“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein
I’ve always believed that in life we have to adapt and change to move forward. That we have to listen, look and learn as we go. Even when my life didn’t seem to be going anywhere I made a point of doing those things so I was prepared. I guess that might be why I was suddenly ready to make such major changes at the beginning of my 50’s.
This blog is a record of the way I’ve kept on moving forwards since 2012. When I started it I had no idea I would still be doing so as 2020 draws to a close. Nor did I know just how much distance I would have covered. Using the bicycle analogy it feels like I’ve ridden the length of the country, constantly moving forwards. I look like the same person (if a bit older) I was in 2012 but I feel I’ve experienced so much more in this decade than I did in the previous 2 at least. With the exception of, probably my experience of motherhood.
Sex, kink and finding me
I’ve written so much here about my sex life. About discovering kink and my submissive self. It’s hard now to remember my life before. I was late in discovering how my own body worked, only really learning how to orgasm when my husband failed to fulfil me. Reaching out to others online came about because I realised that toys and fingers were fine, but no replacement for another human. I didn’t realise that at the time, nor did I know I was actively looking to have sex with a man who wasn’t my husband until I was. And wow, what sex it was!
No trainer wheels for me, I jumped in with both feet. Luckily moments of regret have been few. Master always says that S did all the ground work with me. Because I arrived at his door having experienced so many new things. Still a novice in many ways but not brand new either.
Life since then has been one of continuous learning and evolution. It is interesting that being Master’s submissive and then slave has enabled that to happen. By having the decisions about what, how and when taken away I’ve learned to trust and to live in the moment. It’s a rare day that I turn down sex or a spanking and rarer still that it doesn’t happen when he says. My consent is both implicit and explicit in that and we both know it can be withdrawn, but it is there. I have given myself to Master, to own and control and that works for us.
I still struggle to articulate what I want from sex or a play session, but luckily I live with a man who has made it his business to work that out.
Work and other persuits
I was always better at moving forward with work ambitions than in other ways. I was always ambitious and career minded, but wanted to also be able to enjoy my son growing up. It was a necessity for me to work, but I loved my job too. But didn’t seek promotion often because I wanted to work locally. That changed just before he went to secondary school when I got a job in management and went back to school (as it were). I completed 2 degrees in the next 10 years.
During the first year of this blog, I went through a massive reorganisation at work and was made redundant. That was an experience I found distressing and dehumanising. But it resulted in me getting the best job of my career. Unexpectedly I found myself developing my own niche and getting national recognition in my field.
I’ve always loved to travel and see new places. Beach holidays were fine, but I found it dull to go to the beach or pool day after day. I really don’t have the skin for it and there is only so much time you can find relief in a book. It was ok while my son was small, though we did mix it up with castles and other fun places. The kind of holidays I have now are much more up my street. But often so active I have to beg for a beach or pool morning / afternoon.
The most noticeable difference to my life now (when it isn’t during the pandemic of 2020) is the all the other stuff I get to do. I always liked music and visiting museums and the such. But I never dreamt I’d enjoy classical concerts so much, or want to spend so much time in galleries and other exhibitions. Then there are the old films that Master loves so much. It’s been a steep learning curve but an amazing one.
In November 2019 our calendar was full. We saw Sleeping Beauty the ballet and Mary Poppins both in London. We also went to the cinema and concerts and stayed in a hotel. Our life was fun and busy. We attended munches and club events. Life was very very good. In March this year everything ground to a holt and we haven’t been to a theatre, gallery or concert hall since then. We were luckier than most and have had our time in France. But that too was different from usual.
I don’t know when we will be able to get moving back to anything like our normal routine. In some ways this year has been fine. I feel rested and calm (most of the time). I’m also working and earning a small amount of regular money on the back of Covid 19. But I miss interacting with my son and visiting the kinds of places we used to think of as normal. Neither of us want to do things that would put us or others in danger. Our journey through France there and back was indicative of this. We took the Eurotunnel and stayed in Airbnb accommodation, rather than stay in hotels. We ate in much more while there, partly because fewer places were open especially in the evening but also because it’s what we are used to doing this year.
All we can hope for is that the situation improves, cases decrease and this much spoken of vaccine works. I want to keep on moving forward.