Time Management

It’s now 18 months or so since I left my permanent job and kind of retired. In that time I’ve worked on a couple of projects that paid money and am about to again soon. Mostly my time is my own in a way it never was before. Blogging is one of my main hobbies and I try to write most days. But without structure, it can become difficult to maintain productivity and then when some paid employment comes along it’s a challenge to do both.

I was listening to the latest Smutlancer podcast as I journeyed to my meeting yesterday. In it Kayla talks about having a morning (or whenever you need to get writing) routine. I was struck by how much I have tried to put structure into my day, where none previously existed. I’ve done this consciously over recent weeks because to be honest, my time management had slipped over the previous months. It became too easy to blog from the sofa or not. Plus, I had a whole list of things to do that I just kept moving forward in my 2019 planner. One of those was my divorce. It’s 6 months since I told my ex I would start proceedings and had done nothing. I had planned to update my blog, redesign it and make it more whizzy in time for the top 100. But I haven’t done that either. Last summer when I had paid work my blog was neglected. I don’t want that to happen again.

A new year is a good time for a new start

But only if you keep at it. So, new planner in hand I have begun to manage my time more effectively and get through my lists. I particularly love the structure and have created plans for the year and beyond as well as some week by week lists. This relates to personal stuff (the divorce), paid work (vanilla and sex blogging) and content creation for this and Food, Fitness and Health.

I know it is only 2/3 of the way through January but I am confident that I’m heading in the right direction.

Each week I look back at what I’ve achieved and think about how productive I’ve been and what habits I need to change. This also includes some health related stuff, which in turn is material for my health related blog. I’m finding that I want to write about much more than sex and kink (including posts like this). Whereas in the past I’d write nothing rather than something seemingly unrelated, I’ve changed my opinion. This in turn has released some of my creativity and I was delighted that this post was chosen as one of Cara’s picks in Elust. Plus I’ve written some fiction this month too.

Managing time going forward

I’m not convinced I’ve completely cracked the planning yet. My project plans, supplied in the planner need further fine tuning and also I need to think about how I’m going to review my goals at the end of each month. This will, I think help me stay on track. There’s also a finance element as well as productivity outcomes I’ve not completed yet. I was interested reading this post by Marie this morning, that she takes her planner to work with her and plans her work day in the same way as the rest of her life. This feels important to me, who will be returning (at least in part) to working. This time I want to be much more structured about how everything fits together.

The other thing I want to factor into my time is more exercise, adding more walks into my week. Currently I swim every week and walk to and from the pool. But I want to build an increasing amount of exercise in as I get fitter.

I’m sure I’ll return to this topic with an update later in the year.

2020 – Goals and plans for the New Year

I’ve written a couple of reflective posts over the last couple of weeks. This one offering my personal thoughts and reflections of 2019 and this, a review of my blogging year. And now, on New Year’s Eve 2019 I turn to 2020 and my goals and plans for the coming year.

Last year at this time I bought myself a planner and used it reasonably well for the first 6 months or so. Really though I only planned a month at a time and kept rolling goals and plans forward. I was always going to lose weight, always going to earn money, to redesign my blog and write loads. But at the end of the year I am the same weight, earned only a small amount of money and my blog is exactly the same. So, my first goal is to use my new planner properly and to set longer term goals as well as short term ones. I’ve begun that process, which is how I am able to articulate them here in this post.

Goal number 2

I want to be fitter and healthier. This does involve losing weight, but is more about being fit for surgery. Which is likely to take place towards autumn 2020. I’ve been exploring changes to my diet and have been intermittent fasting for about 6 weeks (some weeks more seriously than others). This involves fasting for around 16 hours and eating during an 8 hour window. I’ve made no other real changes but have lost a few pounds. This year I am going to try to work out what foods are good for me and which are not. I’ve been swimming most weeks for 7 months or so and I want to step up the exercise regime now. This all brings me to goal number 3.

