Remembering

When we were in the throws of separating my husband told me that he felt that our whole life together had been a waste. That I had ruined all of the good things we had together by my act of infidelity and decision not to remain with him. That was a bit rich coming from a man who had been unfaithful first. But this post is not about that. It is about my response. Which was: I wouldn’t change the things we did together, the family times, holidays and of course our son. Much less the 5 years before we married and the fun things we did afterwards, but before our son was born. I know that 6 years on he thinks differently, but in the heat of the moment I understand why he reacted as he did.

There are many things in my life that I would approach differently, but nothing I would really change. My memories of our long relationship are in the main happy ones. That wasn’t always the case because they were marred by my bitterness of the way he, I and we handled certain situations. But also of my general sense of unhappiness of a life less than fulfilled. So even when I was doing something fun, I found it difficult to just be happy. I was always comparing myself and my relationship with that of others. Perceiving myself to be suffering some how. This is weird, because some of those relationships were nothing to write home about.

But now, from the safety of a happy relationship with a man I know I love and trust I see things differently. I remember with fondness our holidays and family days. As my son was an only child and he has 4 cousins one or more of them came on our trips out and sometimes holidays. Sometimes my parents, their grandparents came along too.

That I spent too much time alone with my son while my husband was either working or pretending to is a source of irritation. It has affected their longer term relationship. But I no longer have to defend him or make excuses for it. I should have been braver and left him sooner. But I am no longer living in the land of what if.

Just as when Master and I discuss that it would have been good if we had met sooner. There is no point in worrying about what might have happened if we had. The experience of life has given me the memories I have. There are times I would rather forget, but know that remembering is more useful. I won’t be fooled in the way I was when young, but at the same time I can let go. I can remember the good and leave the irritations I once felt in the mist of time.

what is more I am making new memories, with Master with my son and with family and friends. It’s good to look back but healthy too to have an eye on the present and what is to come.

F4Thought

Elust #123

Photo courtesy of Deviant Succubus

Welcome to Elust 123

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #124? Start with the rules, come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Bittersweet Symphony

Breast cancer awareness – check your boobs

The devil is in the detail…

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Metamorphosis: Fat, Fit and In Between

Contraception- life without birth control

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Non-Fiction

Take It To The Limit
Marshmallows
Spank me Red
Custom Made Cuckold Porn

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Control
The Image (1975): The Celluloid Dungeon
Return to CMnf
Latex for the Curious – Catsuits
Negotiating a stunt cock
Ruby Ring Piece
13 reasons why I love play parties
You Got a Piercing Where?

Erotic Fiction

Alice’s Minotaur: A Ravishment Tale
Shadow of You
Punished
The Jealous Wife
What we both want
Rugby world cup I only care about the fucking
The Red Thread

Phyllis

When Phyllis punts, she wields the pole
With tiny hands in dainty style,
Inconsequently chatting while
We slowly move towards our goal.

When Phyllis punts, I long to lie
And idly watch her laughing face,
For seldom does such lisson grace
As hers delight a lover’s eye.

BUT what with thrusting skiffs aside,
Entreating pardons by the score,
And pushing off from either shore –
I’m far too fully occupied – when Phyllis punts!

I think he is dreaming of Phyllis’ punting! This was the back drop to our bed this week in Oxford. It seemed a shame not to take a fun picture!

Sinful Sunday