Submissive Coffee Club

Tumblr can be an erotic and exciting place to look for photos, videos and articles. It can also give an unpleasant view of porn, submission and opinion, you do have to wade through pages of poseurs (male and female) on occasion to find something worth looking at and real. 

A tumblr site I really enjoy visiting is the submissive coffee club (it also has a related dominant site). It is great for conversation and views on submission and it also offers up blogging prompts which can be useful if you are short of a topic idea. 
They are currently running a feature where members of the club volunteer to be asked questions about their submission etc. by their peers and next week it will be my turn. I have one question so far, and am hoping for many more. But to make it more interesting, if anyone here has a question they would like to ask me then I will answer that too. I then plan to post simultaneously here and on my tumblr blog.
Master and I are off on holiday this coming weekend and so I will have the added advantage of blogging from the beautiful island of Sicily and needing to complete this task will prevent me from once again resorting to travel blogging. Though of course, there is nothing wrong with a travel blog.
Personally I can’t wait to get away. We have both been suffering from a virus over the past couple of weeks and have been massively under par. There has been precious little sex in our lives, let alone kink. Hopefully this trip will help us get over this horrible bug and also allow us to recuperate. I am looking forward to the sun and the sea air. There will be loads to see and do plus there will be the food, wine and hopefully a chance to swim and maybe relax in the shade with a good book. 
Mean time, do leave any questions in the comments box. 
Back soon everyone!

Elust #83

Photo courtesy of Holden and Camille

Welcome to Elust #83 

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #84 Start with the rules, come back July 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Poetry

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Events

Erotic Fiction

Erotic Non-Fiction

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Writing About Writing

Pubic hair – KOTW

I am probably from a generation that while shaving legs and under arms was the norm, shaving pubic hair was not. For me, a person who always grew hair a plenty this was something of a relief. The idea of spending my entire life in the bathroom, summer and winter did not appeal. That is not to say that I didn’t fancy walking around with less hair, but just that the effort was too much, unless that is, I was due to wear a bikini any day soon.

Over the years friends told me of their waxing, epilator and laser / electrolysis experiences, but I wasn’t sure the pain and effort was worth it. After all, it isn’t as if that part of my body was being seen by anyone very often. Hubby preferred sex in the dark but went on quite a bit about me shaving and occasionally I did as he asked, as if I were granting him a special treat. I guess that is what it was. I remember him being extremely grateful for the effort I took when we travelled to California for his 50th. It didn’t improve our sex life, but he seemed happy. 
It wasn’t until I became involved with S though, that I willingly shaved myself for another person. Luckily there were significant gaps between our meetings, as is often the case in a long distance relationship, but I was keen to please. I was new to this submission lark and embraced his wishes with gusto. I used a combination of hair removal creams such as Nair and a razor, but think that if things had continued in that vein I would have tried laser or something.
When I met Master I was bare. He said little about this for the first few months, but then decided that he wished me to grow my hair, stating in our contract that: 
Girl will maintain a tuft of hair on her mound for her Master’s use and pleasure
That use and pleasure is so he has something to wipe his cock on or to aim for when he wants to dump his prize upon me.

While the hair grows in more places than I would like, it has taken some time to reach its full potential, maybe it is an age and menopause thing. 

From time to time he has got out his razor and shaving cream and created the shape he likes because my hair growth can be quite unruly (much as he likes to suggest I am unruly as a slave, but that’s another issue entirely). Generally though I try to keep my hair trimmed and away from the tops of my legs using cream and shaving. All in all, I have now come a complete circle. 
The difference now is that if he decided tomorrow that he wished me to be completely bare I would do as he wished and do so gladly. And pretty much without any kind of argument or evidence of brattiness or unruliness.

As you can see from this photo, the tally was 11 and I have my pubic hair in tact. Just as he likes!

Choices

We all make choices everyday. When to get up, what to eat, where to go, what to say to others. We have control over our actions, the ability not to be late for work, the ability to eat healthily and to be kind to others. We don’t always exercise the choices we should and sometimes we get ourselves into positions whereby we don’t feel we have a choice at all.

