In the degree that we remember and retell our stories and create new ones, we become authors, the authorities of our own lives
Sam Seen
As I wrote recently, this blog documents quite a bit of my life over the past 10 years. It also references life events that occurred before that, some of them in detail and others less so. During this time frame I have documented probably the time in my life when most change has taken place. Apart that is for when my son was born and the already evident marital problems that existed. Those events took place over 30 years ago and all I have to go on are my own memories. Plus the evidence of my ex not being in certain important photos.
At the beginning, much of my writings were completely contemporaneous and were written almost as diary entries. I wasn’t only exploring my own preconceived ideas of myself as a sexual being, but I was learning as I went. At that time I didn’t expect anyone to read my musings, so wrote with a sense of freedom. But of course, those posts were based on my own memory of events. This is interesting because more recently it has been proven that I can’t always remember everything that happens during an event. Especially if lots of orgasms and an element of sub space are involved.
Mind you, I’m not sure that really matters, since everything written here contains more than an element of truth. And that includes the fiction, which is often based on real events or else my own fantasies. It would be impossible to carry on a blog for this length of time based on lies. However any one reading must understand that this is my story and told from my own point of view.
Because this is my life and I have the right to tell my stories in the way I see fit. To omit any parts I don’t wish to divulge and share, so creating my own narrative. It just so happens that I’m pretty open and un guarded in these things right now.
When I started this journey I was on the cusp of my 50th birthday and while in an unhappy marriage, I had a lot to lose. Marriage, career, respect from my son and wider family to name but a few things. Now, I’m coming up to 60 and in a different kind of relationship. One I’ve been in for almost 8 years and which is happy and stable. I no longer fear the loss of anything other than health. But that is another story in itself.
Some of the 10 years of posts deserve a review and a new audience. So it feels time to start to do just that. To reflect on where I was then and importantly where I am now. It’s not always easy to come up with new ideas for posts and anyway I’m not sure it is completely necessary. So expect a rehash of some old stuff with reflections and the like. I think it would make a good April A-Z, so watch this space.
That would make a good A-Z project. Looking back on early posts, just to see how far you’ve come and what perspective you have now that time has past.
You are right. I wasn’t going to do it, but think that if I can get organised it will be a really good review of the past 10 years.
This is your story. And, of course, it is precisely because of this that it is interesting that it is told by you. After all, if someone else wrote this, how could he know everything that you think and feel at every moment of time. But that’s what makes the first-person story so interesting.