What made today unusual?
Unless we are away somewhere or it is some kind of holiday time I wouldn’t usually eat dinner with Master on a Monday. Today though, he was in town for the afternoon and so we met up after I had finished work and had a meal in a restaurant together. The place was supposed to be German themed, and certainly the beer and food menus suggest a German flavour. However, Master’s schnitzel wasn’t as good as either of us have tasted in Germany. Plus his chips were rather like boulders of potato, fried (apparently 3 times). I had calves liver and mash, which was nice. I don’t know if this is German, but nevertheless it was good. We had a good wine, which was Romanian, but over all the meal was a disappointment and was certainly over priced. We did however enjoy some people watching and got to try some where new.
Still, it was great to meet and to eat together on a Monday night, next time though we may choose somewhere less pretentious, somewhere less pricey and with better food!
Today I wish I had more ……
Tone in my breasts. But I am a menopausal woman who is approaching 55 years of age. When I touch myself these days the flesh beneath my fingers feels soft and spongy rather than firm. This change is more noticeable when I am lying on my back, when the force of gravity causes them to fall away to the sides. The skin, once smooth and free of blemishes is puckered and if you look closely there are stretch marks. Signs of a time when I carried more weight and also the time when I was breastfeeding and my breasts swelled with milk.
But, all is not lost. They are a decent size and when I stand they retain sufficient tone that they are yet to droop down to my waist. Master loves to hold them in his hands, to pull and suck my nipples and he adores the piercings. We both love the piercings, the very first thing we did as a sign of my submission and his ownership of me and my body. When I wear a supportive, but well cut bra I know that I still look like a woman with a good pair of tits, or jugs as he often calls them.
My breasts may have lost tone, and they may be soft and squidgy rather than firm to the touch, but they are still a reasonable asset. Even if I had the money, I don’t think I would seek to change them, to enhance them, pretend I was 20 years younger. They are part of who I am.
What is the hardest thing you are dealing with?
In comparison with some other times of my life nothing is so hard at the moment. In myself I am happier than I have been so often in the past. My job is going well and though I am busy I am getting recognition for the things I am doing.
Without wanting to tempt fate, my mum’s health is good and though lonely, she is coping with her life without my dad. She is considering downsizing and also thinking about making that move to be nearer to my brother. He lives in an area where housing prices are lower since it is further away from London.
I am enjoying my time at my slimming club and have made friends there. I need to focus much more on actually losing some more weight, but it is not a massive deal. I plan to explore becoming a slimming consultant, and wonder whether ultimately that might be the part time job I need on top of my NHS pension, but we shall see.
Master and I are approaching our 3 year anniversary and things are going well. We admit we need to explore our kinky life a little more, and will try to make 2017 the year for that. I want to develop my blog and have my own domain and WordPress installed but am struggling with moving everything over. I need to spend some time and learn a bit about that side of things. Then I want to try to write some fiction. I am hoping our trip to Eroticon will help with those things. I think perhaps that is the hardest thing and since that isn’t really so bad, I have very little to worry about!
My curent favourite website is…..
There is no absolute favourite place. I visit a variety of places during a day, depending on what I am looking for: news, social media, kink.
I actively trawl my twitter account (@MPBjulie) to find new places to visit. I also have a personal account for work related stuff. Occasionally I have inadvertently cross posted, but I don’t think it has been noticed.
I do visit Facebook and have caught up with a number of old friends and also family through that particular medium. I am also embarrassed to admit that I crush candy and play one or two other games.
I read the news, looking at a variety of sites to try to obtain some kind of (often elusive) balance.
I have a number of links on my blog of places I visit and periodically I update and try to find new and interesting blogs to visit.
I visit tumblr too. But have to admit that I have to be in the right mind. I love to look at photos that depict a real kinky dynamic. Sadly they are far and few between.
Generally then, I have no real favourite place, but do love to visit and eclectic range of places. I love to keep my options open.
My head rules my life. While I may appear to act on impulse and to to follow my gut feeling or indeed my heart that really isn’t the case. Instead I plan and consider what I should do and then spend a little more time considering what to do next. I worry about the consequences of my actions and then sometimes do nothing for ages even for ever.
I followed my heart when my ex proposed. At the age of just 19, he was my first boyfriend and I imagined myself unattractive to other boys of my age since no one else had asked me. I was in love with the idea of being in love and engaged. Soon after I got involved briefly with an ex patient from the orthopaedic ward. He had been involved in a motor cycle accident and had had surgery. One night the patient in the next bed suffered a severe haemorrhage and afterwards the young man and I talked through our respective experiences and afterwards swapped phone numbers. I an not sure that kind of thing would be encouraged these days, but at the time there seemed no harm in it. I was going off duty on days off and he would be gone on my return. A couple of weeks later we went on a date. He was keen to see me again, and I was tempted. But I was engaged and got cold feet. My heart told me to do one thing, my head something else. My head won.
It is hard to think of any time in the following 30 years when I actually did anything on impulse where true emotion was involved. I always did the sensible thing, acted like the grown up I was. Until that is the afternoon I travelled to meet with S and subsequently spent the night with him. I often think of what might have happened if things had gone wrong. But they didn’t and we had some great times. Then of course, a couple of years later after things with S ended I met Master. We met in a pub one day and then had a play date the next.
Looking back it is hard to see that that woman in her 50’s is the same as that young scared girl of 19. But of course I am just a more experienced, mature version of the person I was then. Someone who realised that she needs to live her life not regret the things she might have done.
The question for 18th January – The best part of today was:
Well, other than the dinner out I just had with my mum and two brothers it is the realisation that I really can do what I want these days. I really can follow my instinct and my heart. I told my brother that I really would like him to come and help us finish off the painting that is needed in this house. I don’t want to prolong things longer because I want to get the house valued and on the market.
I want to follow my heart!
What are you grateful for?
Irritatingly this question is a
little bit lot similar to the one posed on 2nd January. Still, since I have recently written on this blog that I often don’t finish things I start and don’t feel able to give up on day 17 of 365, here goes.
Today I am grateful for the time spent in the office actually sitting at my desk getting work done. I am grateful that today I only had one meeting and by going out as I did I was able to see the sun and the sky. It was a cold day, but it was bright and fresh. By going to the meeting I managed to get my 10,000+ steps for the first time since I got back from Brussels (as least I think). I am grateful that the meeting finished a little early and since there was no point in going back to the office, I also got home early. I am most grateful that my ex didn’t call in today, so I haven’t had to experience that.
I am grateful that today has on balance been a good day.
Who do you love?
I love the man I plan to share my life with. I never expected to find love again after such a long and often loveless marriage, probably more on my part than his.
We don’t tell each other that we love each other all that often to be honest. But when we do it is very clear that the feeling is mutual. I trust Master with my body and my heart and I love him.
Who last called you on the phone
My last phonemail was from a work colleague on Thursday. I had a missed call from my mum on Friday, which I responded to with a text and then went to see her later.
Contact by phone is something that we used to do much more often than we do now. Instead we text, email, or make contact by some kind of direct message. I wonder if we are losing direct personal contact with each other?
Having said that contact between both my mum and I and my son and I are definitely better managed by phone. Plus, at work a phone call has to be easier than 10 emails. Just a thought!