Skip to content

Am I the only one who knows me?

“I am the sole author of the dictionary that defines me” Zadie Smith

A black and white photo of my bottom. I'm bending over while naked.

There was a time when I really think my true self was hidden from most people. A time when rather than tell people of I was sad or hurting, when they had upset me. I bit my tongue and kept quiet. This was also true of my ability to articulate what I needed from my sexual relationship. I had never learned to ask for what I needed, indeed I didn’t actually know myself.

Yet I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m an extrovert in many settings and I do tend to speak my mind. When I feel safe to do so anyway. But I think that if others had truly been interested in me they would have tried to find out more about what made me tick. Instead I became self sufficient and insular, preferring my own company to that of others. I lived in my own head much more than was probably healthy.

It’s coming up to 10 years since I decided to find out what really made me tick. To discover what sex and sexuality could mean to me and since I entered the world of kink and of course sex blogging. In April 2012 I began to write about myself in a way I hadn’t even thought about before. My first steps were cautious but gradually I learned to express myself through this media and I can honestly say I am a completely different person to the one I was then. Well the same in many ways, but very different too.

If you read my blog regularly you will know lots about me. That I am in my 50’s, divorced (I wrote lots about the breakdown of my marriage), I have had breast cancer. You will also know that I identify as submissive and am my Master’s slave. Just dip in and you’ll discover much of what I have learned about sex, relationships and much more. Of course what you read here is the tip of an iceberg of amazing experiences. Many of them made possible because I met Master and trusted him enough to help me become his slut and slave.

I know myself pretty well but he knows aspects of me I didn’t even know were important. He can tell when I’m happy or sad. When I feel safe or anxious. What’s more he can turn me on when I don’t even think its possible, when I don’t think I’m in the mood at all. He doesn’t go in for flowers but he knows I love to stay in a hotel overlooking the sea or a lake. Rather than chocolates he will choose a kinky toy and a night in a dungeon. Often when I feel fat and unattractive he will capture an image of me that shows me something different. Over the years I’ve had to face the fact that I don’t always know myself best. Sometimes I have to just trust that he knows me better.

Your thoughts are always welcome

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Social Media Auto Publish Powered By :
%d bloggers like this: