Taste and decency

Perceptions of taste and decency change over time. Many of us have (or had) Tumblr accounts, certainly before the recent policy change. Their ban on ‘adult content‘ seeks to exclude anything deemed pornographic – in particular photos and videos showing human genitals and female presenting nipples. Although I downloaded my Tumblr content and have uploaded it elsewhere, I still have my tumblr account. Soon after the ban came into force I went through and removed most content deemed unsuitable. I appealed one photo which just showed my neck and shoulders, no nipples.

Since then my posts have continued to automatically upload, with some surprising results. This was deemed unsuitable, while this wasn’t. They use AI algorithms which are meant to highlight what doesn’t meet the new regulations and leave the rest. Art is meant to be ok as is breast feeding and mastectomy scars. I presume I’d need to keep my other breast hidden if I wanted to post a photo of the latter though.

Art galleries are full of pictures of people’s naked and semi naked bodies and what is acceptable and desirable changes. Sometimes due to fashion and other times due to rules on decency. The photo below is of a painting called Phyllis and Demophoön, by Edward Burne Jones. In 1870, it was deemed distasteful, both for the full frontal male nudity and androgynous nature of the figures. This seems strange now, because it is art and anyway his genitals are rather difficult to see. I wonder though if it is ok for Tumblr.

February Photofest

Thoughts of distress

Do you now find, or have you ever found, anything distressing or uncomfortable about your sexual thoughts, fantasies, desires, or actions? Is there anything that you want or need that you have trouble asking for or are reticent to admit because it makes you blush? Have you had any experiences that have caused you embarrassment?

For an apparently liberated woman, my mother was oddly repressed. Especially when it came to discussing sex and relationships with us children. She was keen that I didn’t sleep with my boyfriend, mainly because that way I wouldn’t get pregnant. She used to tell me and my brothers not to touch ourselves, I don’t know why. What I am sure about it that they ignored her, but I did as she said, at least for a while. The thought of upsetting her caused me more distress than not doing what I wanted.

The embarrassment of youthful sexual feelings and desire are long gone. But there is still something a little repressed about me. Even the me who is willing to strip naked for her lover before he applies restraints and then photographs her. I still find it difficult to ask for what I want and need. Half the time this is because I really don’t know and the other half because of some long held belief that it is wrong for girls to ask. Good and nice girls that is.

Back in the early days of marriage I was probably more forward with my desires. But later on after he had watched porn videos I struggled with the idea I should copy anything ‘those girls’ did. I do still have a problem with that. Master will sit watching porn on his phone and if it looks or sounds too false to me I find it a little embarrassing. Something deep inside me says, don’t look at that, it’s wrong. But of course it isn’t wrong and it is only as false as any acted film. The thing that I hate is the noises some of the participants make which seem incredibly fake. But who am I to judge whether they make those sounds when having sex with their boyfriends.

I am sure the subliminal and implicit messages from parents stay with us. My mum is and always was a strong influence in my life, not always in a good way. Even now, I often worry too much about what she thinks. Partly because she expresses her opinion so strongly. Even in my mid 50’s I find it difficult not to be affected by her. This is clearly stupid since my life is my own to live and anyway who cares what she would think. Mum has the habit of making me feel like I’m 15 again, with one short and cutting sentence. Thank goodness she has no idea I have a sex blog and take part in the activities I do. My history with mum meant that I found it difficult to talk about sex with anyone, including friends and my husband!

Thankfully now I have a relationship where discussing sex is required. To a great extent I have shaken my repression off. Writing this blog helps, because here I can write about an experience and then Master will use it as a source of discussion. I also have real life friends these days with whom I can speak. But strangely it is easier for me to discuss BDSM and kink than it is actual sex.

I guess it is difficult to shed the psychological influences of our teenage years. It certainly has been for me. Does this distress me? Not really, I am more frustrated. About the baggage I still carry and also the way I still allow my mum to control me. That isn’t all sex related but it is definitely part of the issue.

At the end of the evening

When even the London streets are deserted it is an ideal time to take a few photos. You might notice that this is from the same evening as ‘come join the party’ a Sinful Sunday post 2 weeks ago. This time I am using the bottle (now empty) to shield myself from the gaze of the camera. It is late and I am ready for bed and Master who waits for me there. But in those last few moments, there is still the chance someone might see me from below.

February Photofest

Elust #115

Elust 115 Header Image of Kaetteroo in a steamy mirror nude

Photo courtesy of Katteroo

Welcome to Elust 115

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #116? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!  

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Your Loss Ask for It

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Two Explorers Sweet Child of Mine

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

{Na}Scent Traces   *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!  

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

The Long Shadow Asleep on the job Self-care: am I dating myself? Love, Lust & Living with the Man of my Dreams

Erotic Non-Fiction

The Space Between Australia Day Bukakke In Her Panties Sensuality and the senses Happy New Year Technical Sex: Control Give and take

Erotic Fiction

Brat Worth the Trouble Panty Thief Twisted Fairy Tale #4 Hans & Greta PJ’s Horseshoe I Lay Beside You

Poetry

The Rider

Body Talk and Sexual Health

What is normal? Less Sex, Less Drive

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Not Micromanaging My Pleasure The bdsm baby blues Meeting a sub… or not

Writing About Writing

5 Things to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

UK law removes anti-bdsm rules     Elust

Symbol

The main symbol of my submission, that I am Master’s slave is my collar. Mostly I wear the same titanium collar and rarely remove it. You can see it in most of the photos of me, taken in the last 4 years or so. For Christmas Master presented me with a new collar. Something to wear on special occasions, given its weight. The photo below was taken at the end of January. For most of that month I had been unable to wear anything around my neck because of my radiotherapy treatment. That finished on 31st and so when we went to our local munch that evening I wore my Christmas collar. A symbol of his ownership of me and that I am his slave.

