Street view

I am standing at the tall open window naked. It is night time. In front of me is a wooden railing.

A pleasant side effect of the need to rent properties this holiday has been the photo opportunities they have presented. Our current one is an old village house with a room on each floor. The walls are thick and there are only windows to the front. So, it is cool, even on the hottest of days. I suspect you could keep it warm easily in winter too. On the first floor is a lovely living room, simply furnished. It has a desk where I have been able to blog, and also worked on morning last week. The best feature though is the large window giving us a view of the street and the blue sky above the tall buildings.

It’s a quiet place, though people bustle along during the day on their way to market, the shops or perhaps to the lake which is in the opposite direction. It’s narrow so a passing car is a rare event.

This photo was taken a few nights ago, and although I’m pretty sure no one was around to see (other than the photographer), this would have made some street view.

We leave this lovely place today as damage to the apartment has been fixed and it’s habitable again. But I’ll always remember the beautiful house with the steep stairs and lovely balcony. Plus, rest assured there are more photos to share yet.

This post is linked to both Sinful Sunday and the Scavenger Hunt. To see who else is joining in click on the images below.

Unlearning the habits of a lifetime

So many things to unlearn

The Other Me

This blog pretty much catalogues my attempts, over the past 8 years to unlearn habits that formed over a lifetime. I’m pretty much a people pleaser and I hate conflict. This led me to take on responsibilities for things I would have been better to leave to others. I don’t mean at work but at home, with family and my ex.

I’d like to say that having embarked on this relationship and leaving many of the decisions to Master I am a completely reformed character. But that wouldn’t be completely true. While I’m better at putting us and me first rather than everyone else, I still have a habit of trying to organise people. This most recently happened over the weekend after my birthday. I decided it would be nice if a few of us visited my mum and shared a meal in the garden. In the end I got myself worked up because my niece decided to go the following day instead. Plus, my brother’s partner didn’t show up because of my mum’s previous shit stirring habits.

As I type this, I see how trivial it all is. But also I see that I still try to be everything to everyone and get upset when things don’t quite go to plan. But actually people don’t need organising my me and other than getting my son and daughter in law over to meet with us and my mum I should have left it at that.

This is huge learning for me, because I have a bad habit of doing the same kind of thing at Christmas time. This year, with meeting restrictions likely to be in place I already see I have to step back. Master and I have already discussed the events from last Christmas, which resulted in me feeling angry and sad. I am not going to repeat them.

I have left the country for a month and the world hasn’t collapsed (well not the bit relating to family). My mum is happily phoning me and resects my right to have a break. No one expects the things that I seem to expect of myself. So why do I expect them of myself?

Especially as I can see that in so many other ways my behaviour is different. I enjoy life with Master but don’t attempt to mother him. Something that I probably did with my ex, while complaining he expected it.

I guess in the end it all comes down to personality and to learned behaviours. The latter being sure as hell harder to unlearn than they were to learn. But having said that, I don’t think I’ve done such a bad job.

How much control does the submissive have?

Many people say that it is the submissive that has all the power and control in a D/s relationship. After all, the decision to enter the relationship and to agree to comply to certain rules is made by the submissive. Or is it? I can only speak from my own limited experience and these are my own thoughts on the subject.

Beginning a D/s relationship

At the beginning of any relationship both parties are feeling their way. Testing each other out and building trust. A power exchange relationship is no different. A big part of getting to know each other takes place through a discussion of experiences and limits, as well as actually testing these out. At this stage, the power balance should really be pretty even.

Of course, it depends what you are looking for. I know that when I met Master I was definitely looking for a D/s relationship where I could give up control. But even I was surprised by the speed at which I was prepared to do so. I was in control of those decisions and we discussed what was involved. Probably control of orgasms was one of the first and that has remained the case. He owns them, but of course I do have the ability to regain control, since the orgasms emanate from my body. But more of that later.

Over a period of some months I relinquished more and more control over my every day actions as well as what happened in the play or bed room. I’ve noticed in books about power exchange, submissives are often expected to sign a detailed contract very early on. This is usually something drawn up by the dominant, commented on by the submissive and then signed by both parties.

Real life, for me anyway isn’t like that.

A contract

The decision for us to have something written down was something we made together. It also coincided with the first visible sign that Master had become my owner. The items contained in the contract were all things that had already been discussed and put in place. I suggested one or two changes plus an additional rule. Part of the contract specified what he should be doing for me, which seems only right.

Of course this has no basis in law or anything else. It’s just an agreement between two consenting adults. As I’ve mentioned punishment isn’t a big thing for us, mind you I’m not the biggest rule breaker in the world either. So it’s all pretty much down to trust and compliance and I’m pretty compliant to be honest.

But if he decided to punish me, then I think I’ve probably agreed to that too.

Over time, we’ve moved away from the contract, though it exists and has been expanded. The biggest change was when I told him I’d like to give up my limits.

Limits

The biggest thing I’ve done to signify giving away control of my limits. There have never been very many limits anyway quite a few have been gently (or not so gently) pushed over the years. My only real hard limit (apart from the usual illegal, age play and scat related ones) is medical and nursing stuff. I won’t do anything that demeans my profession, including dressing up as a nurse for sex.

There’s really little else I’d object to and trust in this relationship is absolute, so I have no problem with Master saying he wants try something and going ahead with it without asking me first. Though to be fair to him, that rarely happens.

Who has the power and the control?

The answer to that is that both of us do. The dynamic of our relationship means that his dominance is both a written and unwritten. In most things I am happy to defer and where I’m not we discuss things. Ultimately he makes many of the decisions, thought not financial or family ones. If I decided this wasn’t the kind of relationship either of us wanted any more, I’m not sure that would be the end for us. Because we now have a history behind us and our relationship is built on more than the dynamic. But anyway I see no reason that I would want to end the power exchange element. It has made me feel free and happy and I know just how complete it makes him feel.

This post is linked to No True Way, please click below to see who else is joining in this week.

Ready

I hadn’t intended to disappear from the radar this past week. But events over took me and I’ve had to go with the flow. The great news is, we are in the warm and sunny south of France. The other good news is we are enjoying some great food and drink as well as the sun and sea. On the downside we have have been forced to rent a couple of local properties (due to availability) because our own place is currently uninhabitable (hot water issues). But that in itself has brought new joy. Because we have had the chance to experience some period houses, places with thick stone walls and spiral staircases.

So, once the initial stress has passed. Once I came to terms with the need to spend serious money on sorting out the water heater. Plus, once we had access to wifi (another issue to be sorted). I was ready for some fun and attention. Ready for Master to take me and to crave my body.

Master took this photo of me and modified it to make it black and white so it fits with this month’s Sinful Sunday prompt. But I couldn’t decide between the more natural and the over exposed one. So I’m posting them both.

Hopefully I’m also ready to write and post many more words this coming week, in between doing all the DIY we expected to do and making our apartment habitable again.