SCC Prompt #179 – Pornography

The idea of having sex in front of a camera doesn’t worry me at all. Our sex is usually pretty kinky and is heavily overlaid with our M/s dynamic. During sex I tend to feel myself slipping into a lovely slave place and during that time our conversation is all about his power and my submission. In many ways, I think it would be good and pretty erotic to be able to look back at that and see myself and him outside of that moment. What I would be less keen about would be having a film of us having sex made available for just anyone to watch. I think I would rather keep it private, for just us.

I have only once been in a room when others had sex and when I was having sex with them and with my own partner. It was something of a unique experience that I wouldn’t necessarily say no to repeating, but that I wouldn’t rush into either. Having said that, yes it was an erotic experience and something of a major turn on. I think watching other have sex would be fun in the right setting and being watched would be something that I wouldn’t say no to either.

I don’t think it will ever happen that I will feel threatened by Master watching porn. It is funny that I didn’t always feel quite like this. I took the view that porn was something quite dirty, and couldn’t understand why hubby would want to do such a thing. Partly this is because I don’t really like the way most porn is contrived to look like something it clearly isn’t. I don’t like the posing, but it serves a clear purpose. Over the years though I have found that photos and film of pornography can be interesting and erotic. Perhaps I have lost some of the inhibitions I clearly had in the past, I have matured and discovered more about myself and my needs. There are a number of elements of sex that I didn’t enjoy with hubby, that I now do so acknowledging that pornography is one of them is no big deal.

When Master is looking at pornography when I am sitting or lying next to him, I often watch too. We both find this erotic and quite often it leads us onto touching, stroking and kissing each other and then more.

My preference is to see other submissive women who don’t look like they are being paid to do so, but rather look like this is part of their real life. I also like to see the Dominant / submissive dynamic played out whether during sex or other elements of BDSM. There is a whole world out there, often through Tumblr and when I see something I don’t like I just move on. If he is looking at something I don’t like, then I leave him to it. If I am allowed.

New phase – moving on

Life around here could have been rather dull if i had let it. After all, hubby is away more than he has been home, son has been visiting friends in California (though he got home earlier in the week). Faced with the prospect of just the computer or tv for company during these dark and wet evenings i chose my laptop.

i joined alt.com quite a while ago, but generally didn’t use it. Firstly i wasn’t looking for anyone and secondly i wasn’t really chatting online – i had S to keep me amused quite a bit of the time. Last weekend though i bit the bullet and reacquainted myself with the site and began chatting in one of the rooms. I have to say that i have been having the most fun; chatting, flirting, scening and just laughing (sometimes until my sides split).  I know these places have something of a reputation, but i have to speak as i found and i have found myself a fun time.

One of the first people i chatted with, lives pretty near to me. He and i seem to have hit it off and have  spent lots of time over the last week getting to know each other online (in the chat and on yahoo). Today i plan to meet him for a drink.

I don’t know if we will like each other in real life, or if (as has happened in the past) we like each other but don’t fancy each other. But the chance of being allowed to explore my submission again fills me with excitement.

Now i am struggling to decide what to wear – should i dress in my usual Saturday stuff – jeans, sweater and boots, or shall i go for a red dress, stockings and a smallish heeled boot? I am erring towards the latter not just because of what we are meeting to talk about but because it is not every week i meet a man for a drink (even if this will be in the middle of the afternoon).

Now, i have the morning to wash my hair and get ready and later, i will report back to my blog on how it went. Here’s hoping that there is something worthwhile to tell!

The challenges of the online world

I have been blogging since 2006 and still have another place that i write my thoughts (mainly to do with work related stuff), though i have been bad at updating it lately. In the past that blog has received quite a few visitors and through them i have visited lots of other blogs and read lots of very interesting and informative posts. when i first started exploring the D/s lifestyle one of the first thing i did was to look at and read blogs. Lots and lots of them. I find other people’s lives, even when they think they are doing quite dull things, to be really interesting. Maybe i am nosey, or maybe i like the fact you can make ‘friends’ with people online. Indeed some of my Facebook friends are from my online blog community. i don’t get many visitors here yet, but that is fine. i am writing most of this stuff for myself so i can go back and look later to see how my journey is progressing, my thoughts and feelings etc.

In all my time blogging i have never had one of my posts completely stolen. So i was really shocked yesterday to come across this post on Submissive Sanctury. Lil does write beautifully, so i guess if you were going to plagiarise, her’s would be the kind of work to take. But when you proport to be writing about yourself and your life why steal the lives of others? Do some people just not have their own original thoughts. Lets face it, it is easy to take the work of others from the internet, but why not ask someone if you can reproduce something, or as i have done, link to it?

The other type of place i go to online is to some of the various ‘lifestyle’ forums. After exploring 2 or 3 i have decided i quite like Fetlife. I have found though that peope can be just as judgemental there as in any other place (real or online). It is interesting to me that people who may find themselves judged by others for their beliefs and for the way they conduct their lives can themselves lay judgement on others. Sex outside of marriage without the consent of ones spouse is a particular area that gets people going; this makes it wise, for a person like me, to choose carefully how i contribute if i don’t want to be shot down in flames (which i don’t). The good thing is that i have found a new online friend who is in a similar position to me, though further forward, and i have joined a couple of groups on fetlife that are more sympathetic to people such as me.

The online world is not substitute for real life, but it sure can be an interesting place if you know where to look!

Learning about the D/s world

i am somone who likes to know about the things i do. i research holidays and places i visit. i buy guide books, some of which i never look at once i arrive! i have a thirst for knowledge, and lets face it the internet is great for people like me who seek to know things. i have been looking periodically at information relating to BDSM and this lifestyle for some time, but over recent weeks i have read little else. Am i a little obsessive right now? Yes pretty much.


There are some interesting websites with forums and information and of course chat rooms and personal ads. i particularly like BDSM Library for information and forums and Bondage.com for the chat facility. But there are so many other resources out there. There are some amazing blogs and information sites. i will start adding to my blogroll soon, but at the moment i am tending to read blog posts in a slightly random way, this is about my thurst for knowledge and about my desire to work out what kind of lifestyle i am looking for and a bit about what my limits might be.


One of the first people i chatted with in a chat room on BDSM library suggested he wanted me to wear a nappy (diaper) so he could train me. Well this is a no no for me. i am not, for anyone wearing a nappy and that it it. But there are lots of things which involve bondage, gagging, sex in public, humiliation, punishment etc which on face value appear more extreme but to me are worth thinking about before saying no. 


i have been reading a number of BDSM novels. i am really grateful for the kindle because it means i can sit in my living room or on the train and read what i want. Though recently on the train, tightly squeezed against the next person i reverted to a Rosie Thomas novel instead. Some of the literature available is a little far fetched, though pretty erotic, and these books are often quite short (so be careful not to spend too much on them). But many are extremely good books with excellent plot lines and an underlying message. The Dom of my Dreams by MF Sinclair is one of my favorites. It is about a publishing editor who thinks she is carefree and single, but who is frightened of committment. She tends to pick up men, sleep with them and discard them. The story is about an author giving her a taste of her medicine, while playing to her D/s fantasies. There are more books and when i get round to the blogroll i will create a book list too.


Finally i have been reading two more informational books by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, these are the New Bottoming Book and The Ethical Slut. When i have finished reading these i will say more, suffice to say though i am learning loads. 


Lord knows when doing all of this i am managing to fit in normal life, but of course i am. And will continue to do so.