Love and relationships – 2 years on

Today’s 365 question is: Who is the last person to tell you they loved you?

This is a happy coincidence since it coincides with an anniversary. It is two years ago tomorrow since Master and I met in person for the first time. We had only been chatting for a week or so before hand and neither of us expected that two years on we would still be going strong. Neither of us were looking for love, or a long term relationship.

We seem to have found both.

Master was the last person to tell me he loved me and while it is not something he says every day, I know that he means it.

The past two years have given us some amazing experiences, they have taught us both what we want and need from a relationship and have probably taught us more about each other and ourselves than we ever imagined.

The early days were about exploration, of each others bodies and minds but also about the psychology of Dominance and submission. We had some fun times during that first year, but they were balanced by the other relationships in our lives at the time. We knew quite early on, even if it wasn’t clearly articulated, that what we had was special, but there were other considerations. His relationship with another, the remnants of my marriage, the needs of my parents.

This second year has been completely different. While responsibility to family has remained, the other relationships slipped into the past. We have travelled and we have had lots of fun. There have been new experiences and others where one or other of us has re-discovered and shown each other things from the past.

This has not been a year of overt kink, the kind that people write and talk about. But it has been one of great discovery. It has been a time when we have truly discovered what our Master / slave relationship means to us. We have discovered the importance of the way in which power in this relationship is exchanged. We have discovered just how important my submission is to him and his dominance to me. The collar is fundamental to our lives, as are the piercings. But also we have found that love can be something deep and meaningful and something that we didn’t expect.

We are grateful for this last two years and are now planning for more. Now we are talking about living together and who knows, in year 3 that might happen.

SCC Prompt #179 – Pornography

The idea of having sex in front of a camera doesn’t worry me at all. Our sex is usually pretty kinky and is heavily overlaid with our M/s dynamic. During sex I tend to feel myself slipping into a lovely slave place and during that time our conversation is all about his power and my submission. In many ways, I think it would be good and pretty erotic to be able to look back at that and see myself and him outside of that moment. What I would be less keen about would be having a film of us having sex made available for just anyone to watch. I think I would rather keep it private, for just us.

I have only once been in a room when others had sex and when I was having sex with them and with my own partner. It was something of a unique experience that I wouldn’t necessarily say no to repeating, but that I wouldn’t rush into either. Having said that, yes it was an erotic experience and something of a major turn on. I think watching other have sex would be fun in the right setting and being watched would be something that I wouldn’t say no to either.

I don’t think it will ever happen that I will feel threatened by Master watching porn. It is funny that I didn’t always feel quite like this. I took the view that porn was something quite dirty, and couldn’t understand why hubby would want to do such a thing. Partly this is because I don’t really like the way most porn is contrived to look like something it clearly isn’t. I don’t like the posing, but it serves a clear purpose. Over the years though I have found that photos and film of pornography can be interesting and erotic. Perhaps I have lost some of the inhibitions I clearly had in the past, I have matured and discovered more about myself and my needs. There are a number of elements of sex that I didn’t enjoy with hubby, that I now do so acknowledging that pornography is one of them is no big deal.

When Master is looking at pornography when I am sitting or lying next to him, I often watch too. We both find this erotic and quite often it leads us onto touching, stroking and kissing each other and then more.

My preference is to see other submissive women who don’t look like they are being paid to do so, but rather look like this is part of their real life. I also like to see the Dominant / submissive dynamic played out whether during sex or other elements of BDSM. There is a whole world out there, often through Tumblr and when I see something I don’t like I just move on. If he is looking at something I don’t like, then I leave him to it. If I am allowed.

365 Questions – Day 28

Tomorrow I will…………..

See Master.

More than that, we will eat dinner – I am planning a lamb casserole in the slow cooker. We will drink wine and I hope that we will spend some time rediscovering my submission. I hope that He will exert Himself as Master of me – this girl – His slave.