Goal number 3

A new blog. I’d been toying with the idea of starting something new about health and wellbeing. Something to help me along in meeting the challenge of getting ready for surgery. Marie messaged me to say she had been thinking of doing something similar, but wondered if I might want to do it. Great minds hey? So I got myself a new domain – because I want it to standalone from this and attract people who might not be interested in the stuff I write here. But also I wanted to give myself more accountability.

The past few weeks have been busy, so it is a bit less ready than I wanted. January will be about creating content, raising profile and getting people to visit and contribute. The purpose of Food and Fitness for Health is to promote a healthier lifestyle without becoming obsessed with thinness. I’m never going to be thin, but I do want to be healthy and I want others to share in that process. The blog will be about food – healthy food doesn’t need to be dull and boring. We all have to eat and can’t survive on salad and vegetables alone. We need chocolate, the occasional pizza, burgers. Because life isn’t just about physical wellbeing but emotional health too.

I’ve discovered exercise is good for me physically but also helps my mental health. It clears my mind of worries and confusion and allows me to function better.

I want people to share their stories about food, fitness and health. I want it to be a sex positive and body positive place, but it won’t be a sex blog as such. I hope that if you are reading this you will want to join me over there and contribute. More details on that to come.

Goal number 4

The time has come to take this blog to the next level, both in terms of content and style. In April it will be 8 years old and in February I will have been self hosting for 3 years. Early in the New Year I plan to start playing around with a new blog style and trying to make it as welcoming and fabulous as I can. Maybe creating a gallery of my photos, separating out types of posts etc.

In terms of content I want to focus on being able to pitch ideas for other sites and make some money. To do that I need to write content for the blog that is the same quality as it would need to be to pitch and sell. That I think is where the planning comes in. I’m writing this post to publish this afternoon and while I have thoughts about how it should end up it is being spontaneously written. That is how most posts are written and that will continue. But also I want to produce more research based and thoughtful writing both for MPB and Food and Fitness for Health. That takes time, but also provides an opportunity to schedule posts and to decide not to put them here but to pitch them elsewhere.

This brings me to Goal number 5 – Fiction

I want to write fiction, but need to be in the right head space and I think I am pretty much there. I am going to write a new fiction piece on MPB every month. I toyed with the idea of joining the Smut Marathon again but really don’t think I need to pressure. So, I’ll concentrate on writing here, though I may use some of the Smut Marathon posts. Instead of joining in I’ll commit to reading, commenting and voting on the entries. As well as reading more fiction written by my fellow sex bloggers since that helps with my own writing too.

Well, I think that’s enough to be going on with. So here’s to a successful blogging year in 2020 for me and for all of you lovely people who visit and who comment. Happy New Year!

Photo by Denise Karis on Unsplash

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Journal

Ever since I read the Diary of Anne Frank as a child I loved the idea of writing a diary or journal. Of course, the fact that Anne suffered and died as she did, mean that her writings have survived in a way none of us would wish. But as a young girl I loved the idea of revealing my thoughts and feelings within a written format. The trouble was that I didn’t have much to reveal, even to myself. Over the years I tried again and again but found my life dull, even to myself.

It wasn’t until I started blogging, early in the 2000s that I started to keep a more lasting record. Then I wrote reflective pieces about my work as a nurse as well as thoughts about the UK health system. Some of them were incredibly personal, but for some reason I felt more able to share with an anonymous internet than I could in a book. When, in 2012 I embarked on this journey, I deleted my work related blog. I feared the two being linked. I am sad that I didn’t just take them offline, but that’s another story.

Starting this blog

This is the third iteration of my submissive journey. I started it to document a whole new part of my life. While many of the first few posts were about specific events, I quickly began to create a deeper picture of my life. A journal.

Steve and I had met a couple of times, but it wasn’t clear that we would continue to do so. I began to chat online with a very intense young Dominant who somehow persuaded me to talk to him on a deeper level than I ever had before. It was a short relationship. But it was he who suggested I write a journal which would help me understand myself and where I thought I was heading. So I created a page where I did just that. This remains part of my blog and can be found here.

