The changing nature of my submission

#Sccwriting

The empowering nature of submission

There are times when I wonder if I am truly submissive. As I go about my daily life, making decisions and just getting on with things. Should I defer on all things? Should I ask for more direction? 

Well, no actually. After almost 5 years in this relationship we have settled into our roles. Yes, things have changed. I don’t feel the need to be in control all of the time in all things. I no longer need to know everything that is going to happen, I trust him to be in control. That includes deferring to him for advice in a way that I had never known possible before. Master has a quiet, but powerful way of getting me to make decisions where I need to or ensuring that he does where it is better for me. I know I am a strong woman, but I need his support in more ways than I even knew. What is more, I am happy and proud to be his submissive.

What does safe mean?

He makes me feel safe. Indeed, my submission gives me a safety net. It means that I trust him to look after me whether in daily life, or when we are playing. I feel safe that he is making the right decisions for me and us. That isn’t to say that I don’t argue, become ‘unruly’ or ‘bratty’. But who doesn’t push against what they know to be good for them? 

Safe also means a safe word. I may be a slave, but we have never abolished my safe word. While I have never used it, I would if I needed to. As it happens, I only have to express that something is wrong when we play and he will stop. I guess that is what makes me feel safe in his hand, I trust him to make sure no harm comes to me.

BDSM in submission and play

Our life when it comes to BDSM and kink play is set into something of a routine. Our sex-life may look vanilla to the uninitiated observer. But only if there were no sound on the video – words and actions are important for us. Just when I think things are a little predictable he makes me pee on him, or he on me. Or he will make me get on my knees, undo his trousers and tell me to suck him off. 

Play is not a regular feature, but we have the equipment at the ready and suddenly it will appear. More recently we have attended clubs where both my submission and our play have been on display. I hope we can find a way to continue to do that, including the CMnf events. 

Limits over time

When we met I thought I was pretty clear about my limits. Over time he has pushed them slowly and carefully. My level of trust is such now, that I am happy to declare I have no limits. In truth of course there are, but he knows what they are. I have faith that he wouldn’t put me in danger, but will stretch my acceptance of his kinks. You can’t make this kind of thing happen, it takes time, patience and communication. And we have worked on all 3. 

My advice to others

Be prepared to look deeply at yourself and to answer questions about your words and actions. Even those in the past. Trust that you and your dominant will need time to settle into your roles, just as you do in regular life. Allow your submission to develop in your dominant’s hands, let them lead and trust your true personality to emerge. It isn’t always easy, you won’t always get it right but a strong relationship will allow you to be the submissive you both want. Finally trust your instincts – if you think you are submissive then you probably are. 

In The Mood

It is a while since I followed one of the sccwriting prompts. They can be found here.

Submission and sex

There is no doubt in my mind, or indeed Master’s that my submission and sexuality go hand in hand. I am at my most submissive when we are having sex. This is, I think, because when we are having sex I am able to let go of everything else in my mind and just be. I can live in the moment, and when I do that my submission comes to the fore. At the same time, Master’s dominance is most pronounced when he is aroused. That is not to say that our M/s relationship is confined to the bedroom, or indeed playroom. Since that is the other place when my submission is in profound evidence. There are undercurrents all of the time, but they are subtle and not overt. 

Tasks when in the mood for sex

Tasks and rules come more easily to me when I am in the mood for sex, that is definitely true. Calling him Master and myself this girl come automatically and I feel I am pretty much under his spell. During sex and play, I could easily comply with any thing asked of me. As a slave, I have no specific limits, I implicitly trust him to keep me safe and I willingly submit to him. 

Interestingly, since we have been living together, I have begun to regain the ability to relax and allow him to take control much more of the time. In the past I always had to retain responsibility for a large proportion of my life. Recently the need for this has receded and it is now only things to do with my family that I retain control. I see that in the future, my submission will grow and develop and become more evident outside of the bedroom.

Not feeling it

There are plenty of times when one or other of us doesn’t feel the M/s side of our lives. Sometimes that happens at the same time. Since our relationship is strong, I don’t see this as a problem. We are not robots, we are living human beings with feelings and needs. Together we can always work through them.

The rediscovery of my submission

Master reminded me on Friday night that we have hardly used my birthday present from last year.  For various reasons I have ridden this beautiful toy only once or twice. It’s purchase dates back to my experiences at the Secret Dungeon a few months before for his birthday. I could never have imagined just how much fun you could have fucking a machine. While the one at the secret dungeon was a sybian, more sophisticated, not to mention automated, this one relies on the user to do the work.

