Reflections on the past – My submission today

Master has frequently looked back on my blog and reminded me of things that I have written. He is quite a reflective person, and while I am too, he often sees things that I maybe don’t. 
This week we have been discussing my submission. This is the first time since May 2014 that we have been apart for this length of time. While it has been difficult to manage the lack of physical contact we have texted and have spoken every evening on Skype. What it has done though is give us the space to think about our relationship on a deeper, Master / slave level. 
For many months we have in the main lived relatively vanilla lives, going about our business, enjoying our social life and holidays. Sex is always pretty kinky and there is always an undercurrent of M/s. The S/m side has taken something of a back seat in the main, mainly because of his shoulder problem which I am glad to say is now resolved. We are both keen to reenergise that part of our relationship along with redefining the Master / slave dynamic. 
The other evening when we were chatting, he pointed out that I was touching my collar a lot.  Thinking about it, that is something I do a lot. I love to feel the metal around my neck as well as the cuff on my wrist. I have rarely removed either since he gave them to me. 
he reminded me last night of something I said when we first met. I struggled to find it, and of course He went to it and pointed it out. It comes from 4th February 2014 as I analysed our first play date. Below is the full post:


I don’t know how things will pan out with this new Dom or if we will play more than a few times. i don’t know if the special person will be him or another. What i do know is that i seem to have restarted the journey that stalled months ago. 
Over the last few months with S, we had some fantastic times. The kinky sex we had (much of it described here) was fantastic. The submission was in the moment and was really good. But i wasn’t truly submitting to anyone. At the time that was fine, right for where i was and where he was.
Now though i feel differently. i kind of feel liberated by the fact he has another and i have made the decision that whatever happens there is no going back to that or to him.
i am thinking about submission a lot. i am considering even what it might be like to give up more control, even perhaps to enter a Master / slave relationship. That’s not to say i ever would, but i am giving it some thought and in a considered and serious way.
The playdate on Sunday put me in a good place, and rather than drop, i have kind of stayed there. Not on the high that all of those orgasms gave me. But in a place where my submission has come to the forefront and is just there, kind of so i can touch it.
The playdate on Sunday put me in a good place, and rather than drop, i have kind of stayed there. Not on the high that all of those orgasms gave me. But in a place where my submission has come to the forefront and is just there, kind of so i can touch it.


The part he keeps returning to is as the end of my post, where I talk about the fact that my submission  is such that I  feel that I can touch it. Somehow, needing the physical reassurance of my submission by touching my collar and the way in which we remind each other of our place in this relationship are both ways in which I feel my submission. For him it is about feeling the power of his dominance and seeing my  submission. It offers us confirmation that however we live our lives and whatever gets int he way of being able to play and have kinky fun, we are and always were Master and slave. That I was his submissive from the start.


So, while this isn’t really a difficult problem in the big scheme of things the world faces it is something that we feel is important. As such, I offer this post as Day 20 of 365 days – What is the hardest thing you are dealing with?


That shows just how good life is right now I think!