Taking a risk

For most of my life I was decidedly risk averse. I looked for certainty and security, but I was frightened that if I took the wrong decision it would backfire and terrible things would happen. I was moribund by fear. Lately I have discovered that if you never take a risk then life may well pass you by. Opportunities will fall in the lap of others and you will be left wondering; What if?

I was just 21 when I married my childhood sweetheart. It was what was expected since we had already been together for 5 years. I had an inkling that this wasn’t going to be the best choice, but how do you get out of such a thing when everyone is in full preparation mode. I’m not saying we weren’t happy, because we were, for a while. But in hindsight it set me up for what was to come.

We waited to have children firstly because we were young and I was starting my nursing career. But mainly we wanted to be more financially stable. We only had one child because the level of financial stability required never actually happened. Plus, I didn’t trust my husband by then since he had already had an affair.

Speaking of which, I didn’t throw him out when he had the affair since I was frightened of being alone. Worried about what others would think or say.

I stayed in jobs longer than I should. While ambitious, staying in a safe job appealed more than applying for something that I might fail at.

I look back and wonder why I behaved as I did. Why it was I never took a risk, until the day I did.

Taking that first risk was a catalyst

In 2012 I decided to have sex with a man who wasn’t my husband. Having found someone online that I was attracted to, I went off and had sex with him. Actually there had been a few occasions before that. I had met up with a couple of men I’d met online for lunches, days out and a bit of a snog and grope. But when I went off to meet S in south London on that day in 2012, I went with the intention of having sex. He was the second man I had had PIV sex with in my life. He was also the first man I had anal with and the first man I had knelt before.

Once I had taken that first risk there was little to stop me. I embraced new experiences and decided to begin to put myself before the needs of others. That’s not to say I completely disregarded them, far from it. But it set me on the journey to discover what I was missing in life and how to make the changes I knew I needed.

It has taken 7 years but the end result is here and now. In many ways, again risk free. But at least I know what I want, what I need and what I can have from life. That is something of a difference.

Unique, Vanilla, Weekends

Unique

I wanted to write about the amazing and unique folks I have met in real life and encountered online as part of this blogging journey. From the start I found the support and encouragement provided by other bloggers was unrivalled. Many of the blogs I read in those early days have unfortunately gone. But the comments of those bloggers on my posts remain. It was through reading and commenting that led them to me. I can’t underestimate the importance of supporting each others work, of commenting and providing constructive feedback. So if you find a blog and visit regularly, then comment. You and they are a unique bunch of people.

Vanilla

I have a category on my blog labelled: Vanilla family life. There was a time when my life was clearly decided between my vanilla life and kinky pursuits. A time when I juggled family and relationships, work and play time. But as external elements to my current relationship fell away, so have the posts in that category.

Yesterday I met with my husband and agreed that finally we will divorce. It pains me that for so many years, I wrote that this day was imminent. Only to discover that another year went by and little seemed to have changed.

It is only now that I can look back and see that changes had been incremental and that the day would come when that part of my life would be complete. That day is almost here.

There will always be vanilla family times. I have responsibilities as a mother and daughter. But increasingly we live our life in the way we want. The balance has definitely shifted.

Weekends away

Weekends away are an important interlude when you are working. Indeed they still are. From the beginning of the blog I wrote about the fun that went with a weekend spent away from home, often in a hotel. The most memorable from the previous relationship with S was when we met up with another couple in Warwick. This included my one and only sexual encounter with another woman. It also included DP with her partner and S. I struggle to this day to express my feelings about it all, other than to say sensory overload occured. I guess it is still the kinkiest thing I have done.

When Master and I are away for the weekend we try to capture a Sinful Sunday opportunity along the way. That way we have a record of the lovely rooms, beautiful mirrors, bathrooms and other fun things that happen along the way.

Memories are made and recorded and sometimes blogged about later. These days though we don’t always have to go away at the weekend. Sometimes it might be a Monday night….

Elust 117

Photo courtesy of Master’s Eye

Welcome to Elust 117

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #118? Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!  

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dominant presence He Gripped Her Hand and Centered Her Being alone together.  

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

What the fig? Mind and body

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

O! or, errr… NO!: Orgasm Control in an F/m Dynamic   *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!  

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Fantasies Never Let You Down My First Love New Fun with Old Friends Sometimes coming joint second emotional disconnection, sex and loneliness People Don’t Talk about This Sh!t

Erotic Fiction

Waking the Fallen Daisy opera seria Catch the Catcher Club Dress Extended Dreams … (the Second : Arabian Nights) The orgasmic arch

Erotic Non-Fiction

The Five Senses of Sex A public beating Rope Dreams

Poetry

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Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Primal Regression and Submission 14 Qualities of a “Good” Dominant Balance in F/m voices

Events

Do I want you to hold my hand?

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Sex in Class That’s My Kink – All Hail The Nipple Clit

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Why I’m not smiling for IWD     Elust