While writing this post on the deck of a ferry crossing from Spain to England, I wondered. How to habits form and then how do they become so ritualised. I wondered too, if some of what I describe as rituals aren’t just habits. But anyway, here goes.
Like most people, I have certain rituals by which I live my life. These are mainly related to getting up and dressed and getting ready for bed. I always wash my hair when I first get into the shower and then condition. Finally, I wash my body while I leave the conditioner on. I always put my contact lenses in before cleaning my teeth.
Master is more ritualised than me and he is more compelled to do things in a certain order. For me, it is not the end of the world if I do things differently but it puts him completely off his stride. He has suffered from OCD and while this is not a particular issue at the moment, I know it has been. I recognise there is no such thing as a ‘bit of OCD’ but thankfully his is under control right now. Still there are times when he needs to go and check doors are locked or the oven is off. Even whether he actually did clean his teeth. All I can do is encourage him in the memory of what I know he has done. But I never stop him from checking.
Our morning sex routine is quite ritualised and is something we often do since I stopped working. Indeed I am happy to say that our sex life has grown and developed in that time. This is because we have more time and no longer need to rush round in the morning, so this can be indulged.
We don’t have any particular M/s rituals other than the way our sex life is conducted. He is keen always to reiterate that I am his sex slave and while this flows into other areas of our life, these are not rituals as such. Instead they are things that we do for a while or every so often that enhance the M/s side of our relationship. For example, there are times when I kneel, or when I will wear certain clothes or go without underwear. Often at his request, but sometimes on my own initiative.
I think our life together has passed beyond tasks and rituals and any way there are enough things we do that are often the same. Mixing things up can be a pretty good thing. However as new habits form, there is no telling if they too may become the rituals of the future.
That is an interesting point about people with OCD – they are more likely to benefit form rituals and routines as the order and structure is important to them. Bringing new rituals to bear upon your life can obviously be a positive thing – particularly if they work for you both and yes who knows what habits are in the future xx