Blogging A-Z Challenge: Libido and Menopause

I’ve never had the highest of sex drives. But my libido has definitely been affected by the menopause. When I embarked on this journey I was peri-menopausal. My periods were still regular, but I had started to get the hot flashes and night sweats. It’s been 10 years now and sadly I still have the hot flashes, but less frequently and I guess I have got used to them.

During those peri-menopausal days my libido definitely was boosted, but of course I was also in the flush of a new relationship. Trying out new things. Plus there was no opportunity for daily sex, even if I’d wanted it. After all I was in a long distance relationship with S. Plus my now ex husband had no idea yet that our relationship was at risk. Looking back I wonder if the fact I didn’t get much fulfilment from sex for most of my adult life led to me not desiring it either. Making yourself come is fine, but not if it the only way you get any satisfaction.

During my time with S then, I was getting more sex, all be it intermittently and I definitely wanted it more. The same was definitely true when I met Master. Again our sex and other activities were concentrated around the weekends. But those weekends were extremely satisfying and I hardly ever used any toys while alone. While my orgasms are controlled he never stopped me from having them. I was just to thank him, even in his absence. But in truth I rarely felt the need to make myself come. I still don’t.

Having sex while in the throws of the menopause can be a little disconcerting, as hot flashes come in waves and seem to be set off by autonomic response. so, while I might just be sitting at my desk doing nothing, they were more common when under pressure. Like speaking in a meeting or addressing a group of people. So, it happened during both sex and play. But there were other effects too.

For a while sex was painful and at times pretty dry. Other times not and less so. Therefore we never knew when we’d need loads of lube, nor when just his cock would send my cunt into spasm. I wonder if that’s why I became less interested. A kind of chicken and egg, is it the hormonal change making feel less like sex or is it the effect of those changes making me less interested. I guess I won’t know.

Anyhow, by the middle of 2018 I was pretty much over the menopause. In that the symptoms had gone and my body felt much more normal again. I wasn’t dry and it wasn’t painful. Instead I was tired, in the throws of moving house and working my notice at work. Our spare time was spent packing, cleaning and doing minor repairs. We were both tired, though that’s not to say we didn’t have fun and didn’t have sex, we did. But if Master wasn’t up for it then I definitely didn’t push things.

Breast cancer brought with it another hormonal complications. I’ve been taking Letrozole tablets since early 2019. These have flipped me back into the menopause again. What I didn’t know was that after menopause we still produce oestrogen in our bones. The tablets are designed to get rid of that, because my breast cancer was hormone dependant. The hot flashes have returned, though not too the same extent. Vaginal dryness is definitely a thing, though thankfully I don’t get the pain I once did. My body though is less flexible, the letrozole causes joint stiffness. Sometimes when I stand up I feel about 90 years old. I also seem less able to orgasm.

Winter is not a good time for us mood wise. Both of us feel a dip in libido. Then when circumstance gets in the way e.g. my work hours etc. Then weeks go by. But spring usually brings with it a resurgence, as does being somewhere that isn’t home. We have a little trip to a beachfront apartment booked soon. I’m hoping the change of scenery will help things along some what. I’m pretty sure that more sex will make us want more sex again. But I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

2 thoughts on “Blogging A-Z Challenge: Libido and Menopause”

  1. I’ve been in the “painful sex” portion of the menopausal mess for a couple years now. So much so that I completely nixed penetration for several months. As someone who always enjoyed sex, it’s been a bit of a shock to my system to have that joy replaced by discomfort and pain.

    sigh

    I don’t have hit flashes, thankfully. But I had severe PCOS so for years I was just overhot all the time — the hormonal switch into menopause, for me, has meant the reverse: now I’m always cold!

    I would say, “I’ll be glad when this is over” but I don’t know if it ever really IS over. I wonder.

    Meanwhile, I just do my best to roll with it. Fortunately, I have a partner who rolls right alongside me.

    1. That is so horrible and I know that painful sex was a real problem to us. But it did pass, and I hope it will for you too.

Your thoughts are always welcome

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