I’ve been thinking about the different relationships I have had in my life. That I don’t make friends easily and that those relationships often haven’t endured on more than a superficial level. I had few boyfriends before my husband, but then we started going out when I was 15. This means that I have had a sexual relationship with few men and no woman. But relationships with others are important to me and while living alone was ok, I prefer living as I do now.
I struggled to make friends as a child. I am not sure why. I tried to have a birthday party once, but as my birthday is in August, no one could come. Or maybe they didn’t want to. My life at primary school wasn’t especially happy and the one friend I had moved away. However I did have friends in my street, mostly younger and I don’t remember holidays being particularly troublesome.
At secondary school things improved. I got together with another girl in my year and we were good friends for many years. I still have a number of other friends from school that I am still in contact with. I wouldn’t say I am close to any of them, but I do consider them friends.
When I was 18 I had a party and loads of friends came. Weird to think that was the first birthday party (other than family) that I ever had. Around that time there was a whole group of us that spent lots of time together, going to pubs, for meals and to parties. This lasted until we all started to marry and have children. But as I said I am still in touch with a few.
My first real boyfriend was the man who became my husband. But before that I briefly saw two boys in my street. The first was my next door neighbour. We only ever went on one date together to the cinema. But we spent a lot of time talking and snogging in the alley behind our houses. He was the first person I let touch me and he had the first penis I ever touched. Then I briefly went out with a boy from over the road who took me bowling on his motorbike.
My mum forbade me from going on that bike, which was why I went. His mates and girlfriends were also there and we had a fun evening. He then asked me over to his house while his parents were away. But again his friends were there and we passed a boring evening as the conversation centred around biking. I didn’t rate his kissing abilities either so ended things.
Then another neighbour asked me out. He was a bit older (19 to my almost 16) and this time it felt right. We went out on our own, to a local youth club and met up with his friends as well as mine. This because a proper relationship and led eventually to marriage. He and I didn’t have PIV sex until I was 18, though we did plenty other stuff.
My parents were both only children, but my nan was one of 9. My brothers and I had loads of cousins that we spent time with as we grew up. These relationships have endured more than some of my friendships and I consider some of those cousins to be friends.
The bond between me and my brothers strengthened once we all married and had children. We holidayed with both families, though not all together. We socialised together a lot and often my parents and my nan were present. For around 10 years our social life centred around those relationships until my brothers marriages broke up one after the other. I remain friendly with both sisters in law, but I don’t see them often.
Since my dad died and my mum moved to be closer to the elder of my two brothers, he and I have become close again. They are probably the only people Master and I regularly socialise with other then my son and his wife.
I’ve been friends with many work colleagues over the years, but those relationships have rarely endured us going our separate ways. My work friendships have been much like my school ones. Though social media helps keep some contact with people.
Around the time we got our first computer at home, I had started to get bored with my life. I’ve written quite a bit about my relationship with my husband, you can read about it here. Soon I learned about internet chat rooms and began to chat with both men and women. It was quite a time though before I met anyone I chatted to, but whenI did there was some romance and then non PIV sex involved. I don’t feel particularly proud about cheating on my husband in this way. But at the time |I was looking for excitement and also to find out if I had missed out on anything. It turned out I had.
In April 2012 I met S online (read more here) and that was a catalyst for massive changes in my life. Those changes led directly to me meeting Master and ending up where we are now.
I’m really a very self contained person who is happy in her own company. But I do need the opportunity to be with other people. I am a little sad that many of my friendships haven’t endured. But perhaps I haven’t been brilliant at putting in the effort. Though of course this is a two way process.
My romantic and sexual relationships have been few. But the important ones endured and I’ll be perfectly happy if I don’t need another one. This relationship is hopefully for life.