Sinful Sunday
February Photofest

Fit for Friday in February

There was no time last weekend for a fit for Friday post. After a quiet January, we burst into February with a vengeance. There have been old films to see, concerts to attend and a couple of gallery exhibitions. We are culturally on top of our game. But this meant a lot of meals out, wine and beer. Enjoyable but not necessarily conducive to weight loss.

Diet and fitness

We’ve had some great meals out as well as in. When we are home we try to eat healthily, and include lots of vegetables. When out though it is difficult because even when you think you are choosing wisely it can still turn up smothered in oil. Mind you, being out and about lends itself to tons of walking and an improved step count. Unfortunately one doesn’t cancel out the other, so the net gain over all has been another pound. Today though my weight stayed the same so perhaps I can turn things around next week. Steps averaged 7000, with some highs of 12,000 and more. But there are some post radiotherapy lows that have definitely got in the way.

Health

They tell you that the after effects of radiotherapy continue for a few weeks following treatment. Also that effects are cumulative. They aren’t joking. I am now 16 days post end of treatment and am as sore as someone who lay in the sun for 14 days without sun lotion. Worse, much of the burnt area is under my right arm. It is red, bruised and bow the skin is peeling. On Wednesday I went back to the hospital for advice and dressings. I know this will pass, but it is seriously unpleasant. I am also tired and fed up.

Luckily we are off on holiday in a week and to be frank I cant wait. I’m hoping that by the time we get home I’ll be ready to step up the steps and exercise in general and lose so e weight.

Wayback when

I have a few photos that were taken before I regularly posted anything of myself. Wayback then, I was a little more worried about showing pictures of myself. Especially those of me in a somewhat compromising situation. Things have changed over the years.

This photo was taken at the very beginning of our relationship, almost exactly 5 years ago. At the end of our second or third playdate (I think). What you can’t see here (and I might show it another day) is my red pussy which had just been pumped. Not only did he clamp my nipples, but also used the zipper and spreader bar. The intensity of pain and of pleasure that day is something I can still remember even though I am short on details. It may have happened wayback when, but this is the first time I have shared this photo here.

February Photofest

Love lock

I’d always wanted my labia pierced. But until Master came along, I didn’t have the nerve. He was keen to know and understand my kinks and it wasn’t long before I told him about this one. The idea of wearing a chastity devise, that locked my labia together was something I’d dreamed of. A love lock if you will. That and a man who shared a desire to control my orgasms. It soon became clear he was that man.

Today, I am wearing his love lock. 2 large rings protrude from my labia and within the folds of my vulva, the clitoral hood is also pierced. A padlock secures the larger rings in place. The pressure on my clit is immense and I am on edge most of the time. I long for release, but equally I love the forced abstinence. I am forbidden to touch, but at every opportunity Master slips a finger through the gap between my pussy lips and teases. He only unlocks me when desires to use me. Thankfully that is often. He can’t get enough of his locked in love.

Photo from unknown tumblr blog before such photos were removed.

Sexual style

I’ve never really considered if I have a sexual style, never mind what it is. But I guess that just as I have altered my hair style over the years, there have been changes when it comes to my sexual style. In the past, I was some what repressed and while I had fantasies, they weren’t something I discussed. Even with my husband, though he would have liked it if I had.

When it comes to sex, I like to be led

Before I knew I was submissive I wanted my man to take the lead. I wanted to be told what to do. Trouble was, I wasn’t very good at expressing my needs. Instead, I needed someone who knew what they wanted. I certainly have that now. Master does like me to tell him what I want, but if I can’t or won’t he is perfectly able to take control (as you would expect).

I like to exhibit my sexuality to others

I love to show off, it is who I am. An extrovert by personality, while I don’t always appear so to strangers, once comfortable in their presence, I like to perform. Master uses this to his advantage and gets me to show myself in public for his pleasure. Many of my photos involve me undoing my top or showing off my bum or cunt to him. Often there is no one to see, but sometimes there is, though they tend not to notice. I love to stand in front of the window naked, but again people don’t often look up. I also love to be naked under my clothes, for easy access and exhibitionism.

The clothes I wear demonstrate my sexual style

My preference is tops and dresses that show some cleavage. This is a little more difficult since my mastectomy, but I have discovered that showing some lacy bra is fine too. I prefer to wear my skirt shorter, I’m not all that keen on midi length. My legs are still reasonable, though a bit fatter at the top than they were, or I’d like. But, I’m not averse to wearing shorts in summer or a shortish skirt. This winter I tend to have hidden myself under leggings and jumpers, and am looking forward to spring and fewer clothes. Heels are not my thing. I am tall (taller than Master) and I really do like comfort over style. But if I own lots of shoes and boots (something I only realised when I packed my stuff to move last summer).

My writing helps me express myself

This blog and twitter have allowed me to express myself in a way I didn’t expect. I enjoy writing about my experiences and constructing fiction. My journey into this M/s relationship and kink has been liberating. While I still struggle to articulate my thoughts about it into spoken work, I can express myself through my blog. The sexual being I am comes though loud and clear. And that can’t be a bad thing.

Throwback Thursday – The exhibitionist
February Photofest