This s the third year that I have participated in Blogging A-Z. This year i am going to try to make my topics a little more mainstream. They will, however clearly link to kink and may on occasion be NSFW.
D is for Decision making
In an around about way this post is about Dominance and submission. But in particular how they relate to decision making.
I believe I am naturally submissive, and when I appear dominant that is learned behaviour. Being an older sibling, being an extrovert not frightened of speaking her mind and marrying someone unable to make decisions helped. I always preferred that others make decisions especially where they are important and potentially life changing. However since I am not keen on actually being ‘told’ what to do, I haven’t exactly been pushed around . If you won’t be told what to do and at the same time need to decide something then you have to make the decision yourself. Added to that, if you live with someone who hates making decisions and goes out of his way to avoid doing so, then you are pretty much stuffed.
This then, is how I lived my life, unsurprisingly I was often miserable. At work, I took leadership roles, improved my knowledge and over time experience in my chosen field. I felt comfortable making decisions, but found that each days work to be tough, tiring. Not always physically, but emotionally. And then, I would come home, take care of a child and a husband. To get the adult I lived with to decide where to go on holiday or persuade him go out with friends and family was worse. So I took many decisions out of his hands and that often led to conflict between us.
There was more to the failure of our relationship than my being a natural submissive who needed a dominant, but it didn’t help. When I decided to end the marriage I had already dipped my toe into a D/s relationship. Meeting Master only confirmed my initial instincts.
Being part of a M/s relationship
Decision making now is a shared experience. Of course there are many areas of life that I need to retain control of. But when it comes to life changes these are discussed and shared. I still don’t much like being told what to do, but Master has a way of exerting his view and authority without me feeling he is doing so. He is gentle and patient with me, which helps, though we have our moments. He really does hate being told what to do and so I can’t get away with some of the behaviours I used with my ex. That is a very good thing, since I wasn’t always fair on him.
The key now is that I can be myself and I have someone to make decisions with me and often for me. Increasingly I like that.