The fucking machine

Back to Friday night. I hadn’t realised quite how turned on I was just discussing the fact that we hadn’t used this fucking machine for several months. But by the time I had put the dildo in place, applied the condom and slid onboard I was pretty aroused. The dildo slid easily in and out of my  wet cunt as I moved backwards and forwards. As Master stood over me, playing with my nipples, sucking me and pinching I knew an orgasm wasn’t far away. 

He stroked my clit and counted down and I came to his demand. Sliding a finger into may arse, he demanded another and more. “Whose slut are you?” 

“This girl is Master’s slut”

The magic words came easily to my mouth. After months of me and I suddenly it was about ‘this girl’ about ‘His pleasing bitch’, ‘slave’. He became Lord and Master, the words falling from easily my tongue During sex I never have problems remembering who I am, of saying what is expected, but somehow this was different. It was as if for months ‘this girl’ had been sitting outside of my body, watching as I went about my crazy life. All at once she crashed into Julie and a submissive was awoken. All of a sudden I was telling Master that more control was needed, that I was proud to be his slave and wanted more of this. More sex, more orgasms, more time on the sex machine. But also rules. More, much more time remembering I am a slave. His slave.

This girl going forward

Today, sober (we had drunk quite a bit of wine) but also not high on the endorphins of recent orgasms I have had time to reflect. After 4 years as Master’s slave it feels as if I am starting from scratch. Learning again what it means to be his property, not just in bed or on a fucking machine, but in everything. 

The machine seems a good leveller. I defy anyone to strip naked, sit on the dildo and begin to rock while their Dominant watches and not feel the need to concentrate. I remember looking up at him as he stood naked in front of me, stroking his cock. I remember him asking me over and over again to repeat who I am, who he is. I remember the feeling of submission sweeping over me and I remember asking for the magic wand. For a different kind of orgasm. 

Life is not all about sex and fucking machines. It isn’t all about Dominance and submission but in this relationship those things are important. Very likely increasingly so. For us, this toy may enable us to get back to being the people we need to be and on a daily basis. Please.

This slave’s tail

It has been a very long time since this slave felt that she had provided service in the way her Master originally expected.

She isn’t so much disobedient or even unruly (no matter what Master would tell you). But it is about circumstance, timing and yes, laziness, on both sides. But this girl can feel the end of that time in her life coming to an end.

This weekend has been about getting ready for this slave’s future. There will be many more weekends like this until our move is complete. Time when we will be clearing out rubbish, putting things in bags and packing up the things that will be going to Master’s house.

Meanwhile, this weekend, there has been sex, raw passionate sex. And there has been submission time for this this girl naked and open for her Master to take. Clothed without underwear allowing him to have access at any time. A reawakening, a realisation of what might have previously been denied and hidden. His for the taking.

Many months ago, Master bought his girl a tail. She had coveted a bushy tail after seeing one at one of the sexy markets, London Alternative or Birmingham Bizarre Bizarre. One day when the slave arrived at his place, he presented to her. This would be a way for her to show her slutty side and to be his bitch. But, for one reason or another though, probably we were busy and there wasn’t time and it didn’t get used.

On Sunday Master firmly fucked his girl in the ass. The second time in recent weeks as our sex life has taken on new life. The plan was to use the tail for Sinful Sunday, but actually that might have been a little painful. And for one reason and another we didn’t post on Sinful Sunday this week.

On Monday though, the slave finally wore the tail. Still a little sore, inserting the butt plus was a bit of a challenge. But the effect was wonderful, and it won’t be long before that tail comes out again. Maybe she may even wear it out at an event. Till then, here is a photo taken by Master yesterday.

Blogging A-Z 2018: H

This is the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.

H is for His

He cals her girl. This girl; His girl
He is her Master, her Lord and she His slave
She is His slut, His cum puppy. He controls her orgasms, they belong to Him; His.

He is her owner and she His property
People may find this difficult to understand but for her this is fact. She is His to love, to hold and to control.

Her body is pierced for His pleasure; nipples and clitoris. Her pleasure is His to have, to hold and to control.
She wears a collar, His collar. This is a sign of her slavery of His ownership, that she is His property.

