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“Time spent in self-reflection is never wasted; it is an intimate date with yourself.”

Paul TP Wong
I am standing in front of a mirror facing the front. I'm wearing black and white knickers. There is an unmade bed and a bit of clutter behind.

I’ve been taking photos at my mum’s every fortnight this year. These are mainly so I can see my own shrinking shape, a pleasing sight for me. I thought this one, taken yesterday morning would be perfect for this post. The last of February Photofest 2022 and my February in reflection post. For January’s post click here.

Health and Weight Loss

For much of the month I’ve been riding a wave of positivity. This month I’ve lost 4lb, so 11lb in total for the year. A pound a week in general is about right for me. It means I’m balancing treats along with a structured plan where I don’t over indulge too much. My BMI is still above where I want it to be, but it is clearly coming down. I can see it in my serial photos and that makes me very happy. Weight and body image are a personal thing and for me the time felt right to make changes and I’m happy it shows in my clothes.

From last week onwards I’ve been struggling with the positivity I’ve felt since early January. It’s quite bizarre really, though I also know it is anxiety driven. I wasn’t expecting to be called out of the blue by a consultant plastic surgeon to be offered a breast reconstruction. She says she is happy with my BMI as it is and that I should continue to try to lose weight before surgery. This is something I am happy to do, thorough this also depends on controlling anxiety levels. Because, I am the kind of person who eats (and drinks) when anxious.

The surgery will be huge and I’ve spent the past few weighing everything up in my head. Do I really want it done? Is this a vanity project? Will it make me feel better in myself? The answers in case you wonder are Yes, no and yes.

This is no vanity project, but to help me regain some feeling of myself as a woman. Even though my new breast will look nothing like my old one, there will be something to grab hold of. Plus it will give me back a cleavage, something I miss. But best of all I will once again be able to wear bras and swimming costumes without the need for a prosthesis and that I know will make me feel really good.

The biggest issue really is the short notice and the fact that having been at home for 2 months we now have stuff planned. Some of which we don’t know now we’ll definitely be able to do. But when put in the context of our planned wedding, the timing is perfect.

Wedding plans

Given everything I’ve written above, I’m mighty happy to have been so organised with the wedding planning. The invitations have arrived and I’ve got them ready to post later on today. We’ve paid the deposit on the venue and last Friday we met our lovely photographer. I’m pleased to say she is an older woman who lives locally and I think she will be absolutely perfect.

The plans for our reception are taking shape and we’ve ordered a karaoke machine, which is going to be huge fun. We love a good karaoke and so do quite a few of our guests. The rest can go to the bar, to their rooms or home. I have plans for lots of flowers and I’ve chatted to my florist who is also local. Cake plans are also in train and we meet the lady who will make it on Sunday for a tasting.

I’ll use my time off from doing anything active to organise anything else, though I’m not sure there is much else!

Blogging

This is post 24 for February, which means I missed 4 days of posting. Not too bad considering my blog was down for technical reasons on 2 days plus there were a couple of working days when I just didn’t have the energy. I guess I should have planned better, but sometimes life just happens like that.

I’m going to try to keep up the momentum during March as much as I can. Especially as writing about my thoughts on the upcoming surgery might help.

Five Things seems to be going reasonably well. There have been some excellent responses to the prompts which alternate between general topics and kink related ones. These are my February reflections and at the moment, I’m feeling pretty positive, if slightly anxious!

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