Shadows

Do you ever think you see something or someone in your sightline, turn around and realise that the thing or person is not there?

Just part of your imagination?

Perhaps a shadow.

A shadow of the person you were, of a person you knew and loved but who is now gone? A pet that you owned and is also gone?

I often stand in my kitchen, and think I see someone or something outside in the front garden. Afterwards I realise it was a shadow, caused by the way the sun moved across the garden rather than ever quite shining in. It is to do with the way the house is positioned and I know this.

But from time to time I have imagined I briefly witnessed the cat run across the garden, or someone walk down my garden path. But they are not real animals or people, they are shadows.

The cat died 4 or 5 years ago and people who I am not expecting rarely turn up these days, unless they are trying to sell something. Perhaps double glazing or religion.

But actually I like to imagine the ghosts of those lost are around me. Tribbles the cat (named by my son and often out of the house and seeking to come in) who died while his Master was away at university in the USA.  My much loved nan who died 17 years ago and who I swear after she was gone made some of my son’s toys make their electronic noise out of the blue.

Most recently my dad, who died two years ago next week.

Sometimes when I turn around I think I see him walking up the path. In the area because he has been to fit an outside light at someone’s house,  to put in a socket or 5 (he was an electrician) and who is hoping for a cup of coffee, a biscuit and a chat.

But sadly they are all shadows.

Or maybe not so sadly since those shadows bring the memories to the fore and that can’t be either a bad or scary thing. They are the shadows of our lives gone by, our memories and perhaps also of memories to be made in the future. They are something to be valued and enjoyed. Not a very wicked Wednesday, but one from the heart.

As time goes by……….

Posted on my Tumblr blog
We are both in our 50′s but what I am increasingly aware off is that I have found my true place as a woman and an individual and that together we are more than that. Submission is not about youth. It is not about sex, though that for us is important and will definitely last the course. Submission for us is about Master’s ownership and possession, it is about power. Those things can easily endure. We don’t get to spend nearly enough time together at the moment, we are still not living together, and I have to work. But as far as I can see we only have good things to look forward to.
For us, sadly our 70′s is not so far in the future. Well it is, but having been 20 then 40, 30 then 50 we know how time creeps up. If we are together then D/s will still be part of who we are, our lives. We are just settling into the swing of things, by then we will be more than comfortable with who we are. Plus our families will be comfortable with that too. For us, it isn’t about when we are alone that the problems can potentially arise but when we have to interact with others, family and friends. 
I hope we remain sexually active into our old age and beyond, but who knows? What I do know is there is more to our sex life than sexual intercourse. Enjoyment of each others body, pain and pleasure is key to what we enjoy. I can’t imagine that will end any day soon.

The shorter the better

So Kink of the Week for 1-15 September is Hair. Having covered pubic hair already, the focus this time is the hair on your head.

Master has a particular fetish for very short hair. In his ideal world his slave would have her head shaved. For him, there is something very erotic about a woman whose head is shaved. I haven’t asked him, but suspect he prefers that the hair has visibly been cropped closely and that you can run your hands over it and feel the stubble rather than a head that is truly bald. His tumblr feed is full of photos of women that emulate his ideal (he has other kinks that he displays too unsurprisingly).
Master is not one to push a slave to comply with his wishes, at least not overtly. He would prefer that she does so to please him and because she wants it too. So the move towards short hair has been a gradual process. 
When we met my hair was shoulder length. It had taken me a while to grow my hair to a length that I liked and I felt pretty happy with the style. As far as I was concerned I dressed and had my hair cut in a way that I wanted, to please myself, no one else. When we met, his then slave told me of his preference for shorter hair. She told me that when she arrived to live with him, he would force her to have her head shaved. This was something she said she would struggle with. While I believe he may have said such a thing to her, I don’t actually believe he would do anything like that without the other person (even his slave) fully agreeing and wanting that to be the case. Certainly he hasn’t pressured me to cut my hair. But the things she told me stick in my mind and maybe stop me from going the whole hog. 
I have though, over the past 2 1/2 years gradually cut my hair shorter. 
I have discovered that a woman of my age looks better with shorter hair. That I like the way I look with short hair. It looks better when cut around my ears than trying the half way thing. I have discovered that for a woman going through the menopause short hair really helps you cool down. I think it helps me and others see the bone structure of my face.
What is more, I have been complimented on my hair in a way that I don’t think I have been for many years by family, friends, colleagues and by almost complete strangers.
I don’t have my head shaved and am not sure I ever will. Maybe I might get the area around my ears shaved as I think it looks cool and pretty sexy. I know what Master likes, but don’t think he will push me to do something I don’t want. 
But sometimes you need another persons view, another’s ideal to help push those boundaries. without Master I may never have cut my hair to the length it is now and may never have known just how good it would look.
Short is good. For him, the shorter the better and maybe I am edging closer to his ideal.