Over time I updated the page with links to posts that I felt related to my feelings. Looking back now, I can see that this is the closest to the journal I always wanted. For some reason writing in this format allowed me the freedom to write in a way I had always wanted.

I now have three pages that are essentially a chronological journal. Sometimes additions are added regularly (every week or two) but more often now, they are monthly.

Blogging versus writing a journal

Some blog posts are personal and lend themselves to being linked to the journal pages. But in the main they are not. Weeks and sometimes months go by when I feel life has just been happening. Blog posts are about specific topics or tell a story. Often they are not especially personal of profound, or they don’t feel like they are. However, when I go back to look, there is something that makes me feel I need to keep a record.

Many of the most recent f journal entries relate to my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. At that time I was thankful that I had this place to write my thoughts and feelings day by day. But then later to be able to link them to my current journal page.

Master and I both look back at what I have written from time to time. It helps to understand where I have come from and they journey we have both taken to now. It’s just that now is an ever moving place.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Talking dirty

I’m not a vocal person when I’m having sex. But just because I don’t scream with pleasure, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it. Nor does it mean that I am not aroused or not about to come. Given the choice I would internalise all of the feelings I have about what I am doing and just allow them to wash over me. But I don’t really have the choice, since Master demands a reaction from me. During sex he will be talking dirty and when he does, I do too.

Running commentary

Master likes to tell me exactly what he is doing to me and how it is making him feel. If his cock is deep inside me he will let me know how deep it is and how wet I am. These tend to be things I already know, but the fact he is telling me concentrates my mind. He loves to talk about breeding me, which is something I would have liked too, if we had met sooner. This is one of his fantasies and I actually find it reassuring, it shows he loves me that much.

Much of what he says though could be described as both dirty and degrading, if you were of that mind. He call’s me a bitch and a slut and asks me who I am and if I am his. He derives enormous power from the things I say to him, that I am his slave, his pleasing bitch, his slut. You see I am not just any bitch or slut, but HIS and that is what is important. His dominance over me is confirmed for him when I am talking dirty to him, especially as my natural stat is not to speak at all. This confirms his power and authority and in that moment he is not only my Master, but my Lord too.

How talking dirty feels to me

When I tell Master that I am his pleasing bitch it reaffirms my submission. Reminds me of the slave I agreed to be and am. It helps me to focus on him and on nothing else and to remember who is the boss here. I am a consenting and willing participant, but he is in charge and calls the shots. I am there to please him, to be the slut he wants and needs. Uttering those words puts me into a space I don’t tend to inhabit all of the time.

That means that while most of our dirty talk takes place in the bedroom, or perhaps playroom there are other times. He might come up behind me, hold me and whisper in my ear: “who’s bitch are you” and of course I will answer that I am his. He rarely calls me Julie, but instead girl. This is all part of his belief that I remember my submission better if I am constantly reminded of it. Knowing that I am this girl really does focus me. And when he calls me bitch or slut instead of girl, my cunt clenches and submission becomes sexual arousal. Which I guess is all part of what I am and who I am. Master’s Pleasing Bitch, sex slave to her Master.

Sensuality and the senses

It is with pleasure that I am able to contribute to a new meme hosted by Brigit Delaney. I am approaching 2019 with some blogging enthusiasm and so, having the time to sit and write is a massive bonus. The first prompt is about sensuality and the senses and considering my topic and approach led me to our last play session in early December.

We have attended the club in question a few times now for both CMnf and more relaxed social events. That day was a Christmas social and I had dressed in my Santa girl outfit, complete with stockings. My only other lingerie was my bra.

Touch

I climb up onto the bench and lean over so that my knees and shins are positioned on the leg rests. stretching my arms I am pleased to find that I can find a comfortable position for them. I lay my head on the cool plastic on the bench and close my eyes. Master lifts my dress and slowly strokes my bottom with soft fingers. He starts with a soft rubber flogger and brushes it over my cheeks, teasing as he strokes between my already moist thighs.

