365 days – 30th January

My house is a home because……

It is the place I lived during my marriage and where I brought up my son. It is a place where I have been happy, really happy. True, there has been sadness here, but to be fair the happiness has outweighed the pain and the tears.

We moved to the house when my son was a baby, just 3 months old. He sat for the first time, he laughed and he cried. He walked his first steps, climbed his first stairs. We nurtured him and he grew to be a lovely little, then bigger boy.

When my ex betrayed me, I took refuge in this place. I retreated into a solitary life at times, just me and him. Later his father returned and we were happy after a while.

There have been birthdays, family events, barbecues, parties.

There have been arguments and there have been tears. Too many. The relationship with my ex falling apart, the challenges of living with a growing teenager struggling to find his way in the world.

More recently Master and I have enjoyed some great days and nights here. Kinky fun, kinky and straight sex. I have submitted, I have dressed up for him. I have cooked meals and we have enjoyed great wine with them. We have laughed together.

Sometimes when I sit here alone I can see and hear almost 26 years of my life in little bite size chunks. Happy and sad.

This house has been a home to us and is is still my home. It will remain so until I take my things and try to make another place my home. I suspect it will take a while.

365 Questions – January 29th

What was your last major purchase?

Probably my car, which is coming up to a year ago. It is a Toyota Yaris, which I love and is great to drive. The only downside is the SatNav which I have been unable to connect to real time traffic – i.e. you can be sitting in a traffic jam and it just shows a clear road. Hoping to get that sorted when it goes for its first service soon. Look how clean it was! I need get it back to this glorious colour!

The sad world in which we live

Just over a week ago, while driving over to a cinema close to Master’s home, I listened to the inauguration of the 45th president of the USA. Having observed the way in which Trump rose in popularity over the past couple of years and then was elected, I was interested to hear what he would actually say. Being the even minded person I am, I thought that his words could be taken one of two ways, that overall perhaps the measures he proposed would be good for the country or else they would be very very bad. I had a hunch that his idea of putting America and Americans first would be less good for everyone else. It turns out that they probably won’t be brilliant for many of his own population either.

Whatever the long term effects of policy on healthcare (which seems to involve dismantling what is there without a clue as to a replacement), on abortion and women’s rights, on human rights, on creating jobs by building pipelines and roads, on walls along borders or immigration. It seems to me that Trump wishes to control peoples lives, he wants to stop free speech and perhaps free thought. He wants to instil his beliefs in others, never mind whether they are based on misinformation, lies or bigotry.

Now apparently you can’t visit, or return to the USA if you are from a list of countries where the main religion is islam, and probably you would be wise not to try visit if you are moslem anyway.  Apparently people’s political and religious beliefs are being reviewed by border immigration through social media contained on their phone. This kind of thing will probably spread to other visitors or even Americans returning home, whether Moslem or not.

Discrimination breeds fear and bigotry. It makes people intolerant and it causes people to lash out against each other. People become angry, they group together and convince themselves and each other that they need to lash out and to kill. My son was born during the first gulf war. I remember watching the news at night, while pregnant and wondering what kind of world I was bringing him up in. People were dropping bombs and missiles on each other, ordinary people as well as those in the military were held hostage. Death and destruction abounded. During those pre- 9/11 days we thought this was the worst it could get.

How wrong we were. It seems to me we have learnt nothing from the world wars of the 20th century, or anything that has come along to test us since. We are intolerant of the difference of others, and rather than try to understand we lash out and we kill.

I wish I felt positive about the next 4 years of the Trump presidency, but I don’t. If he believes that a country can prosper on the back of hate and bigotry he is wrong. If we think we are safe because we live across an ocean from America and can avoid the consequences, we are wrong.

Earlier this month, Master and I were in Belgium. For the first time, I visited the area where some of the first world war battles took place. 100 years later this is a bleak and sad area, but an area where people are respectful of the past, of the suffering that occured and the sacrifice that took place. Where people fought because they believed they would defeat tyranny. Or they fought to defend their ruler and their country. The result was carnage and really there were no winners. It didn’t stop further war and it hasn’t stopped this sad world in which we find ourselves living.

Tyne Cot Cemetery 


Last post at Ieper



Langemark German Cemetery 


365 Questions – 28th January

Tomorrow I will…

Wake up with Master. Hopefully we will stay in bed late.

There will be time for us to touch and to kiss. Time for sex and for him to express his desire for me and I for him. Tomorrow hopefully we will have sex.

Tomorrow I will have a relaxing Sunday, time to recharge the batteries for Monday.

365 questions – 27th January

How much did you spend in the grocery store last time you went?

This month I have been a little short of cash – legacy of Christmas and our holiday to Brussels. Last week, therefore I bought only the essentials and lived off of the food in the fridge, freezer and cupboards (we also ate out quite a bit). So yesterday, which was payday, I went to the supermarket and spent close to £100. Given that much of  the week I cater for myself only, I hope that next week’s bill will be much smaller!

365 questions – 26 January

Today the temperature was…….

Fucking Freezing

All week the air temperature has been hovering around freezing or below. I have needed to scrape the ice from my car windscreen morning and evening.

This morning, the temperature was around 1c when I got into the car. Unlike other days, there was no frost and unlike yesterday I didn’t slide out of my front door onto my back.  But it feels colder.

All day there has been an icy breeze. One you feel as soon as you leave the house or car, one I felt as I got off of the tube train in London. Remind me of this chill when I complain of the heat underground in summer!

Today it has been fucking freezing. Hey this is my blog and I will swear if I want to! It is cold out there.

Today the temperature was freezing!

365 questions – 25 January

Damn, I was out last night at our local munch and completely forgot to post!

What is your favourite thing to drink?

I don’t have one favourite, it depends on the time, place and mood. So here goes:

In the morning – I prefer a filtered coffee with warm milk. But if not possible or I am trying to moderate calories, then it would be green tea with cranberry.

Mid morning – If no coffee has been consumed and I am in the right place, I might have coffee now. Otherwise it will be tea.  This is kind of odd since 20 years ago I very rarely drank tea at all. Tastes have changed.

After work – my preference is a gin and tonic. Again, over time my tastes have changed, but right now the after work, arriving home drink is a G&T

I love wine, but for reasons of calorie consumption, and over all desire to be more healthy I do try not to make wine a feature of my week. But if given a choice a Sauvignon blanc, preferably from New Zealand would be my choice.

At the weekend depending on where we are and what we are doing I partake of the following:

Orange juice – it is calorific but lovely, my diet means that fruit is good but juice is less so. Therefore freshly squeezed juice is for weekends.

Good coffee with warm milk, preferably frothed up.

Pepsi max and water – for hydration.

Wine with meals

Beer if the time and place are right.

Hey, if it a liquid and I am thirsty, I drink it!!

365 questions – 24th January

What are you looking for from life?

I have written quite a lot on here about how my life has changed and how happy I am with the way it is now. I want to be able to explore new experiences, whether through travel, reading, film or music. I want to push the barriers on what I previously thought were my kinky limits. I want to please and serve Master in a way that I wouldn’t have imagined in previous relationships. Ultimately I want us to  enjoy ourselves and feel fulfilled in our lives. We don’t always hit the right spot, but in the main, life is good.