F is for…….

Figged and Fetlife

At the weekend we were discussing the day, last June when Master figged His girl. I had seen the ginger in the fridge, but why would you think anything of such a thing since from time to time I buy it for cooking purposes. During the whole scene though, I had no idea what he was using, and indeed no idea that people used ginger in this way. I don’t know if there are meant to be rules with this meme, but this is my blog and I will do as I wish. So, here is the post as posted last June (I know this is really lazy):

Sometimes without knowing it,  or indeed knowing what it is you might have on a bucket list of kink, you can tick items off. Also, a you might find a photo on tumblr (in this case reblogged by Master) and suggest you would like to do that, and next thing you really are.

So this morning Master played with His girl. This was the position she found herself in:

This girl hastens to say, that this isn’t her, but is the photo mentioned above which we both reblogged. This girl was blindfolded and she wore a leather collar, but in her case it was part of a harness that also framed her tits.

This girl had waited for what seems like ages for a play session. This morning when it started though, she didn’t really feel in the mood. The position she was in was uncomfortable and then he put something into her anus. Something which felt a bit like a plug, but then again not. Whatever it was, she was sure he hadn’t put it in properly and she said so. He laughed and said it was definitely in! She wondered about telling Him to forget the whole thing, but deep down knew that 1) she needed this and 2) He would likely ignore her since she is His slave and anyway was far past the point of any choice in the matter.

He put on some music, something pretty erotic – who knew that Madonna had produced such stuff (certainly not this girl who stopped bothering with her during her adopting African children phase). Then out came the hitachi and everything changed. Damn that man for giving this girl such an amazing orgasm and then leaving the thing in place. Gradually the anxiety about not wanting to be there subsided, and the burning in her bottom started to grow. What the hell is that, this girl thought to herself. She wasn’t able to think much about it though since He started to use the violet wand with its various attachments. Some of those are very pleasant, and some are downright painful. But painful in a nice way (damn Him). There was also flogging of the inner thighs and the cunt. Plus there was the horrible snake thing which girl doesn’t like and we now realise she might be a bit allergic to. But anyway, senses were in overdrive, and Madonna was belting out “Deeper” just as Master decided to do just that.

This girl felt the warmth of His body between her spread legs and felt Him plunge deep inside her. Suddenly too she remembered exactly what she needed and today, what she needed, she got.

It transpires that the ginger this girl found in Master’s fridge yesterday was not there for cooking specifically, but to be inserted into her arse. This girl has been figged and tied to the Erotica Album by Madonna.

Deeper, Madonna

Fetlife, the Facebook of the kinky world. Increasingly I wonder why I bother to go there. Well actually no, I do know. It is a great place for local finding events and linking to people who go to them. But increasingly it is so full of drama and unpleasantness such as you only find on Facebook and Twitter on a really bad day. 
On Fetlife you can find the slaviest slaves and the domliest Doms. People who spend their entire lives naked wearing a collar and leash but who spend all day on the internet. Of course though as with all social media you can meet some wonderful people, get great advice and have amazing discussion with like minded people. The problem is finding your way through the professional 21 year old Dom(mme)s and the drama. Still, never a dull moment!

D is for……

Dominant and Diogenes

Today I am speaking of one and the same person, since Master is my Dominant and also his online persona is usually Diogenes.

It is now just over two years since Master assumed the role of Dominant in my life. Back then I was only just learning about my submission, even though I had known for quite some time that I was submissive. In those early days, his Dominance was about about play, since that was what the relationship was meant to be about, also though it was about my behaviour. I had the tendency to try to take control in situations where it really wasn’t necessary. This was born from years of being married to someone who pretty much refused to take the lead on anything. He appeared often to not even know what he wanted to do, or to eat or anything. That isn’t to say that we were always miserable, far from it. But I had learnt to be dominant in a way that felt unpleasant to me and which often made me come across as aggressive.