This will be our first ‘normal’ weekend since way before Christmas.

This is our opportunity to rediscover the things about our relationship that are important to us.

Ideally I would like to wear some sexy and kinky clothes and to be made to kneel before Him. It has been too long since we played together. If not tomorrow, then soon.



Reflections on the past – My submission today

Master has frequently looked back on my blog and reminded me of things that I have written. He is quite a reflective person, and while I am too, he often sees things that I maybe don’t. 
This week we have been discussing my submission. This is the first time since May 2014 that we have been apart for this length of time. While it has been difficult to manage the lack of physical contact we have texted and have spoken every evening on Skype. What it has done though is give us the space to think about our relationship on a deeper, Master / slave level. 
For many months we have in the main lived relatively vanilla lives, going about our business, enjoying our social life and holidays. Sex is always pretty kinky and there is always an undercurrent of M/s. The S/m side has taken something of a back seat in the main, mainly because of his shoulder problem which I am glad to say is now resolved. We are both keen to reenergise that part of our relationship along with redefining the Master / slave dynamic. 
The other evening when we were chatting, he pointed out that I was touching my collar a lot.  Thinking about it, that is something I do a lot. I love to feel the metal around my neck as well as the cuff on my wrist. I have rarely removed either since he gave them to me. 
he reminded me last night of something I said when we first met. I struggled to find it, and of course He went to it and pointed it out. It comes from 4th February 2014 as I analysed our first play date. Below is the full post:

I don’t know how things will pan out with this new Dom or if we will play more than a few times. i don’t know if the special person will be him or another. What i do know is that i seem to have restarted the journey that stalled months ago. 
Over the last few months with S, we had some fantastic times. The kinky sex we had (much of it described here) was fantastic. The submission was in the moment and was really good. But i wasn’t truly submitting to anyone. At the time that was fine, right for where i was and where he was.
Now though i feel differently. i kind of feel liberated by the fact he has another and i have made the decision that whatever happens there is no going back to that or to him.
i am thinking about submission a lot. i am considering even what it might be like to give up more control, even perhaps to enter a Master / slave relationship. That’s not to say i ever would, but i am giving it some thought and in a considered and serious way.
The playdate on Sunday put me in a good place, and rather than drop, i have kind of stayed there. Not on the high that all of those orgasms gave me. But in a place where my submission has come to the forefront and is just there, kind of so i can touch it.
The playdate on Sunday put me in a good place, and rather than drop, i have kind of stayed there. Not on the high that all of those orgasms gave me. But in a place where my submission has come to the forefront and is just there, kind of so i can touch it.

The part he keeps returning to is as the end of my post, where I talk about the fact that my submission  is such that I  feel that I can touch it. Somehow, needing the physical reassurance of my submission by touching my collar and the way in which we remind each other of our place in this relationship are both ways in which I feel my submission. For him it is about feeling the power of his dominance and seeing my  submission. It offers us confirmation that however we live our lives and whatever gets int he way of being able to play and have kinky fun, we are and always were Master and slave. That I was his submissive from the start.

So, while this isn’t really a difficult problem in the big scheme of things the world faces it is something that we feel is important. As such, I offer this post as Day 20 of 365 days – What is the hardest thing you are dealing with?

That shows just how good life is right now I think!


It has been 8 days since she felt His hands on her body and 9 since He permitted an orgasm. It will be another 6 days until she will see Him again and can feel His hands on her and hear Him tell her that she is His.

She walks slowly up stairs and finds the plug. Of the two available she choses the larger.

She removes her jeans and panties, and bends over and presses it against her anus. There is resistance, it has been a while since this larger piece of metal has been inside her.

She realises that she is trying to push it in upside down, she swivels and, with a push it slips into place.

She remembers that His desire for her to wear this plug is with good reason.

She lies down on the bed and observes herself in the mirror. Slimmer than before, but certainly not where she would like to be. She photographs the evidence, the bush that He likes so much.

