Endings and beginnings

“What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future.”

– Agnes M. Pahro

I always think of Christmas as pretty much the end of the year (which of course it is since it is at the end of December). A time when you can pause and take stock on things past and others to come. 2020 of course has been the year most of us will be glad to see the back of. Though I fear a good part of 2021 will be pretty rubbish too.

Endings – Looking back

2020 has been difficult for many reasons. But there are a number of things about this year I will retain positive memories of. The joy of just taking a walk. Of being out of the house and hearing birds singing and feeling the warmth of the spring sun. I remember the lack of traffic and the blue blue sky uncluttered by planes and pollution. Ok so we had our travel plans dismantled but at least we could enjoy the outside. Walk and later take a picnic. We avoided crowds not just because of social distancing but also because we liked to be able to see and hear the things around us.

Not being able to see friends and family has made me appreciate many of the things I took for granted. The hardest thing has been not seeing or hugging my son for months on end. I know he and his wife have struggled with living in a small flat. I am grateful for the space we have at home which means we can at least get away from each other without going out.

In August we took the chance to go to France, despite the introduction of quarantine. Our holiday was different from usual; very little sightseeing. Instead we took our self isolation techniques to another country and just enjoyed being there. Staying local like we do at home, but with added sun, sea and sand. We only came home when the weather changed and we knew we would be more comfortable here. I have no regrets and would definitely do it again.

The things we have missed most are essentially cultural – live music, theatre, galleries and museums. Most of our activities have taken place outdoors. But I have to say that I am glad that our very last weekend of freedom back in March was spent seeing exhibitions and listening to a concert. As well of course as meeting up with people who had expected to be at Eroticon.

This Christmas – The present

I hate to admit it, but I have loved this Christmas. We have spent the time relaxed in our own home. Together and with no visitors. I guess that makes us sound dull and perhaps a little selfish. But many of the Christmas’ of my past have been spent pleasing everyone else but me.

I enjoyed a lovely walk with my son and daughter in law on Sunday. Not being able to see them so much this year has made every minute together special. The fact we have to make an effort to plan and do these things can be challenging, but definitely worthwhile.

We travelled to see my mum on Monday, she is the one person I need to provide face to face support to as she lives alone. The longer this pandemic goes on the more she struggles with it. Recently she has discovered Netflix and has become a binge watcher of a number of series. The reason she likes it so much is it is uninterrupted by new bulletins and I do worry about her losing touch with reality more than she should. But she is safe and the vaccine is just around the corner for her.

2021 The Beginning of a new year

I am almost done with the negativity of this year. Having spent so long reading about Covid 19 and pouring over the stats I am ready to take a leaf out of my mum’s book. I am happy to live in our own two people bubble and break out only when necessary. But I do need to see light and hope in the future.

It’s too early to make firm plans; too many were made and cancelled last year. But my hopes for this year include a new temporary job (which will happen in the next couple of weeks) and therefore savings. These will be needed when we can travel again. I also want to begin to plan a wedding, which my daughter in law is very keen to help with! To be realistic that might not be till 2022, but we can definitely plan.

Travel, when we can do it again will probably be in this country and of course France. We have plans to sell the little apartment we have there and get something bigger, a place we can spend time at all times of the year. I really hope we can begin that process this coming summer.

Little things have taken on more significance, so the things I’d like to do this coming year would have seemed trivial previously. Things like being able to go to the local pool every week, or being able to get my hair cut and knowing I can get it done again in 6 weeks. Certainty has become a memory and I’d really love some of that back. A trip to the theatre, a walk around a gallery, an evening at a concert. The things we took for granted and now can’t do are stuff of my desires right now.

Eroticon – I want to think we can have eroticon. But smaller than that to go to a munch again and to meet up with fellow kingsters for a chat over a drink. Give me CMnf or any other event where we can let our hair down and enjoy being who we are. Together in a room rather than apart. No more Zoom or Skype as a default. Plus hugs, lots and lots of hugs.