Chatting last night about the ways in which I am different now from then, Master commented that I have changed immeasurably. He said that I was extremely uptight, but at the same time amenable to his touch. I wanted and needed to feel his hands on me, even if those touches were about me having my tits or arse felt in public. I still love that to happen, but he is right. There is no longer a gap a mile long between me as the submissive in me as the woman going about her life in our out of his presence. I am his submissive all of the time.

I have no need to take control of situations, though I can and I do if I need to. I don’t need to talk over people, though I still get accused of talking over him from time to time. But I know that he is in control always, I know I need to make him proud of me, whether he is present or not. I know my purpose is to serve and to please, I know that I need to be available if he wants and needs, but I can cover myself up if the weather is cold, or it is hot and I might get sore.

Our life has plenty of sex, most of it kinky. Always Master is in control. We play together, though not as often as both of us would maybe like. During those times he is in control. But more importantly he is always my Dominant. I am his slave. He is my Master my Dominant.

Diogenes of Sinope was a philosopher  and founder of the school of cynicism, born in Turkey but exiled to Greece. There is much about Diogenes that seems to resonate with Master, which  I guess is the reason he adopted this name as his handle in so many places. Not to say that he ever lived in a clay wine jar, was captured by pirates or preached virtuous self control. However he does fancy himself as a bit of a philosopher and is extremely cynical about most things. I recognise many elements of Diogenes in Master from this wikipedia page and other places on the internet. A complex, but interesting character sums him up nicely!

On display

The last of the photos that Master took of me last Sunday Morning shows me on display for Him. 
For a long time we didn’t really explore as many positions for sex as maybe we should, perhaps we got into something of a routine. Lately though Master has been enjoying his girl from behind much more. This photo shows me ready to take him, and of course you have already seen the end result.
I just love those large hotel beds with their pristine white linen. All the better for the fact that I have no responsibility to do the laundry afterwards!

Reflections on the past – My submission today

Master has frequently looked back on my blog and reminded me of things that I have written. He is quite a reflective person, and while I am too, he often sees things that I maybe don’t. 
This week we have been discussing my submission. This is the first time since May 2014 that we have been apart for this length of time. While it has been difficult to manage the lack of physical contact we have texted and have spoken every evening on Skype. What it has done though is give us the space to think about our relationship on a deeper, Master / slave level. 
For many months we have in the main lived relatively vanilla lives, going about our business, enjoying our social life and holidays. Sex is always pretty kinky and there is always an undercurrent of M/s. The S/m side has taken something of a back seat in the main, mainly because of his shoulder problem which I am glad to say is now resolved. We are both keen to reenergise that part of our relationship along with redefining the Master / slave dynamic. 
The other evening when we were chatting, he pointed out that I was touching my collar a lot.  Thinking about it, that is something I do a lot. I love to feel the metal around my neck as well as the cuff on my wrist. I have rarely removed either since he gave them to me. 
he reminded me last night of something I said when we first met. I struggled to find it, and of course He went to it and pointed it out. It comes from 4th February 2014 as I analysed our first play date. Below is the full post:


I don’t know how things will pan out with this new Dom or if we will play more than a few times. i don’t know if the special person will be him or another. What i do know is that i seem to have restarted the journey that stalled months ago. 
Over the last few months with S, we had some fantastic times. The kinky sex we had (much of it described here) was fantastic. The submission was in the moment and was really good. But i wasn’t truly submitting to anyone. At the time that was fine, right for where i was and where he was.
Now though i feel differently. i kind of feel liberated by the fact he has another and i have made the decision that whatever happens there is no going back to that or to him.
i am thinking about submission a lot. i am considering even what it might be like to give up more control, even perhaps to enter a Master / slave relationship. That’s not to say i ever would, but i am giving it some thought and in a considered and serious way.
The playdate on Sunday put me in a good place, and rather than drop, i have kind of stayed there. Not on the high that all of those orgasms gave me. But in a place where my submission has come to the forefront and is just there, kind of so i can touch it.
The playdate on Sunday put me in a good place, and rather than drop, i have kind of stayed there. Not on the high that all of those orgasms gave me. But in a place where my submission has come to the forefront and is just there, kind of so i can touch it.


