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The slave I am now

I have been looking back some posts from 2 years ago, early in our relationship and have been thinking about the person I was then in comparison to now.

Life at that time felt busy – a new relationship was developing, but it was one that bears little similarity to the one we now have. It was clear from the start that he was my Dom, and that I was his submissive girl though at that time it manifested itself in the bedroom or playroom rather than all of the time. Gradually though the need of both of us was for something more, something that was a constant, that didn’t disappear because we were apart.

Of course part of this is about the relationship itself developing through time, about us knowing each other, about us having shared experiences and developing a history. But I am pretty sure that there is more to this than familiarity. The M/s dynamic that when we look back, was always evident has enabled me to become the slave I am and that Master wanted all along (even if he didn’t know it either). Kayla Lords post yesterday about using their D/s relationship to manage stressful times resonated with me. Master and I certainly pick up on cues that tell us that one of us is feeling stressed or anxious and use our dynamic to make sure we talk things through, that we use kink to help us through and that we reaffirm our positions as Master and slave. I am mindful of who I am at all times, and know that he is the boss, it is he who makes the decisions. I also know that I have an overwhelming desire to please and serve him which helps me to focus during those difficult times.

The key difference that people notice about me now is that I appear to be a happier, more fulfilled person. They assume, quite rightly that Master is to a great extent responsible for this change. He is, but probably not in the way that they imagine. Yes, the fact I have someone to tell everything to helps as does his encouragement for me to put my and our lives before those of everyone else quite as much as was the case. But the real fulfilment comes from the safety of knowing that I am his slave, his possession. The collar that he placed around my neck last July is part of that, a tangible symbol of my slavery. It does however go much deeper than that, right to the core of who I am as a person.

This morning I have agreed that I must remind myself of my slavery in a much more overt way, and stop using the word I when he and I are together or speaking to each other. This is a rule that has been in place for a long time, but one which I tend to forget about and often only use when we are in bed or playing. Master suggested to me that I often forget who and what I am when life gets busy and he is right. Saying the words “this girl” at the beginning of a sentence really does help to remind me and also to make me think about what I am about to say or do. It will also help me to make sure I am asking rather than telling.

I often write in the third person on here, and that has become second nature (even though I haven’t done it on this post), and that is what needs to happen when I am speaking to Master. After 2 years together this slave is still evolving into the person he wants her to be.

Your thoughts are always welcome

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