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Blogging A-Z Challenge 2021: Past Love

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

“It will always be a mystery to me how we can’t forget the love that forgot us” – J.M Storm

For quite a time I refrained from writing about my relationship with Steve. After all I have moved on and am now in this relationship. But this series of posts on age and how my life has evolved over the past 10 years have meant I have referred to him more than usual.

The distance of time also helps. Much as my life with my ex feels like a different me in a different time. So my time with Steve feels a lifetime away. Yet I have much to be grateful to him for. He taught me so many things about kink and prepared me for the life I have now.

We first chatted on the day that Steve’s dad had died, I guess joining an online chat room was a form of release for him. I enjoyed the fact that while we flirted together we also chatted about regular stuff. He told me about his dad and I found myself telling him a bit about my marriage. Over the next few days we spent a lot of time together (online and phone). Our meeting was inevitable, but no relationship boundaries were ever set. I was rebounding from my marriage, but there was a greater distance between he and his almost ex wife.

The intensity of the kinky sex, role play and bondage that we engaged in made it inevitable that I might fall for him. He treated me kindly and with compassion. He was a great lover, if a bit predictable, but I should have recognised that he had no romantic feelings for me. Within months I thought I might be in love with him, but something made me hold back from uttering the words. Thank goodness.

Steve is the first person ever to dump me. I hope he is the last. He did so after we had spent a couple of days together and on the day in question I had been tied naked to a tree in some woods. The irony was that having told me he had met someone else, he asked for a lift. I was heading home and he was going out.

After dropping him off, I cried all the way home. Frustratingly I had a new car and had to stop for petrol, and suffered the indignity of not being able to work out how to open the petrol cap. I must have looked a right mess. My ex was almost ecstatic when I told him that Steve and I had split up. My tears ought to have warned him not to gloat. I made it clear there was no going back.

Except when it came to Steve. A few weeks later we started a friends with benefits relationship. It was better in that we knew where we stood and I began to notice little things about him I didn’t like. But the sex was great, if not all that regular.

The second time he dumped me was the last. We had spent new year together, he managed to tick sex at midnight from his bucket list. Yep, that was the kind of guy he was. This blog contains many events that were just that. Course, you don’t realise till afterwards do you?

I met Master online just a few days after the second dumping and I’ve really never looked back. From time to time Steve pops up in my Facebook chat, but he knows where we stand. We have great shared memories and he was an excellent teacher. As a long term partner though, I’d say he is pretty flawed. Which is probably why he has had another couple of relationships and is currently single. Despite letting me go because he wanted a soul mate. Thankfully I’ve found mine and it isn’t him.

The archives from that relationship can be found here. and here

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