She is His Bitch, Master’s Pleasing Bitch

 

 

A landmark event for MPB – Public Play

Sunday was our second visit to CMnf. This twice yearly event, held at a kink club is for Male Dominants and female submissives and is one where the man is clothed, the female naked.

This was actually our third visit to the club because we also attended a pre-Christmas event. On both previous visits one or other of us had been in the throws of a cold / virus or just recovering. This time though we were both fully fit and so Sunday marked our first public play event. Master took along some of his favourite toys to use on his slave.

Arrival

As soon as we arrived, I went off to change. Last time, it was pretty cold in the main play / seating area and so I decided to wear stockings and heels. I was otherwise naked. My fellow female subs and slaves ranged from being totally naked to wearing body jewellery, under breast corsets and other lingerie. The men of course were all wearing suits. It took me just moments to lose any inhibitions and as I sat chatting I forgot I and they were naked.

A main topic was the previous weekend’s eroticon as a number of us had been there. It was lovely to catch up with Molly, Michael and Cara and Sub Bee and her partner among others. Except for Cara who was there for the first time, the others are seasoned CMnf attendees. We also chatted to a couple of other couples we have met there before. To be frank, I am beginning to feel I really belong there.

Public Play Time

We hadn’t eaten lunch before arriving at the club on Sunday. Caused by drinking a little too much wine, a late night and losing an hour’s sleep. So we waited until we had eaten a little of the buffet provided. Meantime, we watched others playing, chatted and Master kept me warm with a few strokes of his fingers.

At last it was time for us to play. He wanted to violet wand me first so cuffed and blindfolded me and secured me while seated to a bench. I struggled to relax. It was such a long time since we had indulged in impact play and it was going on all around me. I wanted to enjoy the violet wand and to take the orgasms granted me, but needed impact more.

So we moved to a bench that I could lie on. As the flogging began, I began to relax and enjoy my submission in a way I haven’t in such a long time. As usual I have little idea of the toys he used. Some were more pleasant than others but all were received with pleasure and relief. Well, maybe not pleasure exactly but certainly they were welcome. I noticed the sound of other floggers and impact objects hitting my fellow subs. Sometimes everything appeared to hit home in unison. I found the sounds comforting.

Afterwards I felt floaty in a way I haven’t in a long time. I actually refused an orgasm during play, but had been given several earlier that morning.

Thoughts

For a long time I have been anxious that public play would make me self aware in a way I didn’t like. Even knowing I am an exhibitionist who has previously enjoyed public humiliation. My fears were not recognised and I absolutely loved the experience. It helped to have been able to get to know the environment, the people and to watch others. But now it has happened to me, I want this much more. I really hope that Master decides to take me to other places where we can play in public but that we return to CMnf next time.
Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

When humiliating and degrading terms just turn you on

The word ‘cunt’ is quite taboo within society. It is indeed one of the few words that will cause a TV company in the UK to use their ‘bleeper’ even after the watershed. Cunt was a word that really didn’t feature in my vocabulary until the last couple of years. If anyone had told me a couple of years ago that I would easily and willingly be referring to myself as Master’s cunt, or this cunt then I would have laughed in their face.

I have been through a massive learning process about myself, one I am only beginning to recognise. Firstly it was about learning to refer to myself in the third person as this girl. To begin with the fact that Master referred to me at all times in that way was difficult to get used to. Using that terminology when referring to myself was even more troublesome, it isn’t hard to think and write ‘this girl’ but saying it out loud in normal conversation is more challenging. But over the months I have gradually found that it can become the norm when the other person in your relationship always uses those terms. But using words that you once considered derogatory to describe yourself take some getting used to.

To begin with, once in a sex and orgasm induced place it felt ok to call myself a slut, or a bitch, or even a cunt. But generally it required Master to lead the conversation, to have me repeat who I was to him. Just recently that seems to have changed.

I feel that I am beginning to embrace my place in our relationship. I am his slave, his property. What is more, I am that slut – my behaviour with him is slutty and what is more I love being that slut. But I am not just his slut, actually I recognise that my body is his and I am his bitch. Just this morning during sex, my animal instinct took over and it was clear to us both that in that moment I was his bitch – not only did I perform in that way, but I told him without prompting that I was his bitch.

Over the last few weeks it seems too that I have begun to embrace the cunt in me. I am always ready for him, to be touched but also to be fucked. The holes that live within me but belong to me are his. I am his cunt, whether it be the mouth cunt, cunt cunt or arse cunt. That is who I am and I am proud of that fact.

