Psychology

I have 3 general categories for posts that are about me and how I tick, or a specifically about the more internal aspects of our dynamic. The psychology of me, of D/s and M/s. Posts in the D/s category are mainly from my time with Steve and the first few months with Master. Usually those posts are also labelled more specific to their topic. Over the years these categories have been useful when I’ve written things that seem random.

This blog has been a great place for me to write what I think and feel at a given time. I don’t keep a separate diary or journal and the only notes are make are planning ones. Often I don’t know what I’m going to write about until I sit down and do it. Sometimes I start off with a plan for one topic and it leads to something else. That’s the way my mind seems to work.

There’s no doubt that a power exchange dynamic produces thoughts and feelings that are strange. Why do I want to be dominated? Why am I willing to submit? How on earth did he manage to make me orgasm when I was sure I wouldn’t? Just a few of the questions I’ve asked myself and explored on this blog.

Over the past 8 years (my blogaversary is tomorrow) I’ve written over 1800 posts. This was the first one. Back then I knew virtually nothing about submission and dominance and less about BDSM and kink. But I was ready to learn and keep to please. This blog has been the perfect receptacle for my thoughts, many of them random.

By looking back over time, I can see how I’ve changed as a person and how much I’ve learned. But also that there is more learning to be done. More delving into my own psyche. Wondering about the psychology of me and my relationships.

Stuff has happened this last week that has rocked me. I’ve never been so affected by something that really didn’t concern me. I’ve lost friends over this issue. That’s something I’m sad about and will write about soon. Indeed I’m no longer sure which memes I can and should write about. Or where I’m welcome. Only time will tell.