Experiences of bondage

I am kneeling on the bed my ankles in a spreader bar. There is a clamp attached to my labia. My wrists are cuffed.

Bondage has been part of my BDSM / kink experience since the beginning. Both of my dominants have enjoyed restraining me in one way or another and from the start I knew it was something I liked too. Their techniques, materials used and locations may have differed, but the experience for me is the same. I find restraint relaxing and freeing, so much so that I rarely find the need to struggle against it.

First experiences of bondage

S was into homemade equipment. Indeed he was into homemade everything, he was somewhat careful with his money. However that doesn’t detract from his skill and imagination. He loved being outdoors and was a keen hiker and cyclist, and a day out with him was always interesting. Along with the all weather picnic he carried rope, scarves and other equipment in his backpack. I can’t deny that I had some extremely fun times with him. It is a shame that there is no photographic evidence so show for those times.

A number of times, I found myself tied to a tree while he used my body or had me give him a blowjob. Back at home he had a fabulous bed with a frame that lent itself perfectly to tying me to it. Then he would use ties, of which he had a large often garish supply.

Even on the day he dumped me I had been tied up and used. Long time readers will know that there was a part two to that relationship. Even though the D/s ended, the kinky sex and restraint didn’t. We enjoyed that right until the last time we met.

Reflections on my experiences of bondage with Master

The very first time we played, I was restrained in a spreader bar, that was tied to the bed. My wrists were cuffed and restrained to the bed above my head. I was blindfolded and gagged. For the first time in a long time I allowed myself (if I had any control) to drift into sub space. Since then, I can honestly say I haven’t looked back.

At the beginning of our relationship I called Master gadget man. This is because he had a lot of equipment; restraints, vibrators, dildos, impact toys. Over the years his repertoire has continued to grow. One of the best experiences ever, was when we went to a private dungeon for an overnight stay. The equipment there was fantastic and took things to another level. This is an experience we will be repeating in a couple of weeks time.

But it isn’t all about equipment, whether high or low tech. There is more to bondage than that. At a club I might lean over, or lie on a bench unrestrained. But, even though Master is hitting me with floggers and canes, I don’t more (much). There is something about the situation that keeps me in position and prevents me from moving out of reach. I love the way that I am able to get into my submissive space even without physical restraint.

Emotional bondage

Finally I am tied to Master by the collar and cuff I wear and by my piercings. To me these are physical symbols of emotional bondage. I agreed to be his slave and in return I wear those signs. In the main they are noticeable only by us, especially the piercings. But they are there to tell the world that I am his. The knowledge that I am his slave helps me through each day, including the decisions I make. One of the rules of our relationship is that I consider what he would think when I make a decision. Am I doing what he would want, how will it affect us and our relationship, will it make him proud of me? I believe that this is the most important element of our M/s relationship.

Play is important, as is the type of kinky sex we have. But more important is that I stay true to myself and to him. That I am bonded to him in the way I am. Even though others can’t see those invisible restraints, they are there. They make me feel safe, loved and needed.

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My mentor

2014 was an amazing year. Master and I got together and started our journey together. It was also a very difficult year as when we met Master had another slave. She lived in the US and was planning to join him at some point in the future. The full story can be found here. 2014 is also the year my father died and at the time life at home was stressful. My ex was still living at home for part of the week. Thankfully that was also the year that I met Destiny, online and then in person. For a while Destiny was my mentor.

The dictionary definition of mentor is: an experienced or trusted advisor, Destiny was certainly that. We met online in the same chat room I had met Master, interestingly he was providing some mentorship to her too. Very quickly we started to chat through messenger and then moved to Skype. She has many years of experience within M/s relationships and at the time I was a novice submissive. I had already realised that my time with S had been about play and sex, while my new one with Master felt different. To begin with I had thought I could get to know K, Master’s LDR slave. But very soon it became clear she was not only jealous of me but also very insecure in her life and relationship. 3 months into our relationship, Master went over to the US for a 3 week holiday to see K. This was when my friendship with Destiny really took off and she became my advisor and mentor too.

Spending time together online

The time distance between UK and Florida versus UK and Oregon is much easier to manage. Plus Master was often out of contact for days whereas Destiny wasn’t. She was also in a long distance relationship with a guy in the UK, but somehow we still managed to fit in long Skype chats. My anxiety levels about K were already high, there had been some unpleasant messages and emails and now she was with my Sir (as he was then). Destiny was the one who talked me through my most anxious times, and offered me reassurance. We were able to discuss my feelings about him and them. Her previous experience in a polyamorous relationship was invaluable. She reads taro cards and did so for me, I still have the email she sent me with my reading. She always believed Master and I would end up together, though at the time I found it difficult to believe.

When he returned from the US the situation with K deteriorated both for me and for Master. His visit had been a challenging one and she took her anger out on me. Luckily I had Destiny to turn to for support.

Meeting face to face

During the summer my friend Destiny came over to the UK to visit her own Master. We were lucky enough to meet in person twice. Unfortunately our Masters didn’t hit it off in the same we had. But we had a lovely afternoon together and I have photographic evidence of that time. We also met up for a drink without Master on another occasion. I treasure those times very much.

The value of having a mentor

Our online and Skype friendship continued once Destiny had returned to Florida and she helped me through the last few months before Master ended his relationship with K. It was a challenging time for us both, but having someone who understood helped so much. She was also able to support me when my dad was dying, she too had gone through a similar situation with her own parents.

But it wasn’t all one way traffic. Her own relationship his difficult times and then he suddenly announced he was letting her go. Thankfully I was able to provide an ear to listen, though sadly not a shoulder to cry on, given the distance.

Soon after we lost contact for a while. she entered a relationship where outside involvement wasn’t welcome. I was left feeling upset and a little lonely when my messages went unanswered. We have since re-established communication, but sadly the special relationship is gone. I will always treasure those months though and the hours we spent together online and in person. I will always value the help Destiny gave me and know that the fact Master and I are still together is in part due to her.

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