“The thing is that you brought this out in me. How could I want it with anyone else” – JM Storm
One of the best ways I know of describing our kinky life is this – The Things We Do (TTWD). I first saw the phrase / abbreviation on other blogs soon after I started blogging and liked it. That’s because the things we do are unique to us just as our relationship is unique to us.
I came into the relationship with a better knowledge of sex and kink than I’d had just a couple of years before. I’ve written many times about my limited sexual experiences before the age of 50.
My time with S certainly proved to be a voyage of discovery. I left that relationship thinking I knew it all, only to discover how wrong I was. More importantly the discovery that the relationship itself is vital in determining TTWD.
S was interested in power exchange, but only during play or specific scenes. He was especially keen on scenes that we acted out. He liked to tie me up and to inflict some pain. But lacked the knowledge or inclination to take it very far.
I was a keen pupil and pretty much fitted in with his desires. I didn’t yet know what I wanted or needed, though I did crave his dominance over me. Over time it became obvious that he wasn’t going to be able to give me what I needed. The sex however was great, even at the end.
Learning about myself – MPB
Master said he was looking for a play partner who was submissive. I went in to the relationship expecting just that. But as I wrote soon after, I got much much more. I learned that my need for submission was greater than I knew. And, his desire for me to be his slave was overpowering.
Whereas with S, bondage, humiliation and degradation had been paramount. With Master, the power exchange was most obvious. Next was play. This was play in the context of his power over me. Together we explored restraint, exhibitionism, pain and pleasure in a way that was completely different to my previous experiences. Different, not because everything was new but because the context was different.
Over time Master brought out feelings about myself and TTWD that I hadn’t imagined, not even while reading erotic fiction. Sometimes this was scary, but in the main it released me from the constraints of my previous life.
This is our relationship and I need no other
Over 6 years have passed since Master and I got together. If you’d told me then that this would likely be long lasting and all we’d both want, I would have laughed in your face. But this is how it is. He is the man I needed all along and all I need now. Some of TTWD have changed over time. For example most of our play takes place outside of our home even though we have the equipment. Our sex life ebbs and flows, due to libido, need, time of the year etc. Since we live together our sex and play isn’t concentrated into weekends and holidays.
My submission might appear less overt than originally, though of course my collar is a constant reminder to me, us and others. Sometimes I worry it isn’t enough, though deep down I’m pretty sure it is. I am enough. He is enough and TTWD is enough.
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