with me over the past couple of weeks. I will always be grateful to S for helping me to see that I didn’t need to put up with the life I had. Grateful also for helping me find my submissive self but much more the sexual person I really am. But he also was the man who dumped me twice. He is the man who made me feel he was the Dom of my dreams only to reveal himself as something of a fraud. We have remained friends on Facebook and Fetlife, though for many many months there was no contact. Suddenly over the past couple of weeks he has appeared on Facebook and begun to chat. Both times i have been polite but have also felt that this isn’t what i want. His assertion that he only has good memories of me isn’t exactly reciprocated and I have been feeling that now is the time to permanently cut off all contact. Reading Morning Star’s post today made me think that perhaps that is exactly what I need to do.

365 questions – January 19th

My current favourite website is………


I have no one favourite website, what I have is a number of places that I regularly visit for different reasons and that I like. These tend to change slightly over time and depending on mood.

Social media – generally I visit Facebook far too much, I like to keep up with family, my slimming world and to see what Master might have shared today. Twitter, I like to look at to see what is trending; far too many famous people’s deaths lately. Also recently starting to follow some of the sex / kink people from my alternative account.

News – The Guardian or Huffington post, though I am not adverse to viewing more right wing places. Less so the BBC these days, unless looking for news on my football team, Arsenal.

Cookery – I love to check out recipes, even if I don’t always follow them to the letter they are brilliant for ideas. I like Jamie Oliver and some of the BBC good food recipes among others.

I visit Fetlife when I am in the mood for it and when I want to catch up with events. Sometimes though I just find it too irritating – there is no one way and too many people there think there is.

Tumblr – Master’s blog and then my feed page. At times I am looking for a certain photo to reblog, or looking for an idea for a post but others I just want to look at porn. I am not sure where that came from in me, but it is there!

Then there are blogs; those I have linked to and sometimes on a voyage of discovery moving from site to site finding new places I have never been to or else not for some time. These are generally sex related, kinky, BDSM, M/s…….. But where I go depends on my mood.

There are more places, shopping, wikipedia, amazon to name a few.

The world wide web is a massive place (not to say that you can always trust it) and I am always open to new places to visit once, twice or often.

365 days – 17th January

What are you grateful for?

There is so much to be grateful for in my life as it is right now.

Master – that we approach our second anniversary and having stood the test of time we are together and closer than ever. I know I say this a lot, but I am happier than I ever imagined. That I can express my submission to Him in the way I do gives me so much pleasure. I am His and that feels good.

My lifestyle – I have a good job that pays well. This means I can easily pay my way and enjoy life. It also means I can help my son when he needs it and I can go and buy clothes (and other things) if I want to.

The fact that things with ex-hubby are getting easier, who knows this might be the year that I draw this whole thing to a close.

My family – My mum (though god knows she tests that gratitude frequently), my brothers, nieces and nephews. My wonderful son and his girlfriend, the fact they are happily getting their own life together and that he no longer relies on me and is as happy as he is.

The holidays – I always wanted to travel to new places and now I can and do. I love the places we go and the places we see.

My apartment in France – While it is currently a bit of a drain on resources it will be a source of income and a way of providing some pension in the future. It is also a haven, a place to go and to enjoy and it has given me some experiences I would never otherwise have had.

New experiences – That Master let  me into his ‘world’; his interests – films, music, history, art, travel and in turn I have made him experience mine! Including the family!

Wine – I know I sometimes drink too much of it, but thank goodness for the grape and the work that those who make such amazing wine do. Ditto for good food!

Slimming world – The slimming club I joined last April and the friends I have made there who are helping me to counterbalance the wine and food described above.

Happiness  – I am happier than I ever imagined I would or could be.

365 Questions – January 15th

Who last called you on the phone?

In terms of an actual telephone, mobile or landline, I think the last person who called me was a work colleague who was telling me she had arrived at my office building for our meeting. But I don’t think that is particularly interesting since it was a very short call for a specific purpose. Instead I think today I shall talk about how Master and I are communicating while he is in Spain and I am here. Speaking on the phone would cost money and while hearing his voice would be great, seeing him on Skype suits us much better.

He called me last  night at around 10.30pm and we chatted for a good couple of hours until I went to bed. This is the way we chat to each other most of the time when we are apart, and I love to be able to see him, his facial expressions and what he is up to while we chat. Our conversations this week have been about what we are both up to on each day, work for me and mooching around Seville for him. We chat about things we have done in the past together and about things we plan to do and places we want to go. We seem to be spending a bit too much time discussing politics and other current affairs type stuff and that really is not such a good thing, since we often tend to have to agree to disagree on our respective view points. Still it is fun to have such discussions even if we aren’t agreeing.

