“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself- and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.”
~ Jim Morrison
The ex as a friend
My ex wants us to be friends. For a long time, before we split up I knew I still loved him but really didn’t like him. After years of marriage I really didn’t want to chose him to be an acquaintance let alone best friend. Time and separation has mellowed my view some what and I guess I know I could go to him if I needed something. He is loyal, in many ways though wasn’t especially faithful. Trust is a big thing in friendship and in love and unfortunately that is a bit of a problem. He has told me more lies than it is conceivable for any human to do to someone they say they love.
Plus he isn’t very good with boundaries. I popped round to the former marital home last week to collect something and had an amicable chat with he and his partner. He followed me out to the car and told me he liked my hair which is short and had been bleached by the sun. I’m happy for anyone to say I’m looking good, thanks. But he spoiled it by messaging me while I was driving home and telling me that I had turned him on. I ignored the message, though seethed about it. Thankfully an apology followed and then I told him that wasn’t an ok thing to do.
So, I don’t think my ex will ever be much of a friend and certainly not my best friend.
Friends as friends
I’ve had a number of close friends in my lifetime but none that have stood the test of time. I guess that once I wrapped myself up in love and life lasting friendships just didn’t happen. It could be that I didn’t invest as much time as I should have. Or else it was just something that happened. I feel sad when another good friendship drifts off and becomes something less close and personal. But it hasn’t been the end of the world. Since more recently my lovers have been good friends. Also a few work friends really stepped up for a while during times of need, as I did for them too.
My best friend
Master is my friend and confidant in a way no one else really has been. There isn’t anything I can’t and don’t say to him. It wasn’t until this was the case that I realised that I learned early on that my ex kept secrets from me and so increasingly I kept them from him. I don’t think there are many, if any secrets that Master and I keep from each other.
But going back to the quote, Master has let me be the person I am, at the same time as helping me be the person I always wanted to be. I have a level of freedom to be myself in a way I didn’t even know I needed.
Being part of this power exchange has allowed me to give up some of the decision making responsibilities that I used to find so hard. It has helped me realised I don’t need to be in control of everything and everyone all of the time. I came across as dominant and domineering in many circumstances when I was younger. But now, I see that was a defence mechanism against failure and letting people down. If I didn’t do things myself then they would never be right. Of course, I was wrong about that and I’m happy to admit it.
I’m with a man I love and respect and who loves and respects me in return. We are learning together how to be older people that want to continue to be active, to enjoy kink and to be lovers. He has helped me see that my body is beautiful to him and others and that I don’t need to hide it just because I am nearer 60 than 50. We have explored photography together and I wear clothes especially to kink events that I would never have imagined. I can honestly say I am happier now than I have been during my adult life (possibly with the exception of some lovely occasions with my son). That is in no small part to my Master, my Best Friend. What’s more, I’m not letting this one slip away.
This post is linked to Quote Quest and The Blog Days of Summer. Click below to see who else is taking part.