The part he keeps returning to is as the end of my post, where I talk about the fact that my submission  is such that I  feel that I can touch it. Somehow, needing the physical reassurance of my submission by touching my collar and the way in which we remind each other of our place in this relationship are both ways in which I feel my submission. For him it is about feeling the power of his dominance and seeing my  submission. It offers us confirmation that however we live our lives and whatever gets int he way of being able to play and have kinky fun, we are and always were Master and slave. That I was his submissive from the start.


So, while this isn’t really a difficult problem in the big scheme of things the world faces it is something that we feel is important. As such, I offer this post as Day 20 of 365 days – What is the hardest thing you are dealing with?


That shows just how good life is right now I think!

When humiliating and degrading terms just turn you on

The word ‘cunt’ is quite taboo within society. It is indeed one of the few words that will cause a TV company in the UK to use their ‘bleeper’ even after the watershed. Cunt was a word that really didn’t feature in my vocabulary until the last couple of years. If anyone had told me a couple of years ago that I would easily and willingly be referring to myself as Master’s cunt, or this cunt then I would have laughed in their face.

I have been through a massive learning process about myself, one I am only beginning to recognise. Firstly it was about learning to refer to myself in the third person as this girl. To begin with the fact that Master referred to me at all times in that way was difficult to get used to. Using that terminology when referring to myself was even more troublesome, it isn’t hard to think and write ‘this girl’ but saying it out loud in normal conversation is more challenging. But over the months I have gradually found that it can become the norm when the other person in your relationship always uses those terms. But using words that you once considered derogatory to describe yourself take some getting used to.

To begin with, once in a sex and orgasm induced place it felt ok to call myself a slut, or a bitch, or even a cunt. But generally it required Master to lead the conversation, to have me repeat who I was to him. Just recently that seems to have changed.

I feel that I am beginning to embrace my place in our relationship. I am his slave, his property. What is more, I am that slut – my behaviour with him is slutty and what is more I love being that slut. But I am not just his slut, actually I recognise that my body is his and I am his bitch. Just this morning during sex, my animal instinct took over and it was clear to us both that in that moment I was his bitch – not only did I perform in that way, but I told him without prompting that I was his bitch.

Over the last few weeks it seems too that I have begun to embrace the cunt in me. I am always ready for him, to be touched but also to be fucked. The holes that live within me but belong to me are his. I am his cunt, whether it be the mouth cunt, cunt cunt or arse cunt. That is who I am and I am proud of that fact.

This journey has been thrilling and exciting, but at times difficult. I doubt that I will ever stop learning how to be Master’s slave, but I am clear that the place I am now is as His cunt. What is more, terms that used to feel humiliating are now the norm. They are not just words they are the reality of this cunt, this slave. What is more, they turn her on.

This feels like a vicious cycle of some kind!

Hair

Before I started on this journey to submission, I had never modified my body or hair to please another person. Indeed, I was actually quite resistant to requests from hubby to do so. At times, I did shave my pussy for his pleasure, but those times were rare. As for the hair on my head, well I chose the style and he either liked it or didn’t.

Things are different now. It isn’t just that i have agreed to be slave to Master that makes me want to make the changes he desires (well I don’t think it is), rather it is also because I love him and because I trust his judgement on these things.

There are two areas of hair that he is particularly interested in – the hair on my head and that which now covers my genital areas. He prefers the hair on my head cut short, something that I have now complied with, though it has been a gradual process from mid length to short. Last time I asked my hair stylist to cut around my ears and I am very pleased with the result. Many people, including Master have commented and say it really suits me. Now though he would like that area above my ears shaved so that it is just that bit shorter, but I am nervous about it. Partly that is about me needing to ask the stylist to cut it in that way, but also because I wonder if the reaction of others (with the exception of Master) will be less positive. He feels that it will show my kinkiness to others, though of course that might only apply to those who know such a thing. I have worn a collar 24 hours a day since July and very few people have commented on that, or indeed seem to know what it is. The same hair stylist has told me that she loves my necklace, but I think it is just that she likes jewellery of that type.