With just a week to go until I see him, I know I can look forward to a few more calls this coming week.

So in answer to the question, Master was the last person to call. By Skype rather than on the telephone. Yippee for the internet!

Back to reality

There is something reassuring about being back in your usual routine after a period away from it. I quite like home, my own bed, the shower which is all too often more efficient than the ones you get in hotels, a choice of the entire wardrobe, a comfy sofa…..

All of those things have been an enjoyable part of being home. What has been less so has been the return to work and the feeling that I am trapped in a time warp where everything remains as it was in December and that to be honest, I don’t really want to be there. The health service feels like a hamster wheel; it is January so we must be worrying about our budget allocations (announced in time for Christmas), the contracts which will start in April, service specifications, KPIs and stuff like that. Round and round we go and to be frank I would really like to get off.

Added to that is the virus I managed to pick up on my last day or two in Spain and which has developed into a full blown cold complete with a feverishness which has me feeling a little ropey during the day and adds to my menopausal night sweats and prevents proper sleep. I find it hard to believe I have gone from the calm and well rested being managing to get 8 hours plus sleep a night to this in such a short time.

What is more, Master is still in Spain. While I am enduring the torture of work and the stresses of failing to give up my nightly gin and tonics he is busy swanning around Seville enjoying himself and updating Facebook with the evidence. Not that I begrudge him his fun, of course I don’t.

Ok, so I am just feeling a little sorry for myself, even though (apart from the virus) there is little to feel sorry about. I had an amazing 3 week holiday, I am still reasonably rested, the stresses of work are mostly passing over my head and any irritation I feel about Facebook photos of ham, fish and triple parking outside his apartment are just plain jealously that he is there and I am here.

Skyping with him of a night provides a reminder of our separation, but we both know it only has another 9 days to go. I plan to join him in Spain next weekend to accompany him back on the ferry home. A weekend together again will be fun and it will give me some slave time. He mentioned my lack of contract compliance last night, and it is true that I am not always the perfect slave girl. But in the main, I am coping well with this separation even if I would rather be there with him. I am enduring work in the knowledge that pay day will arrive and that I like to buy nice things.

Maybe the reality of normal life isn’t so bad. All I need now is to shake off the cold and get myself a good nights sleep. Maybe tonight I will request an orgasm to help with that…………

Why a woman might be turned on by the sight of another woman

The Other day, I read this article, which suggests that most women are actually either bisexual or lesbian. The article is based on an academic study, and I haven’t read the source of what was printed in an online newspaper. I say this, because working in healthcare as I do, I often find that what is contained in an academic research paper and what appears in the press can be a little different. Sensationalism is often the name of the game, with the press and media seeking to find the most shocking, exciting or even horrific finding and blowing this out of proportion.

But in this instance, taking the report and the headline at face value, has got me thinking. Just because I am aroused by looking at naked pictures or films of a woman, does not in my opinion make me lesbian or bisexual. What is more, even if I am turned on by seeing a naked man on screen it will not mean I will definitely fancy him in the flesh or want to have sex with him. A number of things can lead to me to become sexually aroused – a smell, a sound, a feeling, a memory and yes a visual encounter. But these things are often linked, rather than something that happens separately. For example, the sight of a woman touching herself may make me think of a situation when I was masturbating myself, or when Master was there beside me telling me to stroke myself. It isn’t the sight of the woman that arouses me per se, but rather the associated stimuli – the smell of my own sex, the knowledge that she might be doing this for her partner, the sounds that I suspect she might be making, the look of lust on her face. All of those things contribute to my own reaction. But put me in a room with her and that doesn’t mean that I wish to get up close and personal and to have sex with her.

Master often looks at porn photos and videos, and sometimes he will show them to me, hoping to make me aroused, which in turn makes him all the more turned on. It is true that he would love a situation where he watches me with another woman, I in turn would be happy to do such a thing. But I am reasonably sure that any arousal that I would experience as part of that event would be more about the knowledge that it was turning him on, rather than that I wanted sex with her for my own sake.

During my relationship with S, we had an encounter with another couple. It was a mad and crazy afternoon of fun and lust. I found the idea of the other woman immensely arousing, and when she was touching me, I was turned on. But it was the situation, not the person that made that so. In the same way, I was aroused when I sucked her partner when instructed to do so by S. They were fun and attractive people. He had a wonderful cock and while I was in the moment I was most definitely aroused. But it didn’t make me bisexual any more than it made me want to go off and have sex with her partner on our own.

In my opinion, there is far more to human emotion and sexual arousal than there appears at face value. To coin a research based phrase: there are just too many variables.

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