Journal

Ever since I read the Diary of Anne Frank as a child I loved the idea of writing a diary or journal. Of course, the fact that Anne suffered and died as she did, mean that her writings have survived in a way none of us would wish. But as a young girl I loved the idea of revealing my thoughts and feelings within a written format. The trouble was that I didn’t have much to reveal, even to myself. Over the years I tried again and again but found my life dull, even to myself.

It wasn’t until I started blogging, early in the 2000s that I started to keep a more lasting record. Then I wrote reflective pieces about my work as a nurse as well as thoughts about the UK health system. Some of them were incredibly personal, but for some reason I felt more able to share with an anonymous internet than I could in a book. When, in 2012 I embarked on this journey, I deleted my work related blog. I feared the two being linked. I am sad that I didn’t just take them offline, but that’s another story.

Starting this blog

This is the third iteration of my submissive journey. I started it to document a whole new part of my life. While many of the first few posts were about specific events, I quickly began to create a deeper picture of my life. A journal.

Steve and I had met a couple of times, but it wasn’t clear that we would continue to do so. I began to chat online with a very intense young Dominant who somehow persuaded me to talk to him on a deeper level than I ever had before. It was a short relationship. But it was he who suggested I write a journal which would help me understand myself and where I thought I was heading. So I created a page where I did just that. This remains part of my blog and can be found here.

Over time I updated the page with links to posts that I felt related to my feelings. Looking back now, I can see that this is the closest to the journal I always wanted. For some reason writing in this format allowed me the freedom to write in a way I had always wanted.

I now have three pages that are essentially a chronological journal. Sometimes additions are added regularly (every week or two) but more often now, they are monthly.

Blogging versus writing a journal

Some blog posts are personal and lend themselves to being linked to the journal pages. But in the main they are not. Weeks and sometimes months go by when I feel life has just been happening. Blog posts are about specific topics or tell a story. Often they are not especially personal of profound, or they don’t feel like they are. However, when I go back to look, there is something that makes me feel I need to keep a record.

Many of the most recent f journal entries relate to my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. At that time I was thankful that I had this place to write my thoughts and feelings day by day. But then later to be able to link them to my current journal page.

Master and I both look back at what I have written from time to time. It helps to understand where I have come from and they journey we have both taken to now. It’s just that now is an ever moving place.

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12 Replies to “Journal”

  1. Like you, I have always wanted to keep a journal, but never succeeded, and then my blog more or less turned into a journal. Finally I have found a place to put my thoughts and experiences, and get people to read them. I think that’s what has been missing for me all those times I tried to write a journal: I wanted someone to read it…

    Rebel xox

  2. I tend to like the blogs that have a “journal” feel to them best. I like to know people’s real stories, because I think it is how we connect. Mine sort of lost that feel for a long time, and while I don’t just write what I do every day, I do use it to sort out my feelings on complex topics, and I appreciate when others show interest. I like blogs that do the same. Like yours.

  3. I understand what you mean – when you blog you may write a personal post about a particular time but it is not a “record” from the present – i have written diaries in my past but don’t keep them now. I don’t feel the need – whereas i did once, I still want to get my 1997 diaries up on my subdomain but sometimes it feels such an effort as they are not new – i am just coping them in and editing them. That’s why I stopped. I will go back when I have time – will check out your links xx

  4. I loved journaling when I was younger. I wrote about a lot of things and wrote stories as well. I pretty much stopped journaling when I started blogging in 2004. It served the same purpose.

    1. It definitely does. I think once I recognised that this is my blog and I can write whatever I like, then it became easier. I do keep a paper journal when I travel though.

  5. I’m glad that you were able to express yourself through a journal. When you mentioned that you feel that blog posts need to be about a specific topic, you could be the subject. There are people who blog about their lives to document specific parts of their life, like going to another country or something. Of all things to inspire you, I’m glad it was Anne Frank.

    1. I guess that’s what I do. But to keep the chronology of a journal I then link that post to my journey page. Thank you for visiting xx

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