Conversely having been completely bare in the pussy area for S, Master instructed that I should grow my hair early on in our relationship. The hair in that area is slow growing, but now it is fully regrown. Unlike the hair on my head, it is still brown and what is more it is very soft and smooth. Softer and smoother than Master has felt on anyone else (so he told me last night). I have got used to it being there again and am happy to have it grown in that way. However I have now requested permission to shape it a little (I am quite hairy and it seems to want to grow in my groins and upper legs) and that has been granted.

From reading other blogs and also speaking to other slaves and submissives it is clear that Dominant men are not all the same in the way in which they prefer the hair on their submissive to be. Many men seem to like long hair on the head, but a shaved pussy. Mine is just the opposite, which in a way is reflected in him as a person. No one could ever accuse him of conforming to anyone else’s ideas of a social norm. He is his own person and I am pleased to be part of that. It doesn’t mean however that making those, apparently small, changes are always easy. In the end though I generally do as I am told. That of course is the slave in me.

SCC Writing prompt #164

The thing that always pulls me back into the submissive mindset is when Master refers to me as girl, rather than saying for example ‘you’ or using my given name (though to be honest he doesn’t often do that). I am always girl, or this girl, in bed and during a scene; it is my slave name. There are plenty of other names I am called – slut, bitch, cunt; but always girl. If Master reminds me that I should be referring to myself as ‘this girl’, well then that is enough to stop me dead in my tracks and to comply with his wishes. I have to admit I find it interesting that this is the case since I know well I am a woman, a middle aged woman, but to him I am girl; this girl. Of course if he should refer to me as ‘good girl’, well then I am in my element. A swooning submissive slave girl.

The collar is my real world trigger. It is made of titanium and so is not as heavy as a collar made of steel. There are times, whole hours worth of time, when I forget I have it on. I might catch sight of myself in the mirror and there it is plain as day. A sign of slavery, ownership; submission. Sometimes I wonder why the collar of my dress / shirt feels so heavy, and realise it is the collar. Then there are the times I wake with the collar in an odd position and think about the fact I am his slave. After 4 months or so of wearing the collar I can truly say that it continues to add to my feelings of submission. I love wearing it and love the fact that he and I know what it means and also that there are people out there who also know. I also like the fact that 99% of the people who encounter me during my daily life have no idea, most don’t even notice more than some chunky jewellery.

My go to remedy every time would be the butt plug. There is something about the cool metal slipping into the space where you feel nothing should probably be placed. The pressure that you need to apply to get it to ease past the tightness of the anal sphincter and the feeling as it pops into place. Then the feeling of fullness and the effect it seems to have on my general wellbeing. The way it relaxes me and helps me think about who and what I am. Plus, yes, the way it reminds me of what else finds its way into that very space. Master knows the effect the plug has on me, and will instruct me to insert it when he feels I am getting just that little bit bratty, anxious or both.

Embracing the good feelings

The other evening Master and I were at the Munch that we have started to attend regularly. While there, I got into conversation with someone who says she has no understanding or concept of subspace.

Now the first thing to say is that we struggle to work out the dynamic of many of the couples who attend that particular group, let alone being clear about how the single people see themselves. I suspect many of the people are generally kinky rather than being into any particular dynamic. But a few are in definite D/s relationships.

The lady in question and myself were part of a small group chatting about lots of kink and non kink things. Master was elsewhere, chatting about man type things (machinery, fixing things, technology related stuff). Apparently she is a science teacher and as such finds the idea of something that involves needing to let go of the scientific, sensible side of her brain a step to far. I found myself trying to describe the feelings I experience as that euphoria invades my own cluttered mind and I allow all thoughts to leave it.

