This is a timely prompt, something I found on the Submissive Coffee Club page and saved for later.
Since Master and I got together we have had little to argue about, and so even a month ago I would have passed this by. But as I alluded to on my last post, over the past few weeks there have been some occasions when we have argued. These arguments have not been about anything personal to us or our relationship, but about our differing political and social views. They have also been about my willingness to take some things at face value, while for him there is a need to read around the topic in great depth before your opinion is formed or rather changed. We both have a world view, often it isn’t so different, indeed I think I values are similar. But our approach is different and sometimes when I am expressing those thoughts and feelings I become a bit too passionate, start to take things personally, while he sits there and just argues.
During those arguments I do lose sight of myself as his slave. I just go for it, hell for leather and then when I don’t get what I
want think I want, I act out. Last week I packed my bag and stormed out of the house. Then when I realised that a) I shouldn’t drive as we had just consumed a bottle (or two) of wine and b) this was no way to sort thing out, I rang on the door bell to be let back in. Last night after our ‘discussion’ had again disintegrated Master questioned my attitude as a slave. He was right to, though perhaps this is something we need to discuss in a rationale way.
When we argue I think that dormant, overpowering person who wants to shout over people and hog the conversation begins to appear. I don’t think that person is someone I want to be and I don’t think it is attractive. He remains dominant, but I fail to listen to him as I should. It is odd, because these days I prefer myself when I remember that I have agreed to be his slave. I prefer the calm me, the one who gets to be told the is a good girl. It is less stressful and it makes me happier.
After an argument, it is really about giving each other space and then about discussing things so that we try not to fall into the same trap again. That is the bit that isn’t quite working right now. Plus of course making up and saying sorry.
This situation isn’t serious really, because it isn’t about our relationship as such, maybe though it is a way of helping that relationship mature so we don’t end up saying and doing things we regret.