There is no doubt that I have come a long way in the past two years.
I know that I am a happier person, someone who no longer needs to control every aspect of their life. Indeed, I would go further than that and say that I prefer to control very little of my life, but do what I must.
I have learned to let go of so much, to allow someone else to decide where I go, what I do and how I do it.
Sometimes though I rebel and revert to some of my old ways.
The other day when out for dinner I complained when Master made a decision about dinner on my behalf (for my own good of course). On holiday I started to doubt his ability to guide us to our hotel on foot (it took an hour to get there). I know I answer back and I often break the rules we agreed 2 years ago.
But does that make me a bad slave? Does that mean I am not a slave at all?
I don’t believe it does.
I am a person who needs control, but also needs the opportunity to push against that control.
I am a person who needs to know that someone is in control. I am still learning that it isn’t desirable or necessary that I have to be that person. That giving up control makes me feel liberated and the person I want and need to be.
Master doesn’t want to micro manage me and I don’t want or need that micro management. I think that he needs to look back at where we were and where we are now.
He needs to see how far we have come and reassess.
I am not a bad slave. He is not a bad Master.
We are two human beings learning to navigate our way through life, a life where we and the world around us changes. Where sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong.
But what I do know is that we are two people who happen to be Master and slave. Two people who love each other.
Bad slave? No
Collared slave who is sometimes bad? Yes!