I got myself into such a place over hubby. He cheated early in our marriage when my son was young and we were financially challenged. I faced the choice about our relationship – stay or go, stay of kick him out. But I struggled in the decision making process and believed that I had no choice. I hated the idea of telling others of his infidelity of making people hate him. I hated the idea of being left alone, of being a single parent. I hated the idea of being even more hard up financially than I already was, working full time and getting no where. So I made the choice to stay and keep the status quo.

At the time, I thought I had no choice and therefore had made no choice at all, but of course I did choose what to do. I thought he would choose to leave, but he didn’t. In truth we were as bad as each other.

I eventually chose to precipitate the end of that marriage, getting on for 20 years later and to be honest I probably made things worse for us both in waiting so long. But if I hadn’t waited I might not be where I am now. I might not have met Master and might not have discovered the depth of my submission and desire to submit to him.

Looking back I was always submissive, it is who I am. My difficulties in making choices, not because I can’t but because I really don’t want to, perhaps stem from this being my preference, part of my personality. Just as my desire to please and to care for everyone around me is part of my natural way.

But I did make the choice in the end. I faced everyone including a grown up son. I discovered that people thought no worse of me for making the choice and discovered that many people had thought I should be making that choice sooner. Most though never articulated their thoughts on my relationship with hubby. When people start to admit that they didn’t really like him after such a long time it feels rather odd. I guess they felt it wasn’t their business, not their choice to make.

This is a choice I made rather late in the day, but one I am pleased I managed to make in the end and one that led to me being able to meet Master. It has enabled us to choose each other. It enabled me to choose to be his slave and him to choose to be my Master.

Orgasm control

Probably the first ‘rule’ applied to me as a new submissive was orgasm control. I was told that my orgasms no longer belonged to me, that they were his property and that I should ask permission to orgasm and that once I had cum, I must thank him and tell him that it was his.

I had read quite a bit about being a submissive by that time, and orgasm control seemed to be common place. What is more, S had required me to ask permission to cum when we were together, so this was nothing new.

Orgasm control with Master is a little different though. This isn’t about me feeling that I am about to cum and then seeking permission, this is about him demanding that I cum when, where and how he wants. Over time, and with training or conditioning, much like one of pavlov’s dogs, I really can cum at the moment he desires. He may be stroking my clit, he may be pinching a nipple, he may be deep inside one of my holes, or there may be no physical contact at all. But, when he says cum, I do.

I have long since stopped wondering how this can be happening to me, I suspect it is a form of conditioning as mentioned above. I love the control he has over me, that he can make me cum at will. It adds to the feeling of control that I know that he has over me and it makes me horny just to think about.

Occasionally he denies me an orgasm at the time I request it, but he is not very good at doing so for long. He truly loves me to cum and see and feel the juices that flow, to hear my breathing change, to hear me gasp, to see the look in my eyes. I love him for this; who wouldn’t? I know other submissive women are denied orgasms for prolonged periods, so I count myself extremely lucky.

For me, the advantages of having my orgasms controlled far out weigh any disadvantages. I recognise it as part of what I have ‘signed up for’ in agreeing to become his slave. It is part of the control, part of his ownership of me, my body and mind. Part of the power he has over me and which be both know we need.

I guess the only small disadvantage is that it means that when I am alone and I decide I need to cum it is less pleasurable than when we are together. I still thank him for the orgasm, and tell him it is his, but if he is not there to hear me say the words then what is the point. So, even though I am allowed, I tend not to orgasm very often when I am on my own. The feelings produced by my fingers or a vibrator are good, but they last just a few moments. I much prefer that he be there and that the control is overt and real.

Reflections

I haven’t felt much like posting here over the past couple of weeks. There is nothing wrong, I have just run out of steam. The past couple of months have seen lots of activity on the blog; the blogging A-Z in April and then lots of meme participation. Ultimately though, there is more to this place than following a format, fun as it is to do.

There are many posts whirling around in my head, but nothing will quite come out. Last weekend was busy, in a fun and cultural sense. Generally there has been a limited amount of kink and overt submission.

