I is for……

Internal enslavememt and I (the word that should not be spoken by the author of this blog).

Internal enslavement is something this girl finds quite fascinating. Unfortunately the Tanos website where much of the information about this more extreme subset of total power exchange exists is currently down. However she found a great article on the Deviance and Desire site, lots of other articles to read too. The definition of internal enslavement is described in this way:

“One of the key concepts of IE is literally – slave: this is just the everyday definition of “slave” that everyone grows up with, and it doesn’t include the roleplay slaves you sometimes meet elsewhere in BDSM. For example, this is from the definition of “slave” in the second edition of the Oxford English Dictionary: “One who is the property of, and entirely subject to another person, whether by capture, purchase or birth; a servant completely divested of freedom and personal rights.” When we say “slave”, we mean literal slave, defined in this way.”

In this type of owner / property relationship the property, the owner has complete control over the slave. Everything the slave does is for the benefit of the owner and the slave has no say in what is done or how this takes place. Communication is not important, since the slave just obeys and what is more they focus their entire energy on ensuring that their Master’s needs are met.

It seems extremely unlikely that this would work in our relationship. For a start the slave needs to be trained and treated quite harshly. Master likes to be in control and to exert power, but doesn’t wish to micromanage this girl. Nor does he wish her to do everything for him, or to be completely subservient and compliant. In day to day life, Master asks this girl’s opinion and while he doesn’t always act on it, she is free to give her views. Punishment is not something Master particularly wishes to dish out and within the current relationship it is easy to avoid. A more extreme TPE would be difficult for a bratty girl such as this to prevent herself from falling foul of the rules. What is more, Master would have to put more effort into developing the structure we lived under and then enforcing it. 

However, it is useful when you are considering a 24/7 TPE relationship, which we are, in understanding how that relationship will be going forward. You see, this journey continues and as it does Master and this girl will need to re-establish the terms under which it sits. We do want some kind of TPE, but probably internal enslavement is not for us.

When this girl became slave to her Master a set of rules were negotiated. Number’s 1 and 2 on the list were as follows (copied from that which was written by Master and agreed by this girl):

  1. Girl will address her Lord as “Master” or “Lord” or “Sir” at all times.
  2. Girl will speak in the 3rd person and refer to herself in terms such as “this girl” or “your slut”.
When out and she needs to attract the attention of her Master she sometimes calls him by his name and when we are out with friends and family she always does. At all other times though she calls him Master or Lord. She isn’t a fan of the title Sir when speaking to him and isn’t entirely sure why. 

What this girl is less good at though is not using the term I. When in bed, or during play times, this girl finds it easy to refer to herself as this girl, this slut, your bitch or whatever, but during regular conversation this often slips. 

Generally Master ignores what she has said, though he nearly always answers by calling her girl. Sometimes he reminds her. When discussing words beginning with I which might be used in this post it was Master who suggested this word – I – the word that has been abolished.

Given the other word(s) for today and the assertion that we are moving towards a 24/7 existence, this girl is going to focus on abolishing the word I from her vocabulary in conversations with Master. Of course it can’t be avoided elsewhere like at work. But in our life together it can.

Updating on things

The past couple of weeks were a little troublesome.  There is a need to get on with things relating to the past relationship and in selling the house. After this post, a conversation then meeting with my son took place and he made it clear that he felt closure was needed. The idea of being given life and relationship advice by a 25 year old was to say the least interesting. But I did take it on board. Funnily enough this has coincided with some of the challenging interactions with Master and of course they are likely as not linked.

There are some things to be done in the house before it can be sold and these started this week. It could be 7 or 8 years since we replaced the bathroom, but until this weekend the bath had no side panel. According to my mum it one of the things that my dad used to complain about, when they visited, directly linked in his mind to the lack of effort my ex put in to looking after the house. He was right, hubby didn’t do those simple things, in this case because cutting around a few pipes was difficult. On Saturday we went to the hardware store, bought what was needed and he cut out the bits that were necessary. It looks amazing and I feel stupid that this wasn’t done before.
Next Friday I am meeting the ex to discuss time frames for selling the house. The need to get on with things grows in me. I want to sell up and start the next episode of my life.
Master and his girl discussed the arguments that have taken place over recent weeks and agreed that these are trivial and unnecessary.
We had a mostly relaxing time but that time was interspersed with time where this girl wore her bitch collar, was without underwear and at times was naked. There were a lot of orgasms and there was some pretty good sex. 
More importantly though, there was time for submission. For a reaffirmation of what was important in this relationship. 
We are moving towards a 24/7 dynamic and over the coming months while things are sorted here, we will confirm what that looks and feels like. 
Today we went out with my family for my brothers birthday, it was happy and fun. All in all right now this slave is one happy slave. As for the week ahead, mindfulness is needed to make sure that the arguments of the past weeks are behind us and we are moving ahead to our goal.