Introducing D/s into a vanilla relationship

This is something that I never did. When I started to read about Dominance and submission the one thing I knew deep down was that I didn’t want to try such a thing with my then husband. There are a number of reasons for this.

The relationship has run it’s course

We had been married for nearly 30 years when I strayed. The relationship had limped along for years, more a friendship than a love affair. Of course, it is inevitable that a long-lasting relationship will lack that first flush of passion. Ours involved very little sex by the end, but it was more fundamental than that. I actually began to dislike being together, living in the same house. The little irritations that had been there all along started to play on my mind and feel much bigger than they probably were.

When I began to look for more excitement in my sex life and for a different type of relationship I knew that he wouldn’t be able to give me what I wanted, no matter how hard we tried.

He is not able to be dominant and I don’t want to be

I’m as sure as I can be that my husband would have been amenable to trying D/s. But he really isn’t able to be dominant all of the time. No doubt I could have switched with him, but the more I discovered about D/s the more I knew that would never work. I craved someone who would not only take me in hand in the bedroom, but who would carry it through.

The benefit of time and a good M/s relationship has proved me right

Looking at my life now and the interactions I still have with my ex show me that I am right. Also my observation of his current relationship is that my ex’s new partner is the more dominant one. She has picked up where I left off and provides the guiding hand that I became so tired of providing.

I know that I need the dominance of my Master. I need him to provide me with structure and control. I need the sex life we have, one which is kinky and exciting. I want and need the play that he plans and controls.

I know that many people have moved from a long standing vanilla relationship into a D/s one. I know that the change has saved a number of relationships. But I am sure that it would have been a disaster for me and may have prevented me from finding the happiness I now have.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Elust #118

Elust 118 Header of My controlled ascent

Photo courtesy of My Controlled Ascent

Welcome to Elust 118

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #119? Start with the rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!  

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

I have daddy issues Processing Emotions about Polyamory Mirror Masturbation

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

V is for view Not Alone

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Negotiating “NO”   *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!  

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Tension

Erotic Non-Fiction

BDSM for Beginners My first time being co-topped The power of touch

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Hear My Confession Avengers Assemble #30DayOrgasmFun: Tapping Out

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

How I Started Moving Past Old Hurts #AtoZChallenge -X is for XXX Vanilla date #1: Incompatible-Awesome Confessions of an unruly slave

Writing About Writing

Relying on Email More Than Social Media

Erotic Fiction

His turn in the shower Sharp Beauty Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun Oxana, With Love Sixty Nine Steps Glorious garden fuck Actually, that’s what the dog-whip is for

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Don’t ask us to watch you wank for free.     Elust

Reflected

I am restrained on a swing. ankles and wrists secured by cuffs to chains attached to the ceiling. My image is reflected by the mirror above.

The play area at Stoxx wasn’t short of mirrors. So there was no shortage of ways for our image to be reflected. This is me, restrained and suspended in the swing. Reflected for Master to enjoy.

Sinful Sunday