She opens her legs and turns on the vibe. Tonight there is no need for internal penetration, what she needs is to feel the pulsating instrument on her clit, vibrating from her piercing, it will find its own way inside. She applies direct pressure and spends some time just enjoying the pleasure.

She knows that any orgasms do not belong to her, but she also knows that Master won’t deny this pleasure. She knows what she needs to do and to say.

Gradually the tell tale signs build within her. She arches her back, and moves towards the pleasure that awaits. She knows she much be patient, and that her time will come. Well, not her time but His. The vibrations hit her body and reverberate around her neediness, she waits patiently and then just as she knows that the orgasm is imminent she speaks aloud.

This is yours Master.

Out loud she tells Him “thank you Master” and she knows that while He is not with her, He knows that his needy girl has been satisfied. For now.

Submissive Coffee Club #176

SCC Writing prompt
Prompt Set #176
 Are you happy with quiet and graceful submission or do you sometimes long to be tamed?
I am not sure I am particularly quiet or graceful, indeed last night on Skype I was accused (quite rightly) of talking over Master when he is trying to say something. I can’t seem to help my need to get out my own view, and I know I really have to stop doing it. I am maybe acting out a little bit, since he is currently away and I am here doing the mundane stuff of going to work etc. I am probably better when we are together and I can feel the effects of his dominance over me more effectively. In turn, he probably ought to be a little stricter with me, but I guess that would take some work. In general though he is pretty good at keeping me in line. 
Do you act out just to feel the reassurance of your Dominant’s power over you?
Not really, or certainly not knowingly. Having said that, I do find his power reassuring and I know that he finds my submission and his power erotic. After close on two years together, I suppose we have just settled into what feels right for us. 
Why can extra structure feel good when the world outside your submission is stressful?
I think that extra structure helps me to refocus on what is important in life and makes me remember who and what I am. The only really important thing is that I am his slave and it is good for me to remember that. Serving him is my purpose in life and that is where my focus should be. By reminding me of those things, I am easily brought into line, Physical things, like wearing my plug or a posture collar, or even kneeling also help.

Back to reality

There is something reassuring about being back in your usual routine after a period away from it. I quite like home, my own bed, the shower which is all too often more efficient than the ones you get in hotels, a choice of the entire wardrobe, a comfy sofa…..

All of those things have been an enjoyable part of being home. What has been less so has been the return to work and the feeling that I am trapped in a time warp where everything remains as it was in December and that to be honest, I don’t really want to be there. The health service feels like a hamster wheel; it is January so we must be worrying about our budget allocations (announced in time for Christmas), the contracts which will start in April, service specifications, KPIs and stuff like that. Round and round we go and to be frank I would really like to get off.

Added to that is the virus I managed to pick up on my last day or two in Spain and which has developed into a full blown cold complete with a feverishness which has me feeling a little ropey during the day and adds to my menopausal night sweats and prevents proper sleep. I find it hard to believe I have gone from the calm and well rested being managing to get 8 hours plus sleep a night to this in such a short time.

What is more, Master is still in Spain. While I am enduring the torture of work and the stresses of failing to give up my nightly gin and tonics he is busy swanning around Seville enjoying himself and updating Facebook with the evidence. Not that I begrudge him his fun, of course I don’t.

Ok, so I am just feeling a little sorry for myself, even though (apart from the virus) there is little to feel sorry about. I had an amazing 3 week holiday, I am still reasonably rested, the stresses of work are mostly passing over my head and any irritation I feel about Facebook photos of ham, fish and triple parking outside his apartment are just plain jealously that he is there and I am here.

Skyping with him of a night provides a reminder of our separation, but we both know it only has another 9 days to go. I plan to join him in Spain next weekend to accompany him back on the ferry home. A weekend together again will be fun and it will give me some slave time. He mentioned my lack of contract compliance last night, and it is true that I am not always the perfect slave girl. But in the main, I am coping well with this separation even if I would rather be there with him. I am enduring work in the knowledge that pay day will arrive and that I like to buy nice things.

