Finishing off the 30 days of kink

If there was one thing about myself that I would love to change it would probably be to see things through to the end. I am pretty good with ideas, and I am very good at starting a project. But I am less good at actually finishing it. At work, I often find myself losing interest if the going gets a bit tough or others aren’t as enthusiastic as me. But generally because it is part of my working life and it is what I am paid to do, I make sure that I push on to the end. 
At home I am not always quite so committed. If a book begins to get dull or isn’t well written I invariably give up on it. If a blog post fails to look and feel right I might park it or even delete. This morning I realised that while in 2015 I started the 30 days of kink meme, getting to day 19, I never actually finished it. Since I want to do some tidying up on the blog and move the 30 days of kink onto the meme page, I have decided to get on and finish it off (rather than delete or leave it unfinished. So here goes:
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand
There are a few things to be curious about, for example how does it feel to be tied up in a shibari rope and suspended above the floor? What would it be like to be flogged in public? Equally there are things I am not keen on and don’t really get, for example needle play – why would you want to do it and what pleasure would there be in it? Still I never say never about anything, but I will never be first in the queue to try needle play.
Day 21: Favourite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
I have read a number of BDSM related books over the years, both fiction and non-fiction. Indeed when I began this journey, I found that they helped me to find out the kink that I thought I might be interested in. Even with the contents of my kindle to hand, it is difficult to remember all of them; some are much better written and more believable than others.
In terms of fiction, I enjoyed the Rescue Me Saga, written by Kallypso Masters which started with Masters at Arms & Nobody’s Angel  and the Brie series, by Red Phoenix which started with Brie’s Submissive Training  
My first ever non fiction book was the New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy, which I still rate very highly.
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
A healthy relationship takes work by both parties. Whether vanilla or BDSM there is a need for good communication, particularly the ability to listen and understand each other. There is a need to give and take, to care for each other. Some friends of mine once said that a successful relationship needs sex, love and friendship in equal measure.
The nature of a BDSM relationship means that you also must respect each other, there must be trust and communication is perhaps more important. It is difficult to know if the fact that we talk to each other, consider each others feelings and respect each other more than ever was the case with my ex has anything to do with it being a Master slave relationship. We have come into this knowing what we wanted from each other, and over time we have settled into a routine that suits us. 

Our lifestyle might appear vanilla to some, but M/s and kink is never far below the surface of our life. 
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
I have learnt that there is no right or wrong when it comes to kink and that no two relationships function in the same way. I recognise that I need to feel Master’s control over me, I need him to be in charge. I increasingly find decision making difficult and that my preference is for him to make them for me. That isn’t to say I am unable to function or that I don’t make decisions for myself, it is just my preference. 3 years ago I had no real idea what being a slave might mean. Funnily enough I thought I knew about myself and my submission and about submission in general. But it turns out I was and am still learning. As they say, you are never too old to learn, or it turns out to change. 
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
I have never looked for a partner, or really been clear what I would be looking for if I were. There have really only been 3 serious relationships in my life and I have been lucky that all 3 have been with caring men. Now though I am probably happier than I ever have before and that is because this man meets my needs in so many ways. He is kind and considerate and my needs are pretty near the front of the queue. He has a great sense of humour, and we laugh a lot. He is intelligent, and well read and trying to keep up with him on any kind of level stretches my own mind. He is perceptive and that means he is very good at also stretching my body and my list of kinks. 
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
I am not at all open with the vast majority of people partly because I don’t believe it is their business and also because I doubt they would understand. I don’t particularly want to be judged. However if someone asked me about it and I felt that they truly wanted to know I would tell them. I feel lucky to have a few friends who I can speak openly to, but in the main its just Master and I. 
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play? 
I can hardly be against it since that is really how Master and I met. On alt.com almost exactly 3 years ago we met in a chat room, where there was lots of online play going on. I quite enjoyed it, but always knew it was just a bit of fun. Some people take it far more seriously, but then they probably aren’t going to meet the people they play with in real life. We still used to visit the chat room once we had met, but online play then felt a bit ridiculous and even though he hadn’t said that I couldn’t play with other men, I really didn’t want to. Finally the chat activities on that particular site changes and the rooms became less popular, anyway our own relationship in real life developed to an extent that we no longer needed to go there. 
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Of course, my life isn’t spent separating its various elements and doing one thing at a time. The only area where there is no overlap is with work, and family stuff. In everything else yes. For example we love to travel, and there are lots of times when I will be dressed to please him and that will lead to some kinky play while we are out and about. 
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Master has bought me a number of leather outfits, a spanking skirt, waistcoats, and some harnesses that I sometimes will wear for our play times. Other times I will be naked. It’s really up to him in the main.
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title(eg mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, Sir)? What is your opinion of these titles in general?
My title is girl. That’s what Master calls me most of the time, only occasionally calling me by my given name. Sometimes he will call me slut, or more often get me to call myself slut, or whore or some other. I have no problem with any of these words or titles. It feels ok when I say them and I guess I am just used to it.
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

I am not sure there is anything else to say and if anything springs to mind I will add it in.

365 Questions – 13th January

What did you have for dinner today?

Tonight, as it’s Friday we are together. I cooked a rather nice (even if I say it myself) Lamb Tagine. I won a tagine cooking pot in a raffle at my slimming club before Christmas and today got the ingredients together to make the dish. Along with cous cous it made a great meal. Sadly I didn’t take a photo, but here is the recipe.

365 Questions – 11th January

What is your favourite accessory?

We discussed this question last night. Master is already bored with this whole 365 question thing and he isn’t even compiling the answers. What constitutes and accessory, he asked. 