This journey has been thrilling and exciting, but at times difficult. I doubt that I will ever stop learning how to be Master’s slave, but I am clear that the place I am now is as His cunt. What is more, terms that used to feel humiliating are now the norm. They are not just words they are the reality of this cunt, this slave. What is more, they turn her on.

This feels like a vicious cycle of some kind!

Hair

Before I started on this journey to submission, I had never modified my body or hair to please another person. Indeed, I was actually quite resistant to requests from hubby to do so. At times, I did shave my pussy for his pleasure, but those times were rare. As for the hair on my head, well I chose the style and he either liked it or didn’t.

Things are different now. It isn’t just that i have agreed to be slave to Master that makes me want to make the changes he desires (well I don’t think it is), rather it is also because I love him and because I trust his judgement on these things.

There are two areas of hair that he is particularly interested in – the hair on my head and that which now covers my genital areas. He prefers the hair on my head cut short, something that I have now complied with, though it has been a gradual process from mid length to short. Last time I asked my hair stylist to cut around my ears and I am very pleased with the result. Many people, including Master have commented and say it really suits me. Now though he would like that area above my ears shaved so that it is just that bit shorter, but I am nervous about it. Partly that is about me needing to ask the stylist to cut it in that way, but also because I wonder if the reaction of others (with the exception of Master) will be less positive. He feels that it will show my kinkiness to others, though of course that might only apply to those who know such a thing. I have worn a collar 24 hours a day since July and very few people have commented on that, or indeed seem to know what it is. The same hair stylist has told me that she loves my necklace, but I think it is just that she likes jewellery of that type.

Conversely having been completely bare in the pussy area for S, Master instructed that I should grow my hair early on in our relationship. The hair in that area is slow growing, but now it is fully regrown. Unlike the hair on my head, it is still brown and what is more it is very soft and smooth. Softer and smoother than Master has felt on anyone else (so he told me last night). I have got used to it being there again and am happy to have it grown in that way. However I have now requested permission to shape it a little (I am quite hairy and it seems to want to grow in my groins and upper legs) and that has been granted.

From reading other blogs and also speaking to other slaves and submissives it is clear that Dominant men are not all the same in the way in which they prefer the hair on their submissive to be. Many men seem to like long hair on the head, but a shaved pussy. Mine is just the opposite, which in a way is reflected in him as a person. No one could ever accuse him of conforming to anyone else’s ideas of a social norm. He is his own person and I am pleased to be part of that. It doesn’t mean however that making those, apparently small, changes are always easy. In the end though I generally do as I am told. That of course is the slave in me.

Reclaiming His girl

This girl didn’t really know what to expect, after all He had just spent the night on a plane, flying across America and the Atlantic. This girl remembers the last time she did that, and how she felt. Mind you she did deal with a dying cat that day, while hubby lay in bed. But that is another story.

They had no sooner arrived at Master’s house than He had her on her knees sucking His cock. Reminding her Who owned her and how much she loved to worship.

Then He set about reclaiming the rest of the body that this girl already knew He owned, but which He wished to repossess. For His own.

Within the first hour (maybe less), this girl had also been granted 5 orgasms.

For a while He appeared to be asleep, this girl lay spooned against Him and drifted off too. Suddenly though He was awake and very soon after she was able to take Him in her mouth and to taste His seed. How she relished that after nearly 4 weeks.

Then He really did sleep. For a while this girl, who hasn’t been sleeping well did too. Then she lay watching him, and later read her book. Being close to Him was all that mattered. During that time this girl found herself relaxing into her submission and thinking about her desire to be His slave.

Eventually though He was awake and Master and this girl spent a good couple of hours just being together. We talked about this girl’s submission and how it had developed beyond what either of us had imagined. But for much of the time, this girl just experienced that whole thing in reality. His touch, His words, the look in His eyes.

His words – “who owns you?”  – “You Master”. “Who are you?”  – “this girl”.

This girl is slave to Her Master, but the finer details of what that means are still to be discussed.

This girl just knows that this is right. For her, for Him. Right now.

This girl feels she has been reclaimed. She feels thoroughly owned.

Today

This girl will feel her Master’s hands on her again.

Feel His embrace.
Feel His lips on hers.
Taste Him.
Look into His eyes.
Hear Him call her girl.
His good girl.
This girl will get to call Him Master, to His face, in the Flesh.
Today.