The things that need to be done

I sometimes feel that I am all talk and very little action. That I should be dealing with ending this thing once and for all but am failing.

Yesterday at work a ‘lunch and learn’ was held. Colleagues are taking it in turn to teach / inform / instruct others in various topics they have expertise in. Chatting to my closest work colleagues I joked that my lunch and learn topic would be ‘How not to end a long term relationship’

I have lived here alone for around 15 months. Hubby moved out permanently just before Christmas 2014 and my son in around February of 2015. The latter is now happily living with his girlfriend. Hubby is living with his girlfriend in what he would have me believe is some kind of landlady / lodger arrangement. I am not convinced. I applied to the local council for the reduction in local taxes that you can get if a single person lives in a property. I heard nothing, so applied again. It seems that he remains on the electoral register and that is how they judge entitlement. But changes to the way the electoral register is run mean that an individual have to move their own address for this purpose. He has not done so because his lady friend claims the reduction. I could drop them both in the s**t but don’t really want to be that vindictive. So I pay full rate council tax.

I have asked him to pack his remaining clothes and he agreed he would but was informed he has no where to put his things at her place! That was several weeks ago. I asked him to stop turning up every day, but was told that her shower is broken and he doesn’t like to take a bath (the last part is true, but not my problem).

Yesterday I saw him as I was home early. We chatted about recent events pretty easily. I told him that my aunt was over from New Zealand and that I was planning to take my mum and aunt to visit other family soon. All was calm and relaxed as we talked about other times Gwen has visited. But later, he texted me to say he was sad that he was  no longer part of the family that the visit wasn’t open to him. He soon began to wallow in the usual self pity.

This morning I was snooping around a box of his stuff that is sitting on my son’s bed. Hubby’s stuff. I found a piece of paper with some names and phone numbers written on it. Names and phone numbers of people that could only have been taken from my phone in 2012-13 when things were coming to a head and before I had proper password protection. For some reason this discovery brought me to my senses.

This morning I had my appraisal at work. I discussed my job, the things I have done well and could do better and my thoughts around my next (and probably final job). Sitting at my desk afterwards I realised that this is my opportunity to make the changes I need in both work and personally. Time for some real action. I felt and feel fired up.

So, this weekend I am going to pack his clothes up into bags. That is the first step.

Then next week I will give him a clear time table for the final changes to be made – his leaving for good, his agreement on the house sale etc.

Over the coming weeks Master and I will (I have no doubt) discuss my future career move and how I handle that. In my marriage I have to overcome my preference for being submissive and for not wanting to make decisions and to take control. With Master’s support I know that I can and that I must.