Hearing

There is music playing in the background. One of those CDs that comes out at Christmas with all of the old favourites on. Since it is early December, this is the first time I have heard Christmas music this year. I can also hear the sound of people talking, mainly in low voices to each other and also the sounds of others playing. The swish of a flogger, the impact of a paddle or cane and the cries of other submissive girls in the midst of pain and pleasure.

Master moves around quietly, choosing the next toy with which to torture and from time to time he checks in, whispering in my ear. Calming me, reassuring me and making sure I am in a good place, and I am.

Sight

I have my head down, and so my field of vision is limited. I am also facing the Christmas tree and the speaker from where the music is coming. Anyway, I keep my eyes closed for most of the time. It helps me to concentrate on the pain and on channeling my feelings about it. By concentrating on the sounds rather than what I can see I can block the real world from my head.

Smell

To begin with the main smell if of plastic and the alcohol used to clean the bench. It is not unpleasant, but kind of clinical. But as time passes and the intensity of the impact on my bottom increases, I become aware of something else. My nostrils fill with the aroma of my own arousal. That sweet smell of sex and this increases as he runs his fingers over my slick pussy lips. He sniffs his finger and then leans his head over mine. “you’re very wet” he says. “Girl is very turned on”. Indeed she is and she can feel and smell it.

Taste

When I had first lay down on the bench all I could taste was the Prosecco I had just sipped. But within minutes I can taste my apprehension. My mouth dries and I have to lick my lips to maintain some moisture. As time progresses and my own sex fills my nostrils so my mouth waters and I can almost taste my own juices. As the session draws to a close he leans and kisses me and then I taste a mixture of him, me and prosecco. An intoxicating blend.

Eroticon Diary – Afterwards

Today I was back at work just a few miles from Camden Town. It seemed almost impossible to believe that my 4 day break had flown by quite so quickly. The anticipation and excitement I felt on Thursday as I left the office replaced by tiredness and yes a little sadness. We are going to have to wait an entire year before Eroticon takes place again. But I have taken away some amazing memories along with a head crammed with ideas. Yesterday I was just too tired to write, but in the office this morning  I could have written loads. Instead I got down to the emails, interspersed that is with twitter chat. So, what were my highlights?

The talks

There were so many great sessions to attend, so there were difficult choices. I can honestly say I enjoyed every session I went to.

Remittance Girl’s session on Taboo and Transgression had me thinking all weekend. It also gave Master and I plenty to discuss in our downtime and with others at the conference. The universal taboos of incest, murder and canabalism are almost passé as film and book topics. Speaking ill of modern politicians and celebrities perhaps carries a greater danger. Remittance Girl was clear that as writers we must tackle the really difficult topics. Consent, pornography, the sexualisation of children, of illness and disability to name a few.

Kayla Lords provided an insight into the making a living from blogging and writing. Something I hadn’t really considered. It has made me assess my worth and given me food for thought about the future. This is not something I would pursue while still working but it could be an alternative to what I had planned. On Sunday, I attended Cressida Dowling’s session: Is there a book in your blog? In essence I think the answer is no – I have no clear theme, I am not organised enough and am probably too lazy. I’ll leave that to others and buy their book.

Neil Brown’s Legal tips session was very interesting. Unfortunately we got stuck on the issue of age verification. I know this is a really important topic and one we all need to know about, but it prevented him covering everything. I enjoyed hearing his views and advice on freelancing, particularly after Kayla’s earlier talk. And I was pleased to find he confirmed much of her advice.

The talk on SEO by Miguel and Mark from Fetish.com was extremely useful. The loss of my blog and subsequently pasting my old backed up posts means I have about 600 without SEO. Loads to do then.

Vac Play and Kink Lab

I knew Mactire was going to be at Eroticon and had already decided I was going to try out vac play. He offered me the choice of all 3 of the beds, I chose the one I thought least likely to cause me anxiety.

I loved the experience and will definitely try the cube in the future. I am less keen on the Vac Bed that involves being completely encased in rubber.

