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Looking back, looking forwards

I'm lying naked on a bed, arms over head.

Looking Back

This image was taken in France back in September 2020. When, we were luckier than most and were able to travel and take a holiday. I’m relaxed and happy in this image, because I’m lying in, or on the bed and I’m looking up at the man I love. What’s more, I’m happy in my skin and unaware of anything being wrong or missing.

Being naked when you only have one breast is pretty easy. Especially when there’s no one else around. Once II stand up though and start to dress then the sensation that both sides are not the same becomes apparent. Wearing a prosthesis in your bra is never going to be the same as filling it with your own boobs.

The type of bra you can buy is restrictive, it requires inserts to put the prosthesis into. It also needs to be reasonably sturdy with full cups. Sexy it usually ain’t. In the winter I care much less. Covered up for comfort is good and warm. In the summer though, I crave to wear a strappy top, with or without a bra.

It’s not that anyone would say anything about me being lop sided without a bra on, I just don’t like it and don’t feel comfortable.

Looking forward

I’ve been waiting to be considered for a breast reconstruction for about 2.5 years. In early 2020 I was busy getting operation fit when everything came to a grinding halt. A DIEP reconstruction is a big operation and is sometimes done immediately when a woman with breast cancer needs a mastectomy. Often though the reconstruction comes later when other treatment is completed. I was advised I’d need to wait a year after radiotherapy. It’s been 3.

In October I was told by a doctor my BMI was too high and to lose weight by the time Ii was to be seen in April.

Suddenly out of the blue this week things have begun to more. Firstly I was invited to attend a pre-assessment clinic (virtually and in person). Then yesterday I received a call from a consultant offering me a reconstruction soon 22nd March. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. In fact I had to ask for some time to think about it and discuss it with Master. She gave me an hour.

Of course, I’ve said yes. While short notice, this might prove good timing for all of the things we have planned later in the year. But that doesn’t mean I’m not feeling anxious and mixed up about the whole things. This will be a huge thing for me and for us both. Not without risks and also with a long recovery period ahead of me. But I do know I want this. The next few weeks will be about preparation and trying to lose a few more pounds in weight and to be as fit as I can be. Expect more on this topic.

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