Alone time

This week’s Food for thought Friday is about making time for yourself. I am fortunate that I am able to grab some alone time most weeks. It helps that the person I live with absolutely needs time to himself, just as I do.

How often do you make time for yourself?

This depends on what we have going on in a given week. Now I am not working I am able to spend more time doing all the things I love. But there is always a danger that you try to cram too much in. This must be why retired people exclaim that they don’t know how they found time to go to work.

Master and I do most things together. We shop, cook and watch films, go out to concerts and to the cinema. We travel to lovely places, wander through and around churches and galleries. One of the reasons I stopped working as soon as I could was so that I wasn’t constantly running out of annual leave or using up entire precious weekends.

So when we have a quieter week we both take advantage. Master tends to go into his study and until now I would be on the sofa with my lap top, or else reading. But I’ve decided to return to some form of work as well as to step up my blogging pursuits. So last week we went to Ikea and bought a desk and chair for me. We have installed this in a spare bedroom. Next we plan to put in some serious shelving so that my books, which are currently residing in the garage can come into the house.

What do you do to gain the most benefit from your “you time”?

For me (and also for him I think), it is about head space. When you are constantly in the company of others there is no time to just get into your own head. To think. We both also like silence sometimes and when we listen to music we have different tastes. So spending time apart is good.

Sometimes I will go for a walk during ‘my time’. This allows me to get some fresh air and exercise while also taking time to think and reflect.

The time we spend apart enables us to have stuff to talk about when we are together. It also means that we are both mentally refreshed for whatever activity we are planning.

How do you balance the time you devote to yourself and to others? Which do you prioritise? Why?

There was a time when everyone else in my life came first. My husband and son, work, parents. Gradually over the past few years this has changed. Leaving my house in the hands of my ex and his new partner signified a change for me. Then leaving work and of course having surgery last autumn forced changes upon me. I had no choice but to prioritise me and us.

My mum now lives 2 hours away. This means visits are planned and I tend to stay over night with her and travel back the next day. My son was married at Christmas and he and his wife live in the town I moved from. This is about 40 minutes away, so again our time together is more planned than it used to be.

There is a calmness to my life that wasn’t there before. At last there is balance. But I think I deserve the life, and the alone time I get to have for now.

Dominant

It wasn’t until I started to read about Dominance and submission that I realised I needed a dominant. And until I had been dominated in the bedroom I truly know that I am submissive. But I did and I am.

Back in 2012 I tackled the 30 days of submission meme. Day 26 asked what I was looking for in a dominant partner. I wrote this:

 i wanted my dominant to be well dominant. i wanted him to tell, not ask and essentially that is what i got. i wanted him to help me to push the boundaries and that is what i got. 

i wanted more sex, i wanted to try sex in ways i had never tried before, i wanted to submit. i wanted to dress for him, to parade myself for him, i wanted the humiliation and the excitement. i didn’t know i wanted to be restrained, to be spanked, clamped. But i do.

After my first D/s relationship ended, I knew I wanted another dominant partner. But experience told me that I needed someone who took D/s more seriously. Someone who would expect more from me, the submissive than I had previously experienced. That is exactly what I got.

In October 2014 I revisited the question in relation to my new relationship with Master:

Generally I feel His control all of the time. When we are together of course – He makes the decisions, though offers me choices. I don’t even always choose my own food when we eat out, let alone where we go. When I am on my own, I consider what He might think of my choices around the time I make them. Sometimes I consult with Him and He ‘advises’. Here though, I don’t feel it so easily.

What do I need from my Dominant now?

The main difference between then and now is clarity. We both know what our roles are and who is in charge. There is never a day now that I don’t feel his dominance, or for that matter my submission. Living together brought that clarity, but did having a 5 year relationship behind us. We have had great times together, but tough ones too. By giving up my house to live with Master and by leaving work my dependency on him increased. I never thought I would admit this, but I love the feeling of the power he has over me. I like that I am dependent on him in so many ways.

It is truly weird to write these words, since I struggled for so long to be the mistress of my own destiny. To have control over everything around me. I was quite the control freak.

But don’t imagine I am some weak and feeble individual. Indeed those who read my blog regularly know that already. But I don’t need to be in charge and don’t need to make all the decisions any more.

I am not completely compliant, far from it. I am frequently described as bratty. Usually I am pushing the boundaries, checking how far I can go. Of course there are times when I need to take care of him too and temporarily take over. When he is ill or a little drunk, for example. But in the main Master has the last word and I know that, he calls the shots. Usually he asks my opinion, but if he doesn’t then it is generally time to just get on with it.

I have chosen to live with a dominant man and by doing so I have discovered the true extent of my submission.

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