“We had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”
– Louis de Bernieres.
Yesterday I alluded to the fact that this relationship was never meant to be serious. It was meant to be a stop gap for us both. The back story is here if you want to read about it. I didn’t set out to find a forever partner, especially as I was still rather married at the time. Though the process of separating was already underway and unknown to me he had found someone else too. We set out to have a good time together, to play together (in a BDSM sense) and to have an element of D/s.
We had a long courtship, if I can use that term from days gone by. For the first 4 years of the relationship we lived separately, initially spending weekends together. Then gradually we did things after I finished work in London, or we would go to a local munch. He would stay over with me or I with him.
At some point, some time we decided it would be a good thing if I moved in, but of course there was the complication of the marital home, which I was still living in. Parting for several days of the week became something neither of us wanted. But to pinpoint that decision making moment is beyond my memory. Our weekends started to be about getting the house ready to sell. Together we decluttered, fixed things that were broken and generally made up for things that hadn’t been maintained. We had fun along the way, but that he wanted to help me meant a lot.
Suddenly it was time to move. My ex’s new partner bought my share of the house and frantically we packed and I off loaded years of my life into a skip. I couldn’t take everything. But rather than feel I was losing something it became apparent that I was freeing myself from the past.
As regular readers of my blog will know there have been massive bumps in our road together. But Master’s reaction to my breast cancer diagnosis and the way he has cared for me since confirmed to me I had done exactly the right thing. He is the person I needed in my life all along, but didn’t know I was missing. We spend a lot of time together, but we have created our own spaces within the home where we can do our own thing. But we do lots of things together, because we want to. I have learned so much about art and music. I’ve visited places I never expected to. Hopefully he too has learned useful things from me.
This is the person I want to be with, to spend my life with and to stay together with. He is my forever partner and that makes me very happy. My fifties has been a time of great change, but now I am happy that I have stability. That we can learn and grow together in the future as one.
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