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30 Days of Kink: Days 16 – 19

What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

The most difficult thing must be the need to be quite so guarded about the way we choose to live our lives when it comes to BDSM and kink generally.

Often people ask how Master and I met. For example I was recently out with a friend who is considering online dating to find a new partner. She was curious about which website I had used to find Master. But since that website was, I really didn’t feel able to be honest. So told her, as I have said before, that it was ‘just a chatroom’. I don’t feel comfortable telling people the kind of website it is, or the actual name since I am not sure it would be their of place. Plus there is always the chance that people might go to look and find me and of course Master there (unlikely I know).

Another challenge is when people start to talk about kinky sex and their personal understanding of it (usually relating to 50 shades of Grey). An off the cuff comment about spankings, about anal and I can almost feel the colour rising in my cheeks as I try to sound cool, uninterested and unknowledgeable. 

What I do like though is that I have friends I can discuss kink with openly and that we have the munch we attend where gradually we are getting to know people and can also be ourselves much more

What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

That our lives are like the fictional characters that now seem to abound the internet. It is not obligatory for the Dom to be a billionaire who has problems forming relationships and who had a domineering mother. Or for the submissive to wander blindly into the relationship. Kink is also not just about sex and spanking, though both may be involved. For us, kink is about the power exchange dynamic on a day to day basis. 

Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

Not really. The key thing I have learned in all of this is that each relationship is different and that communication is the key. Our lives are not just about kink, rather we exist in the real world.

Any Unexpected Ways Kink Has Improved Your Life? If So, What Are They?

My life is better in so many ways. I have a wonderful, uninhibited sex life. A partner who pushes me to be the sexual being that it turns out I am. A relationship which involves being open and responsive, and where communication is key. Plus I have met some amazing people who I would never even have encountered. Finally and most importantly I have found out who I am and what I really need from my life and a man who is able to fulfil that.

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