 

Socialising 

Last year  at Eroticon I struggled to engage fully with my fellow delegates. This is not a new issue for me at conferences. I tend to stick with people I know and having Master with me meant I conformed to type. This year though I wanted things to be different. He did too and I agreed to socialise more.

Being more active on Twitter before the event helped. By the end of the Friday meet and greet I had already spoken to more new people than in the whole of the weekend last year.

I enjoyed re-engaging with people from last year, putting faces to names from blogs and twitter. We spent some time on Friday speaking to Kendra, including helping her plan her visit to Harry Potter World. She told us a little about the talk she would be giving on Sunday. It didn’t however prepare me for the power of her talk on Sunday. I am in awe of the things she has gone through during her life and that she has fought so hard to express herself. She is an absolute inspiration.

I am an author

Earlier in the year I submitted a story for inclusion in the Truth, the Eroticon Anthology. My submission is a true life account. I can’t describe how good it makes me feel to see my work in the Anthology. I will write more about this another time.

A weekend away

We love a weekend in a hotel. Even though we live just 20-30 miles from the Eroticon venue there was no question of us commuting. That would make it too much like being at work. We stayed in our favourite hotel, near Euston and took the tube or bus. The cold weather took me by surprise since I didn’t believe the forecast. So I arrived in and had to wear my light weight raincoat all weekend. But our room was warm and the bed huge. Sunday afternoon we snuck away from Eroticon and attended a pre-booked concert. Then dozed in the room. I wanted to go and meet up for post Eroticon drinks but couldn’t find enough energy for more than a stroll to a nearby burger bar.

An extra night in the hotel and a day off on Monday rounded off the weekend. Back home it felt like the weekend was a dream. I felt sad because the days had flown by. But with such wonderful memories I know this sadness will be short lived.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Dear SIR

So today i head off to Barcelona for the weekend with hubby, my brother and his girlfriend, it feels like a good time to tell you that i have been writing this blog. You will have received the url in an email and i hope you read it. By doing so i hope that you can tell, if you didn’t know already that meeting you has had a profound effect on me and on my life. i just want to say, Sir, that i couldn’t be more glad that i stumbled across you on that particular chat site. That we played out that scene that night, that we chatted on the phone and that i was brave enough to turn up when we arranged to meet. In 3 short months you have helped me to find a completely different side to myself.

i started writing this blog soon after, as a place to write about myself and the person i hoped to become. i hope you will agree that with your help i am well on that journey. Who would have believed that i would become such a slut, and what is more your slut!

As you know i would give anything to be heading away for the weekend with you, but rest assured i will be thinking about you and about the wonderful things we do together, the amazing way you make me feel and will be looking forward to us being together for at least a whole night later this month.

With all of my love Sir,
Joolz xxx

Learning the emotional and psychological aspects of submission

Over the last couple of evenings i have been chatting to a Dom i met in a chat room about the deeper meanings of the D/s lifestyle. He is younger than i am, but has years of experience and a wealth of knowledge. He and i have been engaging in a deep discussion about the person i am now, what i am not happy about regarding myself now and where i need to get to. He has suggested that i record a journal about all of this, and this blog will be that journal. i am going to be creating a separate page on this blog for the record i will create and we will see how we go. i already have some thoughts on the subject of ‘who i am now’ and ‘the person i will be’ but i haven’t yet put pen to paper or whatever the online version of that it.

i see that we are beings made up of body, and minds. We are not two separate people and one affects the other. Attending to the body without considering the mind will not lead to fulfillment of any kind. The guy i have been chatting too seems keen to attend to my psychological education and well being. He is much too easy to talk to but since we are anonymous to each other there is nothing but good that can emerge as far as i can see it.

i am under no illusions about the relationship Master and i are developing. It is mainly sexual and given that sex has been pretty much absent from my life in any meaningful sense for a long time i am not going to let that worry me. i have to have fun while i am learning. But i am recognising that this isn’t just or even really about sex. i know that i am on a journey and the master i have now won’t suit me later. So dear reader, watch this space (or one near by).