Maybe the reality of normal life isn’t so bad. All I need now is to shake off the cold and get myself a good nights sleep. Maybe tonight I will request an orgasm to help with that…………

Kink of the week – Kissing

On the introductory page for the current Kink of the Week, Molly invites us to google quotes relating to kissing. I did and the Einstein quote above is my favourite.

You see Master takes kissing very seriously, he loves to kiss me and I really love that he does, since I love to kiss him too.

There are a number of different types of kiss that take place within our relationship, from little gentle pecks on the lips when something has amused us or we just feel the need to do so, through to the passionate kisses that take place during sex. In between there is the slow and sensual exploratory kiss as we wake or late at night when we sit together on the sofa or lie in bed. A teasing of the tongues, a meeting of lips as we touch each other’s bodies. He loves it when I kiss ‘like a whore’, apparently not all women put their tongues into the mouths of their partners as they kiss, only certain types of women. But when your lover is busy giving you nipple pain, or exploring your clitoris then I fail to see how a woman can resist the desire to passionately kiss that man. For me passion includes exploring all of him, including his mouth.

I usually kiss with my eyes closed. Not because I don’t want to look, but because it helps me to shut out everything outside of him and the things he is doing to me. Sometimes though I sneak a peek to see if he has his eyes open or closed. Sometimes they are closed and sometimes not. Perhaps he is doing the same.

What is for sure, is that the kind of kissing that we like to engage in could not be done while driving, well not safely. What is more he is one fantastic kisser and only 10 days till I get to kiss him again!

This year is a week old already

We have been chilling out in Spain for nearly 3 weeks now and this pace of life seems to be suiting me. The days seem to roll into each other – get up late, maybe some food shopping, lunch in or in a bar, a wander around, reading, browsing, drinks and dinner, a DVD, a nightcap, bed, sleep, sex, getting up late…..

That is the excuse I am giving for not having posted here for a week and for being so remiss in wishing anyone passing by a Happy New Year.

Today is my last day here in Seville with Master, and I can honestly say that all of the stresses of home and work have melted away during the time we have been here. I wish I could stay longer, as he will be doing, but the time has come for me to return to the reality of the part of my life which is separate from that with him – work and family. I am kind of ambiguous about the work part. To be honest, I do enjoy my job, but I am not looking forward to getting caught up in the politics or the pressures that come with it. I dearly wish that I could walk away, just because I realise I want different things in life now, but I don’t yet have the financial security or even the nerve to do so. I wonder though how I might feel this time next week when I have completed my first week back. As for family, well mum has been misbehaving and my brothers are looking forward to my return, and for my part I am ready to pick up my part of that bargain. I will manage her as I always do and perhaps invest a little more time while Master is still here in Spain. I have missed my son and am hoping to catch up with him and his girlfriend in the next week or so. Lastly there is the ex-hubby / house thing which really needs sorting now. I need that proper and clean break and I need to make it happen. So some tricky discussions ahead there.

But whatever difficulties there might be ahead, I do so from a happy and calm position. I have seen how my life with Master can be and it is one I definitely want and need more of. I just need to work through all of these huge little barriers to making that happen. What is for sure is we definitely get on as well over a few weeks of being together 24/7 as we do for short periods.

I am going to miss him, but hell it will only be two weeks and during that time I am going to be busy. This first week in January has gone pretty quickly and there is no reason to suspect that the next one won’t be the same.

One more day and night together and then I fly home.


I already had a Twitter account, which I rarely post to myself, but follow a number of healthcare and other related threads. For obvious reasons I avoided linking to anything sex / BDSM related on there. But I have now got myself a new twitter account linked to this blog. You can follow me from the side bar or @MPBjulie This whole thing is work in progress, but something I will attend to when I get home. Yep, MPB is getting into social media!