Relationships – F4TF

I do love to keep up with the various memes, but with the added pressure of February Photofest I am struggling this week. So, this is going to be a bit briefer than usual. Food 4 Thought Friday is about relationships.

Casual sex, dating, friends with benefits, hook-up, one night stand, fuck-buddy; have you ever had one (or more) of these arrangements? What is the difference?

I am not the most experienced of daters, since I was married to the same man for 30 years. But I have dated without sex (during my marriage), had a hook up with a man that led to a relationship (see below) and then to us being fuck buddies. I guess some people set out to have a specific type of date / arrangement but for me it is an after the fact thing. I only know what it turned out to be once it was done.

What is the most interesting way you ever met a partner?

Back in the 90s people contacted each other by placing an advertisement in the local newspaper. My husband was ‘working away‘ a lot at the time and I was fed up and lonely. I didn’t meet a partner. But I did form a friendship with a local guy for a while. He told me my husband definitely wasn’t ‘working away’ and he was right! He and I never had sex but he was great company.

Have you ever had a hook-up become a relationship? How do you know that it had happened?

My first D/s encounter with S was meant to be a hook up. But we enjoyed ourselves so much it turned into more. That and I was keen and willing to travel. I know now that if I hadn’t, it would have fizzled out much sooner than it did.

How would you tell a potential partner you want a non-monogamous or D/s relationship? If you are already in one, how did it evolve?

I don’t think non-monogamy is for me, since I was in that kind of relationship and it ended badly. The other woman brought out tendencies in me I didn’t like. I don’t really desire another man as such. I think that if we wanted to introduce others it would be for play only. We are already in a D/s relationship so I don’t need to ask for that.

If your relationship is poly, what is its principal dynamic? Do you have a primary? A few fuck buddies? Is everyone equal? Does everyone know?

It isn’t – see above. There wasn’t much time for people to know about the poly relationship as it only lasted a few months. I was the second and didn’t take to it much.

What does your ideal relationship look like? Are you already in it?

I’m happier than I have been for a long time, if ever. So yes, I’m in it.

What submission means to me

Last week I joined the SafeworD/s Club a chat community and website run by Missy and His Lordship. This is a great resource for both new D/s couples and also those who have been around for longer. I joined the live chat session and hope to get back soon. It was great to share experiences and find out more about everyone. I urge you to go take a look. They are also running a new Meme; Tell Me About, which started this week. The first topic is submission.

Throw-back Thursday photo from 2016

I have written about my submission many times. In fact, 177 times in the past I have labelled a post ‘submission’. Not surprising since I have been writing about this journey of mine for almost 7 years.

In the beginning

I didn’t really know what I was letting myself in for, nor did I really know what submission was (or what it wasn’t). My knowledge essentially came from books provided through my kindle in a pre 50 shades world. Many were just as unrealistic as that particular tale, often depicting a very young woman hooking up with a mega rich dominant. The more I read though, the more I realised that there was something in there for me. Mainly a world where I wouldn’t have to be the one to make all of the decisions and one where there would be sex and a lot of it. I didn’t know back then if I would enjoy the other elements such as pain and restraint. It turned out I did.

Immediately I started my first D/s relationship, I knew I should write about it. I must have had some kind of inkling that there would be no turning back and that has proved to be the case. I don’t want to go back over those early feelings (given I have written so much about them), but the archives, with links from the early days are here.

What my submission means to me now

Submission is now a way of life. It isn’t something that happens to me when we have sex, I am restrained or being flogged. Though they certainly enhance it. Instead it is more of a mindset. Something I consider when I am going about my daily life. I have agreed to serve my dominant, my Master. So, I try to think about him and what he wants and needs throughout the day. This is easier since I gave up work and actually since my cancer diagnosis.

Before, there were many competing priorities. Sometimes I felt I should be putting him first but felt I couldn’t. Many times I knew I should prioritise my own well being, but didn’t. Even when he told me I should.

During the first few weeks after I moved in with him, there was a period of adjustment. I struggled to work out who I was and what I wanted. But gradually things fell into place. I relaxed into the role we carved out for me and I began to feel calmer and more at peace with myself than I have for a very long time. If ever.

It is difficult to say what exactly is different. Just that it feels it. A bit like when you live with someone before marriage and then have a wedding. Something changes, but you are not sure what. In many ways we are a partnership, cooking and tackling household chores together. We are out a lot as we pursue cultural interests, enjoy good food and wine and we travel a lot. We also give each other space, but be communicate too and maybe that is the crux of things. Ensuring we can express not only what we want and need, but what we feel about those things. I serve him but am not waiting on him hand and foot. He has the last word, but cares for my needs deeply. Plus he washes up, makes my morning coffee and can cook too.

Ever since he named me MPB, Master has called me his pleasing and pleasure bitch. Lately he has been calling me his precious bitch. When he takes my submission it provides him with the power he needs. But we also trust each other implicitly to take care of each other. Lately he has been doing rather more of that and for once in my life I have allowed that to happen. Perhaps, at last I am happy in my submissive self. Cared for, loved and precious.

tellmeabout
February Photofest