That submission is always there, it is just that sometimes I struggle to see it. I really do long for the time when I am able to demonstrate it every day when we are free to be the Master and slave we desire to be. Just when I think I am stuck in a particular place though, I come across something that reminds me how far I have travelled, how much better my life is now, how lucky I am.

This morning, I found this post, written to my ex hubby from June 2013:

B,


On Sunday we have been married for 29 years. That is a lifetime – we have both been married for longer than we were single. We have had some great times, how ever would we have stayed together if we hadn’t. Equally we have had some difficult moments, not least the present. This year there will be no cards, no romantic meals – not even the pretence that we are happily married. No we won’t even see each other. Tomorrow you will tell me where you are off to for the weekend, personally I will find something useful to do; perhaps be with friends, who knows. Even though our marriage is on it’s very last legs, I will not be with Sir (and wouldn’t have been even if he hadn’t been working).

Today, I saw you for the first time in over 2 weeks. You were too busy to take me to the airport, too busy to join me on holiday, too busy to be here on my return. Yesterday on fathers day, your son was sad you weren’t here. Whether his failure to even text you was warranted, is between the two of you, after all, he is an adult now. It has been 7 months since I told you of my infidelity and 5 since the say I confirmed it by going off one Sunday to see my lover, leaving bereft at home. Since then we have not (as far as I can remember) spent one whole weekend together. You were away at Easter and even when I was away on holiday you spent few nights at home. You ask me to be patient with you. Say you don’t want to lose me. But even when I have offered to give up Sir you tell me that since it will make me unhappy you do not wish me to.

Both Sir and the friend I was on holiday with say that I now need to take control of this situation, and I know they are right. I am allowing myself to be treated just as badly now as I was before this happened.  I know I have committed the worst sin possible within a marriage, and I have made no secret of this, but you did too. Granted it was many years ago, but the facts remain. You keep information from me – even tonight during the 30 minutes you were here having a shower and changing – refusing to tell me when you will be home, where you are going, where you stay, where your clothes are. You spend money recklessly and ask me for more. 

You say you can’t give me what I need. Sexually, this is probably true. But even though I have offered to give this up you prefer to remain the martyr. If I am to be married, I need a husband, I need a loving relationship, I need to be cared for. You provide me with none of the above, yet you take all that you can. 

I am reaching the end. Despite the fact I have most recently broken our wedding vows, I am the one currently feeling most deceived, most cheated upon. I think that after Sunday I will be ready.

I am sorry it has come to this, but I think that we need to face facts. We need to stop pretending and you need to realise that this is about more than sex, even if that sex is of the kinky kind.

I still care for you B, but I no longer love you as a wife should, I no longer respect you. My feeling as I started this letter was anger, but now, it is sorrow.


Immediately after reading this, I started to wonder that I had moved on at all. After all B is not completely out of my life (though the person I called Sir at the time is). We are still married and the house is not yet sold. I had forgotten the extent of his betrayal of me at that time, of the fact that I had offered quite so many olive branches to him. Since then I have discovered that he was pretty much living with another woman. I have also found out the extent of the hurt my son felt about what was going on.
But tonight as I look back on the day that I wrote this I can only be grateful that the relationship with S ended and that I didn’t go back to B. Grateful that I met Master and that his relationship with his then slave ended. Grateful that I recognised my need to be Master’s submissive and to give myself totally to him. Grateful that together we have enjoyed so many great experiences together and that we continue to plan more.
In June 2013 I barely knew what submission was about. I had yet to experience pain in the way I now have. I perceived that there was much missing from my life, but didn’t even know what it was let alone how to find it. 
Today, in June 2016 I know that I am an owned slave. I know that I exist to serve and please him. I know that my life is more fulfilled than I might have expected. I know that I have no need to make decisions in most of my life (save work and my own family), I know that I need Master’s help and guidance in all that I do. I know that I am not scared to have given up control. 
I have come a long way.
This year, on the day of the anniversary of that marriage I will be with Master. I won’t be worrying about B and his life, but instead I will be focusing on my service to the man who owns me and loves me. Being the slave he wants and needs. I will just be girl. 
This girl, His pierced slave. His property. His love
His.