Friends and much more

Last year HornyGeekGirl started a meme, I stumbled upon it and some where along the line got confused and thought it was new. The prompt is above and I have written the post so its getting posted, better late than never!. I have to say that I love the quote (going to have to find out more about the author) and also the banner on which it sits – beautiful scene of wild flowers……

……………………………….
It wasn’t the first time I had arranged to meet a man previously only known to me on the internet. But this was different:
  • We hadn’t even spoken on the phone.
  • I didn’t know his first name until I asked him for it the night before.
  • He lived more locally than the previous encounter and therefore I must have known that there were more possibilities open to me.
  • I knew he was involved with someone else, though had little idea at the time of what their relationship was about.
  • I thought I knew about BDSM, about D/s. It turned out that I was about to find out much much more. 
I was nervous, I expect he was too though we haven’t discussed that. What was clear to us both was there was something of a sexual spark between us which emerged during the time it took for us to consume one drink. I expect I spoke quickly and said too much, he was a good listener. As we finished our drinks, he suggested a walk.
It was cool and damp out, but not unpleasant and fresh air seemed a good idea. He took my hand and I felt the buzz of electricity between us. Soon after we stood in a churchyard and kissed for the first time, he touched me outside of my clothes. I throbbed for him. My life had inextricably changed in those few moments even if I didn’t know it yet. 
Looking back on the past 2 years and 7 months I can see that I have changed as a person, that I am happier, more self fulfilled, more confident in myself as a woman and as a sexual being. I am his slut, his bitch and his slave. But also I am his friend and he is mine. We have a relationship based on openness and trust. The dynamic requires it but so does the relationship itself. I love this man, my best friend, my lover, My Master. 

Balance

At the beginning of the year I decided that this would be the one where I sorted out things in the marital home and got it ready to sell. I spent time decluttering, but as the spring turned to summer very little of any significance happened. We went on holiday and had the most amazing time, we returned and we had something of a busy social life with nights out and weekends away. Suddenly it was August and we wondered where the year had gone. 

For Master it has been the same, he said at the beginning of the year that he would refurbish his bathroom; we even went to a bathroom shop to take a look. He chose the one he wanted. He said he needed to declutter, ready for me to move in. The months passed, we made a couple of trips to the recycling centre and I helped with getting rid of some of the clutter – sometimes a person needs another to be assertive, even if they are their slave. But then life got busy;  holidays, nights out, weekends away. Then it was August.
During all of this something happened to the kink and overt signs of our M/s dynamic. We settled into a lovely routine, always had good sex, though less frequently perhaps than before. We were comfortable in our life, no problems, just not really kinky. Then it was August.
Finally in August we rediscovered our mojo for getting things done and also for our dynamic. We realised we needed to make an effort and to get things done. We also realised that relationships of all kinds must be worked at. 
Today it is September, I can look back on August with pleasure and say we have had fun, but we have also got things done. I have cleared out the garden and am well on the way to being happy with what I see when I look outside of the window. I have started to get rid of things inside, and have begun to plan what I should keep and what should go. Master has been working on his house too, he has designed his bathroom though hasn’t quite as far as ordering it, yet. We have begun to discuss clearing his garage so I can store some things there after I move out of here. Today I have taken a day off and we will finish off repairing my shed and painting the fence, among other fun things.
Best of all we have revitalised the kink. There has been naked kneeling, CMNF evenings in the house, I have some kinky new things to wear and there is a sign of a task or two to come. We are still to get out to a club for play, and indeed haven’t played at home for a while. But he is clearly exerting his Master status over me his slave and I am happily getting on with being the best slave I can be.
As we move towards autumn I feel confident that we have a balance and are moving in the right direction.