I had my own ideas, but checking the online dictionary told me that an accessory is: A thing added to something else to make it more useful, versatile or attractive. 

So if my neck were the thing then a scarf, when it is cold would be useful. 

A necklace would be attractive.

A slave collar? What is that?



Useful? Versatile? Attractive?

To Master, perhaps all three. Useful to signify that I am his slave. Versatile since it can be pulled, pushed and generally used for his pleasure. Attractive since he loves to see me wearing it. 

For me, it just tells me who and what I am. It tells those who want and care to know who I belong to. For others it is an interesting piece of jewellery. 

An accessory.

But truly a necessity to me.

So these questions might be dull but I will carry on and to the best of my ability will try to apply them to my kink, to my slavery. 


365 Questions – 10th January

What made you smile today?

The post I just wrote and posted, about the year ahead made me smile. The fact will we be able to spend more time together, that I will be able to express my submission and be the slave he wants me to be made me smile. 

What more is there for now?

Anticipating the year to come

Just over a week into the new year, and our holiday to Belgium behind us I am now thinking about the year ahead. While I am not necessarily a person who wholly believes in things like numerology, horoscopes or other things psychic,  I do kind of want to believe the idea that 2016 was the year of endings and 2017 about a new start.

It is coming up to 5 years since I began my original journey, over 4 since my ex discovered that I was not the happy bunny he thought I was and almost 3 since I met Master. I think the length of time that has elapsed is enough to know that the procrastination needs to stop and I really do need to get on with life.
Increasingly I feel sad when Master and I have been together for a prolonged period and then have to separate and go to our own homes. This week is no exception. I want to be with him, and need to get on with making that happen. During the second half of last year we completed quite a lot of work in my house and garden, all in preparation of my selling the house. There is now very little to do before the house can go on the market. I anticipate that the process will not be without its stresses, and don’t under estimate the sadness I will feel when I leave. My house is less cluttered that Master’s place. He is working on making it less so, but there is a way to go. Then there is the fact that the house will be his and not mine, though of course there is no reason that it won’t become home to me, but it will take time.
BUT.
Living together will mean that we can get on with living our life together in the way we wish. That our Master / slave dynamic can become a greater element of our lifestyle. It will mean that I can express my submission more overtly and he can do the same with his Dominance. Master has bought me many erotic items of clothing that I get little opportunity to wear because of our current living arrangements.
We will be able to have more sex. As we get older, we need more time for sex, our libido in general has dropped. While the idea is often great our bodies sometimes take longer to respond. Don’t get me wrong we pretty frequent, kinky and very enjoyable sex, but we are definitely restricted by not being together every night.
There is an economic perspective to this too. Living costs for 2 people are much less than double that of 1. That means we can visit more places, do more things and generally enjoy life.
Finally we will be happier together than we are apart and happiness, contentment and a feeling of well being is much healthier. If I think back 5 years I don’t think I even knew how unhappy I was, much less how content I could be.
Just before Christmas, Master and I went to a drinks party at the house of one of his neighbours. He made a comment that when he sees Master on his way into town he often has a smile on his face and appears happy. That, he said, wasn’t always the case.
I anticipate a great year ahead. I think we both do.

365 Questions – 9th January

What is your current favourite snack?

Generally when it comes to snacks I prefer something savoury such as peanuts, crisps or some kind of cheesy biscuit. I would happily eat all three, plus some cheese.

But while I love to eat those things I try not to snack on them very often. We have just had the Christmas holidays followed by our trip to Belgium. I have nibbled on far too many salty and cheesy snacks, especially while having a glass of wine or beer. 

So my favourite snack for the coming weeks will be some fruit, such as a banana, orange or perhaps some melon. Definitely healthier and certainly part of my food plan.

365 questions – 8th January

What was the last ‘good’ thing you ate?

That depends on the definition of good. If good means healthy then the omelette and salad I had for lunch yesterday would come pretty close. It was pretty tasty, but if by good we mean great food, cooked and served well then I have had a number of meals that could be described in that way this week. 

We are just back from Belgium having spent 4 nights in Brussels and another in Ieper in Flanders. All the meals we ate while away were pretty good, the Belgiums can definitely match the French for cuisine. However, my favourite would be this one, a beautiful, simple steak with some excellent fries, washed down with a good bottle of wine. 


Another week another hotel bathroom

Not as glamorous as the bathroom in last week’s shot, but it has all that’s necessary. Congratulations Molly on 300 editions of Sinful Sunday.

 

365 Questions- 7th January

Can people change?
I am of the opinion that given education, the opportunity to develop and grow and a willingness to make changes to the the way they live their lives then change is possible. However, far too often people don’t want to act differently, they want the world to conform to their ways. One thing I know though, is that you cannot make others change and you are foolish to try. I know, I tried for far too many years. 

I am currently in Brussels with Master, enjoying a wonderful, if cold few days. He knows the things he likes to do and I know the things I like to do. However, I don’t currently have the interest or the bank balance for serious shopping, nor do I need anything in particular. I am enjoying the museums, the architecture and the beer, not that if I were on my own I would have chosen them all. Life is about give and take though and if I wanted to go shopping he would be with me. Compromise is a better solution than trying to exact change

365 Questions- 6th January

What possession could you not be without?

This has to be my phone. I currently have an IPhone 6s and have to admit to using it for something or other constantly. When I first had a mobile/ cell phone I only actually switched it on when I wanted to make a call or text someone. Later once my son had a phone, I began to keep it on during the day. I also had a blackberry for work in those days. Now I use my phone as a work and social diary, to keep lists, search online, message, as a sat navigation system and sometimes I even make a call! I am writing this post on my phone as I am currently in a place with no wifi.