Time

A sandtimer
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Time was in short supply and I spread myself so thinly sometimes I struggled to find time for me. It’s a common thing to believe we have to do everything, all of the time. It’s ingrained. We need to work to live and then look for a way to find the time to enjoy life.

For many the pandemic and suddenly being given back time was a shock. Of course we all struggled with the fact that not only did we have time but that there was literally nothing to do. I feel grateful then that I’d already retired from work in 2018 and so had learned to do nothing some of the time.

It would be true to say that in the summer of 2018, I’d exhausted myself. All the work on the marital home, moving and then leaving work took their toll. Breast cancer was a wake up call. But as I’ve said a few time since, at least I had the time for it! Sadly it is a reality that we put ourselves and health to the back of the queue too often.

Time to heal

Post mastectomy I had real time for the first time. There were no expectations for me to go anywhere or see anyone. Master and I got back to some of our interests quickly, especially attending musical events. But I took time out from everything else in order to heal. This post from Oct 2018 is particularly poignant.

“I want him to touch the area around my scar now it is healed. I know Master found it daunting, he was frightened he would hurt me. What’s more it took longer to heal than we expected. Fluid found its way out from the suture line and a dressing was required, right up until yesterday. He strokes me gently, running his fingers across and it feels pleasant”.

“Over the past weekend we stepped up exercise levels in general. The weather was glorious; beautiful crisp sunny if cold days and no rain. We walked miles around London and only took public transport a few times. Walking is great for me and something I need to do daily, a challenge in winter but something that can be done”.

“Our other source of exercise has been sex and lots of it. That he feels horny most mornings and wants to have sex with me is making me feel good about myself. My mood is pretty good and I feel positive. He tells me how much he wants and needs me and has me tell him how much I want and need him. That affirmation is an important element of our M/s  relationship and also part of this healing process for us both”.

Time for travel and enjoyment

Once I’d finished my radiotherapy treatment in January 2019 and had the all clear we spent much of the rest of the year enjoying ourselves. We traveled in England and in Europe and had a great time. In April we detoured before returning From a musical weekend, staying here. Unfortunately Stoxx is no longer available, more’s the pity. The Kinky Suite Amsterdam is though and we went there in May while on a bit of a tour of The Netherlands. This post is one of my most popular. Sadly we only stayed one night and didn’t have nearly enough time for play while there.

“The Kinky Suite is on 3 levels, though you have to go upstairs to the first level. The kitchen is well laid out and is well appointed. Coffee and tea is provided and there is a huge fridge and a microwave and coffee machine. The supermarket is just around the corner for supplies. Next to the kitchen is the living area which has ample seating and TV with loads of music and films. Plus a corner area, where a slave could kneel for punishment.

On the second level is the bedroom and bathroom. The bed is a huge 4 poster with a cage underneath, plus benches to lean over, areas to be restrained in. Essentially the sky is almost the limit. Floggers and other impact toys are provided but if you need anything else, you’ll need to bring it with you.

The bathroom contains a huge jacuzzi bath as well as shower. The toilet is separate. 

Upstairs again is a tiny room. This is described as the mirror room, essentially it contains a sex swing over a large bed and mirrors“.

Time for Time’s sake

I guess back in 2019 we imagined that travel was a right (if you could afford it). Later that summer we travelled to France and then back through Spain. We enjoyed places and views like the one in the image on this post. Before the end of the year we travelled back too Amsterdam to visit a friend going through a tough time. When we left, I told her we’d be back in the spring.

In March 2020, as was the case for most people, everywhere we suddenly had more time than we’d ever envisaged.

‘We spent much of the winter at home. Even our regular trips to the theatre and for music concerts had been minimal. It wasn’t that we couldn’t go out it’s just there weren’t many things we wanted to go to. As spring approached we had lots of things lined up. As mentioned before we were in London for Eroticon even though that was cancelled. We had a marvellous time, partly because we sensed this was something of a last hoorah. We were due to fly to Budapest for Master’s birthday then to France for Easter”.

“To begin with we just went with the flow. After all what could we do. We tended to make our shopping trips a bit more comprehensive so we didn’t need to go back too frequently. But we do like different things from different shops. We soon discovered that small and local businesses are useful for making sure we are stocked up. Most supermarkets now restrict the number of people going in so prefer individuals rather than two adults. So this has changed our behaviour too”.

A new reality

It’s interesting to read back to a post written then. Because thankfully I didn’t know that we still wouldn’t have been on a plane. That the postponed trip to Budapest is now cancelled. Even 2 years on we struggle to work out what normality is. Now we think twice before going anywhere – how crowded will it be? Do we really want to go? What are the risks?

We can travel and have done, but do so by car and ferry. We take longer to get there and stay in different types of accommodation. But then we have the time.

In all of this I am grateful that time is something we are not short of. Glad too that we are able to be allowed or not allowed to do what we want together. That is a definite bonus.

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