At the end of my relationship with S we often barely spoke for weeks, let alone see each other. The level of intensity with this new man was welcome and invigorating. During the ‘getting to know you’ phase we communicated a lot and saw each other most weekends. My submission meant something different to G, my new Sir than it had to S.
In March 2014 I wrote about my submission and how I’d previously expressed it on the blog
“..submission was symbolic. It was about me kneeling when i arrived at his house, about the collar he put on me and it was about the way in which he took my body. It was less about the deep desire within me to be owned and possessed by another. Definitely not about feeling that deep connection. That doesn’t make what i wrote wrong, it wasn’t that i didn’t know what i felt, or that i didn’t feel i was submitting to S but it is useful for me to recognise how differently i feel today”.
As part of his desire to make me think of myself as property and to concentrate on him as my dominant. I was asked to refer to myself in the third person.
“A few weeks ago, i talked about Graeme’s request that i speak in the second person when submitting. At the time it seemed quite a task, indeed almost impossible. It turns out that not only is it pretty easy once you get your head around it, but that actually doing so helps me get my head into the right place. Even during times of stress, even when i am at work. Dare i say i have even begun to think about myself as she, or girl or even slut in my own thoughts and i am also thinking of Him as Sir and even saying it”.
It was amazing how quickly I became used to this concept. It was about allowing him, my Sir to take control. Firstly of our sex life and play times. But subsequently much more of our time together. This included allowing him to order for me and allowing him to take me out for the day without knowing where we were going. My desire to control was still strong, but gradually I learned to give it up a bit at a time.
Later that month we spent several days together in France:
“The more this girl finds her submission, the more Sir finds his dominance and in turn this girl relaxes more into her submission. And so it goes on.
Along with the submission is sexual desire, of a kind that this girl has not really known before. Suffice to say This Man turns her on very very much. this girl finds the submission erotic and so does He.”
During that week, there were some particularly intense sexually submissive experiences. and orgasm control quickly followed.
“Sir owns this girl’s orgasms and she must ask for them, unless He has already said that she may cum at will (which He does if this girl is not going to be able to speak or he expects she will need to cum lots). What is more he now tells her to cum and some how this girl does. Every time this girl cums, she must thank Him and tell Him that the orgasm belongs to Him.
Sir has been training this girl to cum at his will. To begin with He would count while he was stroking her, gradually increasing the number within that count. Then He started to just rest His hand on this girl’s pubes and demand she cum. For some reason it seems that this girl is able to cum on demand in this way in His presence.”
Finally still in April I had my nipples and clitoral hood pierced. It felt like I was really offering my submission to this man in a joyous way. But in a way I had never imaged possible.