I too have something of a scientific background, though not to the extent she described. But maybe the difference is not your knowledge of the physiological processes that matter but your willingness and of course ability to let go of the realities of life. Of course there is the fact that I identify as submissive and we didn’t quite get on to that bit. Especially as I mentioned before that I suspect many people are not involved in this kind of dynamic.

This morning, Master spent time squeezing the nipples that belong to Him. The nipples of His property. Squeezing, sucking stroking.  Sometimes I wonder if it is such a good thing that just these actions can make me orgasm and send me well on my way to subspace.

The 30 days of Kink – Day 2, List your kinks

Yesterday morning, while Master and his girl shared a while in a single bunk in a cabin on a ferry to Spain we discussed this very issue. At the time I was pinned at the back against the wall and He didn’t have much more room, plus the movement of the ship gave a feeling he was about to be propelled off of the bed. Still it was a pleasant and relaxing journey and during yesterday, increasingly warm and sunny until we arrived at our destination. But I digress, so back to the topic in hand.

The first He came up with was anal sex, since that is something I have only experienced since I entered this kinky world. What is it about it that is such a turn on? Perhaps it is about doing something naughty and forbidden? Maybe it is about the fact that in order to enjoy, you need to have such trust in that other person. For me also it is about the fact that it won’t be for every man, nor every women, but it is very right for us. Plus, even though you aren’t meant to have nerve endings in the rectum it is very very stimulating. It is a turn on and makes giving Him an orgasm easy. Something He loves too. For Him it is also part of the power that He has over me.
Next would probably be getting to show that exhibitionist side He loves so much. Being out and about with no underwear, so that the slightest gust of wind could lift a skirt and show that bare bottom. He loves the fact that people are likely to look at me, especially if it is clear I am wearing no bra. He loves the idea that others might look and wonder about why I am dressed as I am.
In the bedroom of course there are things like the electrical play, the bondage as I have already said and there is the pain of a good flogging.
Mostly though it is about the control. Of orgasms, of my body and the way He gets me to do what He wants when He wants in a way no other man ever has. I am turned on by the fact that I have modified my behaviour for Him in a way I would never have believed. Not only that, I have also changed things about my appearance – my hair and the piercings are examples of that. 
No doubt there are more, but these are a few of the kinks we discussed yesterday, perched on a small berth on a ship crossing the ocean.

30 Days of Kink: Day 1

Since I haven’t yet done the 30 days of kink, which seems to be a bit different from 30 days of submission, and indeed 30 days of me, I thought I would give it a go. Unlike others, I don’t have a draft folder filled with finished and unfinished posts which I can use during times such as this – when I am away, busy or just short of ideas. So here goes.

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What Parts of BDSM Interest You? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self.

Submissive, with no desire to be Dominant or switch. The main part of BDSM to me is the idea that I can give up control, that I can be owned by another and that I can serve that other in the way that He wants. I say wants, but actually it is the fact that Master gets so much from my submission that provides much of the power. He finds the fact He has so much control over me empowering, invigorating and a complete turn on. That in turn feeds my submission in a way that I couldn’t even have envisaged a year ago. I see now that this is a journey for me and for us and that the submission is developing and growing just as His Dominance is. If you had suggested to me before I met Master that I was a slave, that I would embrace being His slave so readily I probably would have fallen about laughing. The realisation that this isn’t a game, isn’t just for the bedroom etc has been a profound one.

After the D/s part then probably a key thing would be bondage and the discipline that goes with that. There is something completely liberating about being restrained, even though I often find some of that restraint painful and uncomfortable, it helps in reinforcing the submissive side of me. That part that I fight against and then find so fulfilling as it engulfs me. After that it is the pain. I am not a massive pain slut……..well it depends on the pain and the situation. So yes to pain with submission and bondage. Its all a kind of ever decreasing circular thing for me – submission – restraint and discipline – pain – submission and so on.